Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals, and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small-time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.
Matt Bevin—a far, far-right Tea Partier and political novice who loves cockfighting, voting against the Violence Against Women Act, and uninsured constituents—is now, because no one fucking voted, the governor of Kentucky. Things are not going great!
Mary Carney, a Marshfield, Wisconsin School Board member, member of the Central Wisconsin Tea Party and Very Frightened Person, will attempt today to do right by her child, her faith, and the Statue of Liberty by wresting Jim Henson’s For Every Child, a Better World out of the hands of vulnerable kindergarteners.
Republican businessman Matt Bevin, a Tea Party favorite whom the New York Times has politely referred to as a “political novice,” has won Kentucky’s gubernatorial election. This is terrible news!
North Carolina Republican Congressman Mark Meadows, currently one of the people leading the charge to defund Planned Parenthood, is accused of paying his chief of staff for months after multiple women complained they were being sexually harassed by the man. The chief, Kenny West, was first banned from the…
Michigan State Representative Todd Courser, who circulated bizarre gay sex scandal rumors about himself to cover up the affair he was having with fellow representative Cindy Gamrat, resigned from his state House seat late last night. At the same time, Gamrat was expelled in a 91-12 vote.
Last week, the Detroit News broke the rather curious story of Michigan State Representative Todd Courser, who tried to cover up the affair he was having with a fellow state rep by inventing a gay sex scandal. That didn’t work. Now, Courser is indicating that the shadowy-sounding “Lansing Mafia” is responsible for his…
Congressman Scott DesJarlais, the pro-life, all-family values Tennessee Republican who cheated on his wife and then pressured his mistress to have an abortion, voted this week in favor of a federal 2o-week abortion ban. DesJarlais’ spokesperson said the congressman has “always supported pro-life values”—except, of…
Beloved SNL alum Julia Sweeney was interviewed by Salon recently, and now I really miss Pat. During the conversation, Sweeney (a cast member from 1990-1994) had had plenty to say about Lorne Michaels, the show’s “white-male energy,” and whether or not Victoria Jackson is messing with all of us.
Senator Rand Paul, a Kentucky man who seems markedly less crazy than his crazy old dad, is set to announce his run for the President of the United States today. Paul, who is anti-abortion, anti-birth control, somewhat anti-vaccination, and a quiet fan of frothing conspiracy theorist radio host Alex Jones, is still…
An intense and disturbing investigative piece published by the Arkansas Times alleges that State Representative Justin Harris, a devout Christian who also owns a religious preschool, gave away two little girls he and his wife had adopted six months before. The little girls were "re-homed" with a former teacher at the…
Imagine if a right-wing think-tank funded by the Koch bothers approached your weirdo aunt—the one who constantly updates her Facebook with funny pictures about our Kenyan Socialist President, the Democraps, and the insistence that heaven really is for real—and asked her to put her name on a convoluted,…
Last night, Iowa Senator Joni Ernst put us all firmly to sleep with a gentle fairytale about our glorious new life in Tea Party America. Rep. Carlos Curbelo, a Florida Republican, was set to deliver an almost identical Spanish-language version of Ernst's speech (minus the stuff about being a humble farm girl).…
A new analysis from the Guttmacher Institute shows that U.S. states have passed 231 new abortion restrictions since the 2010 midterm elections. In what's probably just a huge coincidence, the 2010 midterms were also the ones were we elected all those Tea Party Republicans.
Newest Wisconsin congressman Glenn Grothman hasn't even taken his seat yet, but the 59-year-old Tea Party enthusiast has already set his sights on the Badger State's greatest scourge: low-income people who receive modest state and federal benefits. Grothman recently told a local news host that aid programs are "a…
In news that comes as a shock to absolutely no one, it turns out the Tea Party is having some trouble supporting women. In this year's election, 80 candidates have been endorsed by various national Tea Party groups like Tea Party Patriots and Club for Growth. Only four of them are women: Katrina Pierson (Texas,…
A truly unfortunate political ad for the California gubernatorial race featuring a semi-famous Latina actress, her shivering old Chihuahua, and a state assemblyman who looks like he could be have had a small arc as a bumbling villain on Weeds has really, really pissed off San Francisco's Latino community. The…
Michele Bachmann has finally broken her heavy silence on Miley Cyrus's send up of the Minnesota Congressman on last weekend's SNL. She humblebragged about it.
Minnesota Congresswoman and firebrand head of the Congressional Whackadoodle Caucus went on the radio this weekend to talk about, I don't know, what she normally talks about I guess? Word barf that reads like Tea Party Magnetic poetry in a blender? But what she ended up talking about — in an excited, unsettlingly…
It’s time to consider the possibility that the GOP is the giant panda of political parties. That is, in much the same way that pandas simply refuse to fuck even to save their species, Republicans seem to be trying to will themselves out of existence one convention/gaffe/election cycle at a time. Case in point: at…
