A Collection of Very Dumb Republican Thoughts on the Brexit

Yesterday, the UK voted—essentially by accident, both on the part of the pompous drip who called the referendum and the voters who didn’t bother to learn what it meant—to exit the European Union. Today, David Cameron resigned, the pound plunged to its lowest level since 1985, global financial markets plummeted, and …

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A Comprehensive Timeline of Carly Fiorina's Historically Short VP Run

After a crushing defeat in Indiana, the soggiest senator Ted Cruz announced that he would end his presidential campaign. The decision was no doubt a blow to the small pocket of Christian conservatives who had, above all odds, held out hope that this snarling bespawler would somehow trounce Donald Trump. But it was not…

Watch the Man From LBJ's Landmark Ad 'Confessions of a Republican' Discuss the Current State of the GOP

On Monday night’s episode of her show, Rachel Maddow excitedly introduced a man named Bill Bogert, the star of “Confessions of a Republican,” a famous, 4-minute political ad produced in 1964 for Lyndon B. Johnson’s presidential campaign. Bogert, whose 1964 self I will somewhat disrespectfully suggest is worthy of a …

Watch Ted Cruz’s Daughter Literally Run From Her Father’s Touch

At a rally in South Bend, Indiana yesterday, Ted Cruz continued his “I am a human” tour with newfound running mate Carly Fiorina. And as he took to the stage with his companion and progeny, loving, human father Ted Cruz reached down to his daughter, Caroline, to show the cameras just how much he cares. As any rational…

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Sons Arrested in Murder of Couple Found Dead Next to Chilling Note: 'Sorry, My First Kill Was Clumsy'

A San Jose couple was found murdered in their home Sunday afternoon. Their two sons, ages 22 and 17, are now being held without bail on suspicion of murder. Anonymous sources who claim to have seen the murder scene told several local news agencies that a “rambling diatribe” was written on the walls and floor.

John Boehner on Ted Cruz: He's a 'Miserable Son of a Bitch'

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner gave an extremely candid talk at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, in which he gave attendees permission to call him “boner” (“You can call me boner, beaner, jackass, happy to answer to almost anything”) and graced writers ‘cross the internet with the one thing that…

Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina to Team Up in My Nightmares, and Also the Election

Staid local goblin Ted Cruz is holding a press conference Wednesday in Indianapolis to announce that Carly Fiorina will be his pick for vice president, according to multiple reports. The two have previously been seen together in the hideous fever dreams you experience after a long night of watching C-SPAN 3 and…

Do You Have This Video of Ted Cruz in a Pink Boa and Underwear? We'll Pay You For It

A little over a week ago, Ted Cruz’s daughters managed to tolerate their father’s presence for an entire hour while being interviewed on CNN. But being rendered temporarily blind and deaf by Ted’s soup admission, we seem to have missed the night’s (other) big reveal: Multiple copies exist of a video of Ted Cruz…