This is not a joke! A survey conducted by the National Science Foundation has revealed that only one out of every four Americans did not know that the earth orbits the sun. Is it me? Is it you? Is it someone we know? Should we be out in the street screaming this news at the top of our lungs, educating others about the…

Your skin shouldn't look like a package of pork cracklins after spending the day outdoors; that's why we invented sunscreen. However, there's a right way and a wrong way to slather on your protection—screw it up and you could get burned.

Tanning beds are awesome and full of life-blasting vitamins, whereas doctors are stupid, maybe even villainously stupid and need to be stopped from telling people who want only to lay their tired heads down on a bed of synthetic sunshine that tanning salons are not the second-best places in the Solar System (the first…

So you spent the weekend outside. And you were wearing one of those trendy, adorable little something or others with the crisscrossed straps? And you didn't put on enough sun screen, did you? Of course you didn't. And now you're in human lobster agony, aren't you? Let's do something about that.

No big deal, folks. The sun keeps exploding, but everything's probably fine.

The young, white, female and upper-middle-class are more likely to get skin cancer. Or, in cable news parlance, your beach vacation may kill you.

Sun Devilry, that is. The dancin'-est Palin reportedly purchased a home near Tempe, Arizona, fueling rumors that a college career could be in her future. Will Arizona State University, "the Harvard of date rape," be ready for this jelly?

I am confident that I have found the most obnoxious headline of the day, and it is this: "I let toyboy swap sex texts with girls so he won't stray."

There was a mysterious, horrible similarity to many of last night's getups - as if a first-year costume student had outfitted all the stars for a glam-rock interpretation of Kiss of the Spider Woman:

The Sun says the average British woman "goes on 39 dates with 15 fellas over 11 years trying to find Mr. Right." No word on how many "dates" involve pink undies and bad tattoos. [Sun]

MP Claire Curtis-Thomas in England wants lad mags like Maxim and Nuts to carry film-style ratings. In a report released this week, Curtis-Thomas said that these lad mags are not rated and treated the same way as porn even though she sees the magazines as being "little more than pornography." She also wants downmarket…