Summer Grinches File Thousands of Complaints Against Ice Cream Trucks

The repetitive mechanical music of ice cream trucks is as much a part of summer's aural wallpaper as the sound of kids asking their parents when they can go back inside to play video games because it's tooooo hoooooot ouuuuuut, but some warm weather pooh pooh-ers are doing their part to change that. » 7/07/14 7:00pm 7/07/14 7:00pm

These Surfing Dogs Are Clearly Stoned Out of Their Minds

It’s probably safe to assume that these dogs are stoned, not because surfers of all breeds adhere to the stoner beach bum stereotype, but because they seem really calm. What gives? Aren’t they afraid that all this erratic doggy paddling and splashing will draw the attention of great white sharks? That happens, you… » 9/14/13 5:00pm 9/14/13 5:00pm

Enjoy the Rest of Your Wet, Lukewarm American Summer

By now, summer is lukewarm, like that beer you fell asleep with by the pool you do not own (wait, do you own a pool? because we should be friends if you do). Was it everything you'd hoped it would be back on Memorial Day, or, like most summers, did it slip into the room late, looking suspicious and smelling of… » 9/02/13 6:30pm 9/02/13 6:30pm

Testicle-Munching Fish Are Ruining Summer for Scandinavians

Summer is full of the sorts of hidden dangers that come with being drunk and out in the hot sun for longer than usual. You could fall asleep in a wading pool and be urinated upon by your neighbor’s dog. A shark could attack you while you’re flipping around on your boogie board like a dying seal. You could wear a… » 8/11/13 4:00pm 8/11/13 4:00pm

How’s Your Summer of Mass Dolphin Deaths Been So Far?

Hey there, Eastern-seaboard beach-goers! Been enjoying your summer of cold beer, casual sex, outdoor music festivals, ice cream dinners, and mysterious dolphin carcasses? Of course you haven’t — who can enjoy ice cream dinners with so many rotting dolphin carcasses lining our beaches, fouling up the air and… » 8/04/13 3:00pm 8/04/13 3:00pm

How to Get That Perfect ‘Too Hot to Give a Shit’ Heat Wave Hair

I will open this article with my new favorite platitude to bellow at strangers in an attempt to foster a feeling of community: IT IS SO HOT, SERIOUSLY, IT IS VERY HOT. I am barely emotionally equipped to deal with it. According to my tireless research, I've found that the best psychological method for dealing with… » 7/18/13 12:10pm 7/18/13 12:10pm