On October 28, 2015, 13-year-old Jessica Pelligrini began choking on an apple during lunch. The emergency could have turned fatal had fellow classmate Brandon Williams, also 13, not rushed to her side and successfully performed the Heimlich Maneuver. Marveling at Brandons’s heroism, his father Anthony Williams asked…
(Clitoris declares asylum in Europe, claiming persecution.)
Confirmed manchild Pharrell and his N.E.R.D. production partners Chad Hugo and Shay Haley have contributed music to the soundtrack for 2015's SpongeBob SquarePants: Sponge Out of Water movie. Here's a preview of their work in the form of a song called "Squeeze Me."
The Republic of Kazakhstan has joined the foreign policy debate, taking a harsh stance on marine matters—the country has deemed SpongeBob SquarePants, the lovable star of the eponymous TV show a goddamn hooligan, out to corrupt the minds of the nation's children.
Parents, beware. A new study shows that watching just nine minutes of SpongeBob SquarePants can mess with children's brains.
"Why is there this division all of a sudden between people in support of me and people against me? How did this happen? I haven't done anything to anybody! I look at Karl Lagerfeld and John Galliano—everybody has their shtick. And just because this wasn't my shtick two years ago, it's a problem."
TV Guide surveyed this season's presidential candidates about their TV-viewing preferences, and while Hillary Clinton is practically my dad with her love of HGTV, Dancing With The Stars, and Grey's Anatomy, Barack Obama proves strangely similar to Marc Jacobs in declaring his love for SpongeBob SquarePants. John…