How Are Your Poops?
Nothing matters right now, so I’m going to tell you about my poops. I never really aspired to write about my butthole, but here we are, living in one.
My Beautiful Shit-Denying Twisted Fantasy of a Disney Cruise
If I ever kill anyone, I will kill them on a cruise ship.
New York's Poop Bag Nightmare Is Over, For Now
A man who tried to cover two women in poop on New York’s Upper East Side has been caught. That being said, I’m still out of this city.
No Other Way to Put This… T-Pain Takes a Shit In His New Music Video
After spotting a link for a new T-Pain music video for his song “Laugh n Dab,” I was ready to watch him, you know, laughing and dabbing. So I’m bopping along to this catchy song about haters, thinking, Aw, T-Pain why don’t more people appreciate you...when, wait... WHAT.
This Election Season, Would You Rather Someone Pooped In Your Mouth or Your Eyes?
So, here’s the situation: you’re going to get poop on you. The reasons why aren’t important, not for the purposes of this hypothetical, just: there’s going to be shit—people shit—either in your mouth or your eyes. Someone’s going to put it there. Which do you choose? How come? Is there a self-evidently better choice…
C-SPAN Caller Asks If He Can Shit In Rep. Dave Brat's Mouth
It is so wonderful to see civilians getting involved in the political process.
What Shit Are You Too Old For?
At what age are you allowed to stop doing bullshit things you no longer feel like doing with the excuse “I’m too old for this shit”? I often wondered in my twenties when I could take advantage of this exciting turn of phrase used by older people everywhere, along with wondering what specific types of shit I’d be able…
Yes, Cards Against Humanity Made $180,000 Selling Boxes of Shit [UPDATE]
If you're trying to spend your holiday season rediscovering your faith in humanity, it's probably best that you not think about how 30,000 people collectively spent $180,000 buying actual boxes of shit from a card game company.
Sorority Girls Allegedly Shitting All Over Mississippi State's Campus
End of summer got you down in the dumps? You're not alone. In fact, nowhere in America is it shittier right now than it is on Mississippi State's campus, where a roving band of feral female undergraduates are allegedly shitting all over the place in an attempt to impress their desired sorority with their prolific…
The Key to Greater Work Happiness Is Taking and Giving Less Shit
The hardest part about any office job is probably not the job — it's the people, AKA dealing with other personalities so fundamentally different, irritating, and mismatched that it's a wonder any work gets done at all. But what if you only needed to adjust two things to be happier at work?
The Environmental Protection Agency Has a Serial Hallway Pooper
A regional office of the Environmental Protection Agency is having a little difficulty protecting its own environment, as someone keeps using their hands or buttholes to leave human shit in the halls. Seriously.
The Nation's First Poop Transplant Bank Has Opened
Poop transplants—in which doctors take poop from one person and then put it directly into another person's butt—are a relatively new technology that can save lives. So it only makes sense that a human stool bank has opened to provide doctors with safe fecal matter from screened donors.
Shit, Cosmo Says on New Cover
The trend of women's magazines using curse words on their covers continues: Cosmopolitan's January cover screams "52 HOLY SH@*!T SEX MOVES: Let the Games Begin!"
Seriously, Poop Pills Just Might Save Your Life (With Poop!)
Ohhhhhh my GOD, I will never ever ever in my life get tired of stories where doctors use poop as medicine. EVER. Because, you see, it's poop (which is stinky stuff that comes out of your butt*), and then doctors (who are very serious science grown-ups) have to touch the poop with doctory gravitas, and then they turn…
City Combats Dog Poop Problem With Image of Little Girl Eating Shit
Apparently the three-year-olds of Bristol, England got a taste for fido's feces and now they can't get enough. Yummy yummy.
Poor, Horny Romantics Ready to Die Can Work at the Titanic II
Because why not, some gadzillionaire has invested in the Titanic II, an exact replica of that one crazy cruise ship that was so full of love, giant diamonds, and, uh, death, and apparently lonely boners and sad hearts are already willing to pay $1 million to be a bourgie guest at the Neue Titanic. But what if you're a…
Fuck Your Delicate Sensibilities, I'm Going to Swear as Much as I Want
I swear a lot. In writing, if not so much in speech (but, fuck it, also a lot of times in speech). Swearing is awesome, because it adds a little extra punch to your sentence that lets people know you mean business! Or, at least, I guess that's how most people characterize the function of swearing. Personally, I don't…
If You're Not Examining Your Poop, You're Not Living
What goes in, must come out — and when it does come out, it's basically a murky crystal ball into your gastrointestinal health. Poo is the funky combo of water, fiber, bacteria, cells, and mucus that fills your toilet bowl — and that's all good. However, when weird colors, textures, and consistencies get up in the…
Ladymags Now Using Non-Ladylike Language
In November of 2011, Cindi Leive, editor in chief of Glamour magazine, wrote the coverline "12 Ways to Get Your Sh*t Together." Then for the September 2012 issue, there was a coverline "Sh*t Girls Say About Clothes." Yes, in both cases, the "i" in "shit" was an asterisk, but still. It should have been a…
Everybody Poops, So Why Do So Many Women Avoid Going at Work?
When I was a sophomore in college, making my dollars working in the theatre department's costume shop, I stitched alongside a posse of unspeakably cool senior girls. Being prime players in the University's theatre scene, they were into shock and awe when it came the way they dressed, did their hair, and even — or…
