It’s probably safe to assume that these dogs are stoned, not because surfers of all breeds adhere to the stoner beach bum stereotype, but because they seem really calm. What gives? Aren’t they afraid that all this erratic doggy paddling and splashing will draw the attention of great white sharks? That happens, you…
Parents whose children are in New York public schools are pissed that Rosh Hashana has fallen so unusually early this year, which means they have to deal with their kids for an entire extra week of summer break.
By now, summer is lukewarm, like that beer you fell asleep with by the pool you do not own (wait, do you own a pool? because we should be friends if you do). Was it everything you'd hoped it would be back on Memorial Day, or, like most summers, did it slip into the room late, looking suspicious and smelling of…
Sand sculpture artist Morgan Rudluff, from Santa Cruz, Calif., carves a Kool-Aid Man design at the 81st Annual Great Sand Sculpture Contest, Saturday, Aug. 10, 2013, in Long Beach, Calif. (Rene Macura/AP Images for Kool-Aid)
Summer is full of the sorts of hidden dangers that come with being drunk and out in the hot sun for longer than usual. You could fall asleep in a wading pool and be urinated upon by your neighbor’s dog. A shark could attack you while you’re flipping around on your boogie board like a dying seal. You could wear a…
TOYOOKA, JAPAN - AUGUST 04: A woman pulls her pet dog in the water at Takeno Beach on August 4, 2013 in Toyooka, Japan. This beach is open for dogs and their owners every summer between the months of June and September. (Photo by Buddhika Weerasinghe/Getty Images)
Hey there, Eastern-seaboard beach-goers! Been enjoying your summer of cold beer, casual sex, outdoor music festivals, ice cream dinners, and mysterious dolphin carcasses? Of course you haven’t — who can enjoy ice cream dinners with so many rotting dolphin carcasses lining our beaches, fouling up the air and…
But don't shit in the ocean, because then you're just a monster.
It's so hot on the East Coast right now that, last night, I had a dream I robbed a bank with the cast of Pretty Little Liars and was incarcerated in an oven as punishment. Amazingly, not everyone is sweltering right now/having sweat-induced dreams! We're doing this to ourselves!
I will open this article with my new favorite platitude to bellow at strangers in an attempt to foster a feeling of community: IT IS SO HOT, SERIOUSLY, IT IS VERY HOT. I am barely emotionally equipped to deal with it. According to my tireless research, I've found that the best psychological method for dealing with…
It's mid-July and in this particular section of the Northern Hemisphere, it's hotter than the hinges of Hell with a long stretch of blinding sun and more heat ahead. If you can't concentrate and you're feeling distracted and you, uh, can't concentrate, you may have Summer Brain.
An Ohio man who loves summer, like, more than a friend, was charged with public indecency after several children witnessed him having sex with a pool toy this week. How does that even work? What is going on?
It's summertime ladies, so the magazines and lifestyle sections are going to have a slew of reminders about making sure your feet are up to code. You know: Exfoliated. Moisturized. Pedicured. Properly covered. Like a reminder to adjust the clock or check your smoke detectors, apparently you need a media-wide nudge to…
It's too damn hot. Even in San Francisco, when it's usually cold as a yeti's ice-frosted tit, it's hot as dragon balls. That was great for Pride and all — but it's Monday now, and this shit has got. to. stop.
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ - MAY 27: Nicole Zupp carries a huge stuffed monkey on the boardwalk on the first weekend of Jersey Shore beaches re-opening to the public on May 27, 2013 in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. The region continues to recover and rebuild after Hurricane Sandy devastated parts of the coastline. (Photo by…
Myrtle Beach’s modesty police has apparently been out in full force this luxuriously long weekend, with news that three different women were arrested and charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure on three separate occasions. It’s off to South Carolina!
Ahead of what has proved for many Americans to be a happily gluttonous Memorial Day weekend, The New York Times ran a Q&A with ice cream trucker Peter Van Leeuwen, of the artisanal ice cream Van Leeuwens. Obviously, there was lots of delicious banter about ice cream and the scooping thereof, banter most definitely…
As you probably know by now, the East Coast is on its way to being hit by a massive cicada invasion. They've already started crawling out out the earth in Staten Island and won't stop crawling out of the earth until the sky is darkened by billions (literally billions) of them. If you live in this part of the world,…
Having his Words with Friends movie adaptation of The Great Gatsby pushed from a December 2012 release date to this weekend might have been the best thing to happen to Baz Luhrmann, since it’s given him a chance to expatiate on how Gatsby is the ultimate summer movie for the ultimate summer partygoer. You want to…
Don't you just love summer? Don't you feel like you just love summer that much more because of your vagina and tits? That's what a new "study" sponsored by England's summertime alcoholic beverage of choice, Pimm's, claims. They surveyed 2,000 people in the United Kingdom and found some shocking results.
This dolphin video (yay for dolphins!) comes courtesy a friend of a friend, so everybody be nice and say how much you enjoy the soothing ocean vistas. The paddleboarder's name is Nik and the reason all the dolphins swarm around him and not the rest of us is because he stuffs his boardshorts with dolphin treats. J/k…
Cathe Moritz of Princeton Junction, N.J., works on a sand sculpture during the 26th Annual New Jersey Sandcastle Contest at the 18th Avenue Beach in Belmar, N.J., Wednesday, July, 18, 2012. (AP Photo/Mel Evans)
Thanks to either global climate change or an angry Satan turning up the thermostat in Hell, it's been hotter than a leather corseted scrotum outside in most of the country. And as everything gets intolerably hot, people are retreating to their enclosed indoor spaces and cranked up the air conditioning. This uses a lot…
So you spent the weekend outside. And you were wearing one of those trendy, adorable little something or others with the crisscrossed straps? And you didn't put on enough sun screen, did you? Of course you didn't. And now you're in human lobster agony, aren't you? Let's do something about that.
Girls leap through a wall of water at Yards Park in Washington, on Thursday, June 21, 2012. Heat index values are expected to exceed 100 degrees across the northeast on Thursday, according to the National Weather Service. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)
Love Them Madly blogger Jodie has two sons, and they have have limited screen and video game time — "especially this time of year." She writes: "We love Fruit Ninja, but bringing the game to life was a fun way to get my kids to put down the iPhone for some good outdoor summer fun."
Prepare for your favorite public places to be invaded by an onslaught of bored teenagers this summer. While they once would have been spending their days mowing lawns or working in the local ice cream store, teens these days aren't getting summer jobs like they used to. This year, fewer than three in 10 American teens…
With summer rapidly approaching, we must also face the onslaught of articles and news segments on the various ways we can manipulate our bodies into looking so perfect in a swimsuit that we will never be unhappy again. As GMA pointed out this morning, people do a lot of crazy (and often senseless) things in order to…
