New York's Poop Bag Nightmare Is Over, For Now

A man who tried to cover two women in poop on New York’s Upper East Side has been caught. That being said, I’m still out of this city.

A man who tried to cover two women in poop on New York’s Upper East Side has been caught. That being said, I’m still out of this city.

After spotting a link for a new T-Pain music video for his song “Laugh n Dab,” I was ready to watch him, you know, laughing and dabbing. So I’m bopping along to this catchy song about haters, thinking, Aw, T-Pain why don’t more people appreciate you...when, wait... WHAT.
So, here’s the situation: you’re going to get poop on you. The reasons why aren’t important, not for the purposes of this hypothetical, just: there’s going to be shit—people shit—either in your mouth or your eyes. Someone’s going to put it there. Which do you choose? How come? Is there a self-evidently better choice…
At what age are you allowed to stop doing bullshit things you no longer feel like doing with the excuse “I’m too old for this shit”? I often wondered in my twenties when I could take advantage of this exciting turn of phrase used by older people everywhere, along with wondering what specific types of shit I’d be able…
End of summer got you down in the dumps? You're not alone. In fact, nowhere in America is it shittier right now than it is on Mississippi State's campus, where a roving band of feral female undergraduates are allegedly shitting all over the place in an attempt to impress their desired sorority with their prolific…
Poop transplants—in which doctors take poop from one person and then put it directly into another person's butt—are a relatively new technology that can save lives. So it only makes sense that a human stool bank has opened to provide doctors with safe fecal matter from screened donors.
Ohhhhhh my GOD, I will never ever ever in my life get tired of stories where doctors use poop as medicine. EVER. Because, you see, it's poop (which is stinky stuff that comes out of your butt*), and then doctors (who are very serious science grown-ups) have to touch the poop with doctory gravitas, and then they turn…
Because why not, some gadzillionaire has invested in the Titanic II, an exact replica of that one crazy cruise ship that was so full of love, giant diamonds, and, uh, death, and apparently lonely boners and sad hearts are already willing to pay $1 million to be a bourgie guest at the Neue Titanic. But what if you're…
I swear a lot. In writing, if not so much in speech (but, fuck it, also a lot of times in speech). Swearing is awesome, because it adds a little extra punch to your sentence that lets people know you mean business! Or, at least, I guess that's how most people characterize the function of swearing. Personally, I don't…
What goes in, must come out — and when it does come out, it's basically a murky crystal ball into your gastrointestinal health. Poo is the funky combo of water, fiber, bacteria, cells, and mucus that fills your toilet bowl — and that's all good. However, when weird colors, textures, and consistencies get up in the…
In November of 2011, Cindi Leive, editor in chief of Glamour magazine, wrote the coverline "12 Ways to Get Your Sh*t Together." Then for the September 2012 issue, there was a coverline "Sh*t Girls Say About Clothes." Yes, in both cases, the "i" in "shit" was an asterisk, but still. It should have been a…
When I was a sophomore in college, making my dollars working in the theatre department's costume shop, I stitched alongside a posse of unspeakably cool senior girls. Being prime players in the University's theatre scene, they were into shock and awe when it came the way they dressed, did their hair, and even — or…
In 2008 I was living in Paraguay. I had just started my two-year stint as a Peace Corps volunteer and I was in charge of procuring my own work. Arts and crafts projects would have been a simple way to improve the community while I adjusted to an entirely new diet and language. But I had little patience and thought I…
It's no secret that children can play awful tricks on one another, but you don't usually expect teachers and parents to be in on the prank. But that's exactly what happened during a class canoe trip in Manitoba, Canada, when a parent chaperone tricked two different students into eating moose poop. Karen Eyolfson says…