In Battle of the Sexes, All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Is the Great Equalizer

It's not easy being a man in the modern American matriarchy! Always being forced to buy all the dinners and win all the bread and dominate all the high-paying jobs and respect all the bodily autonomy. UNFAIR, RIGHT? Sometimes it feels like what happened to equality, you know!? What do men have left to live for, even?… » 4/10/14 5:15pm 4/10/14 5:15pm

Hershey's Is Making Their Own Chocolate Spread to Take Down Nutella

Sick of playing second fiddle to that dirty seductress known as Nutella (if you're balking at that statement, come ON—would you rather have a stale little Hershey's Kiss or a fucking spoonful of thick, chocolatey nut spread!?), the Hershey's corporation has announced their own line of spreadable chocolate wonders.… » 1/16/14 5:55pm 1/16/14 5:55pm

Pediatricians Say Flamin' Hot Cheetos Are Burning Your Kid's Insides

Back in October, word went around that schools in California and New Mexico were officially banning Flamin' Hot Cheetos because of their "hyperpalatability" (translation: OM GROM GROMPH OMPH GROM GROMPH). A travesty, I know. When corn turds dipped in chili powder are outlawed, only outlaws will have corn turds dipped… » 11/19/13 11:50am 11/19/13 11:50am

Child-Proof Packaging Is the Next Step in Mainstreaming of Marijuana

The kids, as they say, are all on the pot, listening to their rock ‘n roll, and drag racing down their cul-de-sacs. But there’s a twist! These pot-crazed, drag racing youths are not high because they were convinced by some local rapscallion to “just toke on some reefer” — they accidentally ingested a… » 5/28/13 1:20pm 5/28/13 1:20pm

America's Manliest Cities, Inexplicably Brought to you by Combos

Every year, Combos, "the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese" (that looks exactly like dog food), partners with some intrepid researchers to bring us the manliest cities in America. This year, number one is Oklahoma City, OK — up two spots from last year, congratulations guys!!! — with Columbia,… » 6/22/12 5:30pm 6/22/12 5:30pm

Bread: Another Food That Is Trying to Kill You

Forget the best thing since sliced bread, because it turns out sliced bread is actually the worst thing ever—okay, not ever, but it is the worst in terms of sodium content. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention compiled the list of the top 10 sources of sodium in our diet, and bread and rolls came in at the… » 2/07/12 11:50pm 2/07/12 11:50pm

Junk Food in Schools Isn't Actually Making Kids Fat

Here's a little something for you from the department of counterintuitive findings: It turns out that selling junk food in schools doesn't actually have anything to do with making kids being obese. Are you fucking kidding me? After the countless hand motions we've all wasted scrolling through articles urging us to… » 1/24/12 12:15pm 1/24/12 12:15pm

Soon You'll Be Able to Get Wasted at Starbucks


As if their complete control over your morning addiction wasn't enough, Starbucks has now announced it's going to start selling booze at some of its cafes during the evening. Oh, this is going to be good—you'll be able to get hammered at night and then sober up on a venti caramel macchiato the next morning. (Or if… » 1/23/12 9:00pm 1/23/12 9:00pm

100-Calorie Snacks Are The Downfall Of American Civilization

100-calorie snacks are, among many other things, the reason I despise the word "innovation" when used in the context of the defense of market capitalism. Inventing the Dorito: that is "innovation." Crushing nine Doritos into small pieces and selling them in miniature bags because our landfills aren't being occupied… » 1/15/08 2:00pm 1/15/08 2:00pm