Famously tangerine-faced House Speaker John Boehner doesn't live in Washington year-round; he rents. And his landlord is a lobbyist for a tanning bed company because God loves you very, very much and wants you to have a joyous holiday season of rueful ironic chortling.
Yesterday, we brought you one of the most ill-advised ads for a tanning salon ever (as though tanning could get any more gauche), a tacky, racist mess that featured a white lady in a "Sexy Indian" Halloween costume along with copy that read "The Indians brought more than just 'CORN' to the first Thanksgiving... they…
In honor of Thanksgiving, a chain of tanning salons in Alabama and Florida has launched a holiday-themed ad campaign that is both offensively stupid and stupidly offensive. "The Indians brought more than just 'CORN' to the first Thanksgiving," reads the copy, "they brought SEXY 'COLOR'!" Ugh, the unnecessary quotation…
Bronzers and other gooey, UV-free artificial tanners may help the porcelain-hued citizens of the world achieve that sun-burnished quality so desirable by today’s aesthetics, but such tanners will also turn everyone who uses them into giant, weeping puddle monsters that seep through sheets and ruin perfectly adequate…
Ted Yoho is a former large animal veterinarian from Florida who doesn't understand what racism is. That alone does not make Ted Yoho interesting. What makes Ted Yoho interesting is the fact that he is a United States Congressman who doesn't understand what racism is, to the extent that he believes a tax on tanning beds …
In case you hadn't figured it out already, tanning is addicting. So addicting, in fact, that one in seven tanners diagnosed with skin cancer go back to tanning even after their diagnosis. The endorphins released by skin cells after exposure to UV light make many people who tan dependent on getting into the ole' UV…
The FDA wants to warn kids about the dangers of tanning. Which is a big fucking deal because those yahoos are so far behind the times that they still aren't certain what gluten-free means. (I know, my grandma's been off wheat for years now, too.)
Last week, a woman walked into an Ohio tanning salon, took a tour, received one tanning session, then purchased a $70 tanning package. But when she returned to Aloha Tanning the next day to tan some more, she was told that they'd changed their policy overnight and she was suddenly too fat to tan.
There are lots of causes we could argue are worth dying for: saving a life, freedom, maybe even religious martyrdom or something epic like that. Having “bronzed, sun-kissed” skin is not one of them. Not even Coco Chanel would argue with that, though she is credited with starting the Western trend of white women wanting …
Bad news for tweens and high-school kids hoping to be dark like Snooki and The Gang: Yesterday, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie signed a bill banning those under the age of 17 from using commercial tanning beds.
Good news for Patricia Krentcil: a grand jury has declined to indict her on second-degree child endangerment charges.
When I was a senior in high school, my parents and I took a trip to Samoa to visit my uncle. In preparation, because I am essentially a cave salamander, my mom forced me to go to a tanning salon and get a "base" so that I wouldn't crisp like a tater-tot in the South Pacific sun. I crisped anyway, of course (this raw…
Tanning beds are awesome and full of life-blasting vitamins, whereas doctors are stupid, maybe even villainously stupid and need to be stopped from telling people who want only to lay their tired heads down on a bed of synthetic sunshine that tanning salons are not the second-best places in the Solar System (the first…
When we last saw Tan Mom, she was telling us that if we didn't like her, it's because we are jealous, fat and ugly. Now, Tan Mom — aka Patricia Krentcil — is in the latest issue of In Touch, with an announcement: She has accepted the mag's challenge to stay out of UV rays — real and artificial — for an entire month.…
Guys. Is Tan Mom drunk? Is she slurring a little? And what is she talking about?
"Everything is dangerous."
"I tan, a rela — you know — one, once in a, three, four times a week. It's my relaxation."
"Any mother that says something or doesn't even know me… They don't have children."
"It's a blush."
"I don't sit in tanning…
44-year-old Patricia Krentcil was arrested and charged with child endangerment after her 5-year-old daughter was spotted at school with a sunburn. Apparently the little girl told classmates she "went tanning with Mommy." But Krentcil insists that the kid wasn't in the tanning booth:
It seems pretty obvious that unless you're part of a certain subculture that shall remain nameless, you'll be less likley to lay out in the sun or use a tanning bed after you've applied sunless tanning lotion. Of course, researchers needed to conduct a survey to confirm this, and while the results aren't earth…
Remember last week, in the season four finale when Pauly D detailed his plans for when he got back to the states? His exact, excited words went like so: "I can't wait to go tanning, I'm gonna go tanning, then I'm gonna go tanning, then I'm gonna go tanning, then I'm gonna go to the gym, then I'm gonna do laundry." He…
You have to feel bad for Katy Perry. All she wanted to do was create generic pop musical about a magical land where ladies sport Daisy Dukes and shoot whipped cream out of their boobs, but now she's getting flak for promoting a soon-to-be illegal practice. Though she lists "sun-kissed skin" as one of the main attributes…
