• Jaime Pressly is having a rough year. She owes nearly $1 million in unpaid taxes, she was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving earlier this month, and now she's filed for divorce from her husband of one year, Simran Singh.

Reckless texter Cathy Cruz Marrero fell into a shopping mall fountain while messaging her church buddy and achieved Internet fame. Now the media's ridiculing her for her criminal record and unresolved theft charges. She's our new Ted Williams!

• Natalie Portman's Best Actress trophy at last night's Critic's Choice Movie Awards was Black Swan's only victory of the night, even though it was nominated in 12 different categories. The Facebook movie snuck up from behind, winning three awards.

Ted Williams went through the clichéd celebrity life cycle—rocketing to stardom, getting arrested, entering rehab—at warp speed. Yesterday, his appearance on Dr. Phil, with the children he abandoned, illuminated how fame and fortune can't fix a broken man.

• Dita Von Teese has a guest role on CSI, and was asked to wear less-revealing clothing to play a school teacher turned nightclub dancer.

The feel-good story of 2011 has taken a turn for the worse. The LAPD detained Ted Williams and his daughter last night after they got into a shouting match over money. Neither wanted to press charges, so both were released.

• Comeback kid (?) Lindsay Lohan has already gone back to her complicated lifestyle of dramarama mixed with rich-people acquisitions. We could talk about her for hours—she just never stops! All that Red Bull, maybe. Here we go.

Feel-good alert! Ted Williams, the down-on-his-luck golden voice who became an overnight viral sensation, announced on a morning radio program, "The Cleveland Cavaliers just offered me a full-time job and a house! A house! A house!"

Meet Ted Williams, a homeless man from Columbus, Ohio who has a God given gift. Unfortunately, he has no way to share it. Anyone looking to hire someone for voiceovers? Look no further.

• Last night, David Letterman revealed that a CBS News employee is accused of trying to extort $2 million from him because he had sexual relationship with female employees.