Texas Governor Greg Abbott Releases Bananas Plan to Overthrow the Federal Government

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has made a career, calling, and vocation out of suing the federal government—“I go into the office, I sue the federal government,” he famously said, back when he was the state’s attorney general, but today he took it to a new and special place. Abbott released an entirely insane, wholly…

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Vermont's State Bird Might as Well Be a Cat Because Those Muhfuckers Are Crazy About Cats

The rankings from the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) are in and this year's state with the most cats per capita is...drumroll, please...Vermont! Vermont's previous accomplishments include the production of not-as-good-as-Wisconsin cheese and Brigham Young. Congratulations, Vermont, land of freedom and…

Hugo Chavez Subtly Suggests That The U.S. Government Is Shooting World Leaders Full Of Cancer


After Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, the president of Argentina, was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer, Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's disturbingly kooky president, has begun insinuating that perhaps the United States is running around secretly infecting his region's leaders with the disease. His proof? Five Latin…