In Battle of the Sexes, All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Is the Great Equalizer

It's not easy being a man in the modern American matriarchy! Always being forced to buy all the dinners and win all the bread and dominate all the high-paying jobs and respect all the bodily autonomy. UNFAIR, RIGHT? Sometimes it feels like what happened to equality, you know!? What do men have left to live for, even?… »4/10/14 5:15pm4/10/14 5:15pm

Hershey's Is Making Their Own Chocolate Spread to Take Down Nutella

Sick of playing second fiddle to that dirty seductress known as Nutella (if you're balking at that statement, come ON—would you rather have a stale little Hershey's Kiss or a fucking spoonful of thick, chocolatey nut spread!?), the Hershey's corporation has announced their own line of spreadable chocolate wonders.… »1/16/14 5:55pm1/16/14 5:55pm

Pediatricians Say Flamin' Hot Cheetos Are Burning Your Kid's Insides

Back in October, word went around that schools in California and New Mexico were officially banning Flamin' Hot Cheetos because of their "hyperpalatability" (translation: OM GROM GROMPH OMPH GROM GROMPH). A travesty, I know. When corn turds dipped in chili powder are outlawed, only outlaws will have corn turds dipped… »11/19/13 11:50am11/19/13 11:50am

Child-Proof Packaging Is the Next Step in Mainstreaming of Marijuana

The kids, as they say, are all on the pot, listening to their rock ‘n roll, and drag racing down their cul-de-sacs. But there’s a twist! These pot-crazed, drag racing youths are not high because they were convinced by some local rapscallion to “just toke on some reefer” — they accidentally ingested a… »5/28/13 1:20pm5/28/13 1:20pm

America's Manliest Cities, Inexplicably Brought to you by Combos

Every year, Combos, "the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese" (that looks exactly like dog food), partners with some intrepid researchers to bring us the manliest cities in America. This year, number one is Oklahoma City, OK — up two spots from last year, congratulations guys!!! — with Columbia,… »6/22/12 5:30pm6/22/12 5:30pm