Summer is over. The bony, trembling fingers of Fall beckon us into the darkness. But People is trying to tell me that “everyone” in Hollywood owns this $45 black nylon tricot high-cut one piece from American Apparel, and I am wondering: why? It’s bad.

Flying roaches could be a nuisance in New York due to this sock-funk weather we’re currently experiencing.

Monday is July 4, the moment in my personal wheel of the year when I realize summer’s already a month gone and I’d better hurry myself to a public pool once or twice, lest Labor Day roll around and I feel like I wasted the season yet again. One of the surefire shortcuts I will take in my route to vibes: regularly…

As a woman slurred in my face last weekend, “It’s the season for rosé!” Close, but not quite: it’s frosé season, pals.

Target is gearing up for summer (it’s June!) and part of that gearing up means making sure the mega-department store’s Targetinistas (made it up) are ready to hit the waves in style. First things first, we’ll need a swimsuit that perfectly matches our personality.

Meanwhile, across the pond: worries about a prosecco shortage are reaching crisis levels, as high demand forces grocery store Sainsbury’s to cancel a discount on the seasonal treat. Will summer 2016 recover?

Is it sadistic that “Good Times,” the song of the summer, is finally blessed with an official video as we enter shitty October? As a seasonal work of art, it seems to ask us to mourn all we have lost—pools, sun, fun, happiness, rooftop jams, chill vibes—in the penultimate month before winter destroys us.

Welcome to Boozinette. This is the Summer’s Swan Song.

According to the accompanying caption, this is a “cartoon showing a hot summer in the city resulting in everyone taking to the roofs for some breeze.” Novel idea: maybe skip the frock coat in a heat wave? But no, no, Victorian proprieties must be observed.

All this time you were worried about the water, but the sand is the real problem.

With swimsuit season finally here, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have decided to brighten your summer by releasing an important new report which confirms that yes, your gross red swimmer’s eyes are caused by the large amounts of pee in the pool and not by chlorine as previously thought.

It’s summer. You’re going to some festivals. You’ll be outside, at bars with patios, drinking. If you’re most people, no one ever told you how to drink well or right. Hey, no one told us. More often, people told us not to drink—ever—because it’s bad. But preaching booze abstinence works about as well as sex…

It’s barely summer in the Western hemisphere and designers have already been showing their Resort 2016 collections, a perennial happening indicative of fashion’s exhausting churn and demand for new designs to stay afloat. First comes Resort, then there’s Pre-Fall, then there’s Mid-Pre-Fall, then there’s…

It’s a cool 60 degrees in New York City right now, but in a few weeks time, we—along with the rest of the U.S.—will likely be experiencing the dead heat of summer. Here, that means sweating through your clothes while waiting for the M train, constantly inhaling the weighty stink of garbage, and listening to the city’s…

We’re less than a month out from official summer, which wafts into our lives on June 21—and it’s never a bad idea to come up with an action plan. You’re a grown woman; do some stuff. And if you need help getting started, do what I do and look to a famous person. This year, it’s Lena Dunham, who recently posted a…

Summer is usually a much anticipated season of sun-brightened days and bright blue and green Instagram streams and no school and barefoot running across blacktop to get to the pool and a news cycle so slow that teen sex parties and heartwarming tails of two-legged dogs who overcame the odds dominate the news cycle.…