Worst Fucking Summer Ever

Summer is usually a much anticipated season of sun-brightened days and bright blue and green Instagram streams and no school and barefoot running across blacktop to get to the pool and a news cycle so slow that teen sex parties and heartwarming tails of two-legged dogs who overcame the odds dominate the news cycle.… » 8/28/14 2:40pm 8/28/14 2:40pm

Dude Builds a Better Cooler, Possibly Reinventing Summer Itself

There's nothing quite like sunny summer picnics—or, as I like to call them, "there's a bee on you and also your leg is asleep"-nics—but one picnic staple doesn't quite live up to the hype. THE COOLER. » 7/14/14 7:15pm 7/14/14 7:15pm

The Polar Vortex Is Coming Back Next Week

After giving us an exceedingly cold and snowy winter, the Weather Gods are blessing Chicago and other parts of the Midwest/Northeast with unseasonably cool weather later this week. Think mild and pleasant mid-September temperatures, rather than hot and humid mid-July ones. » 7/14/14 5:20pm 7/14/14 5:20pm

Summer Grinches File Thousands of Complaints Against Ice Cream Trucks

The repetitive mechanical music of ice cream trucks is as much a part of summer's aural wallpaper as the sound of kids asking their parents when they can go back inside to play video games because it's tooooo hoooooot ouuuuuut, but some warm weather pooh pooh-ers are doing their part to change that. » 7/07/14 7:00pm 7/07/14 7:00pm

Yay Summer: Existential-Dread-Causing Jellyfish Apocalypse Is Upon Us

Woo-hoo. Summer is awesome. If the bacteria at the beach don't give you hepatitis or diarrhea, you could still experience cramps, vomiting and existential dread, thanks to jellyfish… and the impending jellyfish apocalypse. » 6/30/14 12:10pm 6/30/14 12:10pm

Yay Summer: U.S. Beaches Are Disgusting and Too Much TV Will Kill You

Summer has officially arrived, and with it, the usual sweltering humidity — as well as the news that your local beach may be a health hazard. » 6/26/14 1:00pm 6/26/14 1:00pm

Creepy Dudes Photographing Women on the Beach Is Worst Trend Ever

Is your body bikini creepshot ready? Because it's Strange Dudes You Don't Know Taking Pictures Of You In a Bikini Season! » 6/04/14 2:00pm 6/04/14 2:00pm

Forget to Wear Sunscreen When It's Cloudy? Now There's Cloudscreen

Do you wear sunscreen everyday? Do you say you wear sunscreen everyday, but actually just smear on some SPF 15 moisturizer once in the morning and then fail to reapply after a few hours? And do you even think about sunscreen when it's cloudy outside? » 5/30/14 2:00pm 5/30/14 2:00pm

Many Bug Sprays Are Just Unregulated, Ineffective Garbage

Hooray, you guys! It's outdoor sunshine BBQ lake lounging tiki torch season! But you know what that means: It's also gross bugs eating you alive and feasting on your blood and giving you disfiguring welts and deadly diseases season. Bogus. » 5/27/14 4:20pm 5/27/14 4:20pm

These Surfing Dogs Are Clearly Stoned Out of Their Minds

It’s probably safe to assume that these dogs are stoned, not because surfers of all breeds adhere to the stoner beach bum stereotype, but because they seem really calm. What gives? Aren’t they afraid that all this erratic doggy paddling and splashing will draw the attention of great white sharks? That happens, you… » 9/14/13 5:00pm 9/14/13 5:00pm

Early Rosh Hashana Forces Parents to Hang With Their Annoying Kids

Parents whose children are in New York public schools are pissed that Rosh Hashana has fallen so unusually early this year, which means they have to deal with their kids for an entire extra week of summer break. » 9/04/13 12:30pm 9/04/13 12:30pm

Enjoy the Rest of Your Wet, Lukewarm American Summer

By now, summer is lukewarm, like that beer you fell asleep with by the pool you do not own (wait, do you own a pool? because we should be friends if you do). Was it everything you'd hoped it would be back on Memorial Day, or, like most summers, did it slip into the room late, looking suspicious and smelling of… » 9/02/13 6:30pm 9/02/13 6:30pm

Yes, the Tide Will Wash Away Even This Remarkable Kool-Aid Sand Man

Sand sculpture artist Morgan Rudluff, from Santa Cruz, Calif., carves a Kool-Aid Man design at the 81st Annual Great Sand Sculpture Contest, Saturday, Aug. 10, 2013, in Long Beach, Calif. (Rene Macura/AP Images for Kool-Aid) » 8/11/13 6:00pm 8/11/13 6:00pm

Baby Elephant Gleefully Enjoys the Last Days of Summer

This baby elephant at the Fort Worth Zoo is reveling in the annual miracle of summer, when all the pools are open and the supermarket's freezer section is overstocked with Flintstones Push Ups. » 8/11/13 5:30pm 8/11/13 5:30pm

Testicle-Munching Fish Are Ruining Summer for Scandinavians

Summer is full of the sorts of hidden dangers that come with being drunk and out in the hot sun for longer than usual. You could fall asleep in a wading pool and be urinated upon by your neighbor’s dog. A shark could attack you while you’re flipping around on your boogie board like a dying seal. You could wear a… » 8/11/13 4:00pm 8/11/13 4:00pm

Prudent Dog Rightly Fears What Lies in the Fathomless Deep

TOYOOKA, JAPAN - AUGUST 04: A woman pulls her pet dog in the water at Takeno Beach on August 4, 2013 in Toyooka, Japan. This beach is open for dogs and their owners every summer between the months of June and September. (Photo by Buddhika Weerasinghe/Getty Images) » 8/04/13 3:30pm 8/04/13 3:30pm

How’s Your Summer of Mass Dolphin Deaths Been So Far?

Hey there, Eastern-seaboard beach-goers! Been enjoying your summer of cold beer, casual sex, outdoor music festivals, ice cream dinners, and mysterious dolphin carcasses? Of course you haven’t — who can enjoy ice cream dinners with so many rotting dolphin carcasses lining our beaches, fouling up the air and… » 8/04/13 3:00pm 8/04/13 3:00pm

Run Away to The Chillest Summer Cities in the Country

It's so hot on the East Coast right now that, last night, I had a dream I robbed a bank with the cast of Pretty Little Liars and was incarcerated in an oven as punishment. Amazingly, not everyone is sweltering right now/having sweat-induced dreams! We're doing this to ourselves! » 7/19/13 5:00pm 7/19/13 5:00pm