Welcome back to Pissing Contest, where every week we try to outdo each other with our craziest real life stories. Today, the Jezebel staff is feeling a little rough after a Thursday night spent welcoming new staff writer Bobby Finger with karaoke and too much beer, so we’re using our pain to inspire this week’s theme:…

There's a bad batch of salad mix going around right now — over 350 people have gotten sick in 15 different states — but we, the public, have no idea which brand of salad mix is to blame. And there's a law making sure we don't find out.

We all have those friends who are competitive or are constantly causing drama for one reason or another. It's tempting to just put up with them, but a new study has found that conflicts with those kinds of people could actually be irritating you physically—as in causing your immune system to fire up. This leads to…

Something something high temperatures something something antioxidants. Who cares. Boozing in the bath sounds lovely, and for once, science is recommending something we actually enjoy.

WTF. This is just not right.

Russian police are searching for the man who forced a donkey to parasail along a beach for half an hour to promote a paragliding company. The painful ride ended with the animal "half-dead" and the owner nowhere to be found.

In this day and age, isn't hypochondria just making good use of the information you've been supplied?

A study says one in two dudes exaggerate and are likely to call a cold a "flu" and a headache a "migraine." Try having cramps, jerks! [Daily Mail]

The swine flu remains at high levels and continues to increase in North America; it's becoming more active in Europe and Central and Western Asia; more cases are being reported in Caribbean countries (Cuba, Haiti). Panic, anyone? [CNN]

From a friend: "The boyfriend of a girl I know went down on her when he had strep and she got STREP VAGINA. She had to sit in a cold bath; it was incredibly painful."

Cold and flu season is coming, and to be honest, I am dreading it. Last winter, I got strep throat for the first time in my life, and I wanted to die. The fever and sensitivity to light were awful. And while I've had bad tonsils ever since I was a kid, I've never not been able to swallow anything for so many days in a…