Apropos of absolutely nothing, I’ve been having an extremely frustrating denim experience. I recently ordered a new pair of jeans in the same size and cut that I’ve purchased three previous times. When they arrived, the jeans didn’t fit. I returned them and reordered another pair. Then I ordered a second pair and…
A mischievous young shit-starter called into Watch What Happens Live! on Sunday for the express purpose of asking fashion icon André Leon Talley (ALT) to choose between Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks.
You have my advanced apologies this week for including so many images of terrible men who look like infected stubbed toes. Not a lot I can do about that.
Hopefully everyone who read Shade Court last week is still alive and back again today. If that’s the case, it’s good news because it signifies A) we haven’t been bombed into a nuclear holocaust by North Korea and B) I don’t want to tempt fate by bragging about any additional good news so let’s just stop there.
Citizens, let me remind you that even your own Judge Brown is not immune to her civic duties. I spent the morning at jury duty unable to try these important shade cases until later than usual. But I have returned and am back to slowly cranking this equally important wheel of justice.
A new month is upon is, I can almost smell the warm summer air and yet for some reason, retailers are trying to sell me velvet sundresses. Now that we’re on the subject of ridiculous things, let’s go to court.
It’s amazing what a nice meal and witnessing the most humiliating moment of Paul Ryan’s life can do for your spirit. Today is a good day and I’m ready for some shade justice.
I haven’t checked, but I’m almost certain Shade Court is the only branch of government still standing. If that’s the case, hi, I’m in charge now. This is the new national anthem, healthcare is free, I’ve sent Paul Ryan to Cuba and jalapeño poppers can now be used as currency. This is Judge Brown’s America.
Well folks, we made it to another Friday. As usual, it felt like it took approximately four-and-a-half months to get here but here we are, nonetheless.
I have a head cold and a racist Keebler elf crossbred with a lying troll is still the Attorney General of the United States. HOW’S YOUR WEEK BEEN?
Some days I look at the young, fresh-faced, curmudgeonly child in the photo above and wonder: how is it possible that she is now 367 years old? Then I remember Donald Trump is president and people still don’t know how to use shade correctly. Life is long and it’s even longer when everybody has lost their goddamn mind.
First of all, a huge shout out to all the non-Trump related shade sent to me this week. Communication is the most important part of any relationship; you guys listened, and I thank you for that.
It’s starting to feel like this has turned into one giant Donald Trump shade column and I hate hate hate it. I understand that, to some extent, this cannot be avoided. He is an extremely disliked man and instead of blood, he survives off of the pumping of media attention through his veins.
Box wine. That’s all I’m going to say, guys. Lots and lots of box wine.
Does anyone else need a drink? Goddamn. Let’s do this.
Today is a very bad and extremely sad day.
Welcome to the first Shade Court of 2017, the final year of American democracy and the year I finally own more than four coffee mugs.
Here we are. Can you believe it? Did you, like me, worry we’d be stuck in a never-ending vortex wherein this year simply repeated itself over and over until we all ceased to understand about the very notion of reality? Do you now, actually, want this year to repeat itself in all its monstrous glory so that we never…
Let me anger bigots around the country by wishing you a very happy holidays.
Guys, how many more weeks are left in this year? What are the odds 2017 will bring about a greater national understanding of shade as well as fewer instances of people trying to bite Judge Brown’s steeze? Oh, incredibly low, you say? Perfect.