sexplanations - Jezebel

posts about #sexplanations more →
Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
Dr. Phil's Teen Oral Sex Show Is Infuriating
'69: How The Sexual Revolution Informed Feminism, Improved Orgasms
'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, Crowning
Does Knowing More About Sex Make You Want It Less?
"10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm"
What Exactly Is "Hooking Up"?
Dr. Betty Dodson Answers Sex Questions Orally
When It Comes To Sex, What Exactly Is "Normal"?
The Legality Of "Road Head" (Or, 13 States In Which We've Broken The Law By Giving A Beej)

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Newmy
11/06/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
I saw the semen allergy segment preview on Good Morning America and this really struck close to home, as I'm confident I have the same thing, I just never knew what it was. I've only had one partner, my husband, and I always had severe internal pain from his semen (and note to Tracie, I never had a reaction from semen elsewhere, such as on my skin, just in the vagina). Because he is my only partner, I thought maybe it was just something wrong with me.

Fortunately, we got pregnant on the first try, so no issues there... I just had to deal with the pain during our attempt to conceive. I've asked my nurse practitioner at the ObGyn's office about it, but she didn't have a clue as to the reason. I wouldn't be surprised if there are more women out there with this problem than what is known. #sexsomnia
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redqueenmeg
11/06/09

@Newmy: I have a sensitivity to my husband too. It doesn't cause me pain unless we're doing it more than once a day but at that point he can actually change my internal pH and I get incredible illnesses from that. We've both been checked out and that is the only thing it can be.

The fun part is I am allergic to latex also. #sexsomnia
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limber
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
"He was like..." "I was like..." "And he was like..." "And I was like..."

My grandmother has just rolled over in her grave. #sexsomnia
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Hana Maru
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
I have sexsomnia. I might masturbate furiously, or I might grope or go down on my bed partner. It's only happened with lovers, usually after we have sex and fall asleep, but it makes me uneasy about whom I share a bed or room with, for sure.

I had a boyfriend once who had the same thing. We frequently woke up in the midst of wild, rapturous sex. I kind of miss that.

I didn't know what I had until I read this amazing article:
[www.nytimes.com] #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
An ex of mine did this once. I would have been down for it except he lived in a dorm at the time and his roomate was about 2 feet away, so I was stuck trying to wake him up without waking up the roomate. It was way awkward #sexsomnia
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dreamypisces
11/05/09

@colormeroutine: and if you weren't there?!? poor roomate... #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@dreamypisces: Well I don't think that would have happened. It was something about having a person in the bed that triggered it. Which makes sense- spooning-arousal-sex, but just without waking up in between #sexsomnia
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mannequin
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
I am still a virgin in high school, and now I am really worried about number 2. #sexsomnia
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Cimorene
11/05/09

@mannequin: My old roommate's mom is an allergist, and she said that this couple wanted to have kids and have sex without condoms, but the wife was allergic to his sperm. So her mom, their allergist, basically injected her with a little bit of his sperm over the course of a year (or more?) so that she could build up an immunity and get over her allergy. #sexsomnia
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PaintedTrollop
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
Hmm...if I'd had this, I might have stayed married to my second husband. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
I can see women being really, really taken advantage of (and let's be blunt, raped) if they have sexsomnia -- and then having a really hard time successfully prosecuting their rapist. #sexsomnia
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tehcutie
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: Honestly, if the woman initiates and the man is unaware of her condition, I don't think the act can be considered rape. And if she's aware of her condition, she's assuming the risk by sleeping in the same bed as some one. The line has to be drawn somewhere to protect innocent people from being incarcerated. #sexsomnia
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logruszed
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: according to the Wiki the first widely reported case of this the opposite happened where the person with sexsomnia was accused, and acquitted, of assault. I guess it could go either way, from what I'm reading here the person with the disorder is the one initiating the act and can appear to be at least somewhat alert.

So on the one hand you have a person with a disorder that causes them to initiate sexual activity beyond their awareness or ability to control (unless diagnosed and treated) and then you have the person(s) they are having the sex with who may have no reason to think the person initiating sex with them is unaware of their behavior. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@tehcutie: What if she is unaware of her condition and her attacker is aware? What if her attacker was not invited into her bed? Also, ummm..... sleeping in the same bed as someone does not equal consent to have sex. I am a lot more concerned about potential victims than drawing an arbitrary line. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@logruszed: Ok, after doing some reading, it looks like there have been a handful of high-profile cases of people with the disorder (which is apparently more common in men) being accused of assaulting or raping others, and having no idea they'd done it. That's... such an awful situation for everyone involved. #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: How could someone else be aware you have a medical condition if you aren't aware of it? #sexsomnia
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tehcutie
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: In cases of "normal" people sharing beds, sleeping in the same bed definitely does not constitute consent.

I'm concerned about someone being incarcerated for having what he (or she) thought was consensual sex, that's all. And honestly, if someone has this condition, they have to be a little bit more cautious (not that it would be their fault at all if they were raped, but whoever was sleeping with them at the time wouldn't necessarily be held guilty either). #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: Also, you keep saying she, but there are also men with this disorder #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@colormeroutine: Did you watch the first clip? The woman's boyfriend frankly said to her, "you've been having sex in your sleep for a long time." Meanwhile, she had no idea. They may not know the name of the condition, but apparently, it can be obvious that the person is sleeping (just as it can be with sleepwalking). #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@colormeroutine: Yep, as I said in a comment above, it's more common in men.

Forgive me for not using he/she in every comment I make on a website. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@tehcutie: I see your points. But go back and read my original comment. I am concerned about this condition making someone more vulnerable to rape. I didn't say that sleeping with a sexsomniac always constitutes rape or anything like that. #sexsomnia
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Faster.Pussycat
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: sex with a sleeping person is rape, just like sex with an incapacitatedly drunk person is rape. People engaged in parasomniac behaviors are not fully aware of what they are doing. It is impossible to consent in such a condition. #sexsomnia
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Faster.Pussycat
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: Maybe it's more common in men, or maybe it's more common for men who rape women to use it as a defense. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@Faster.Pussycat: FYI, I read a medical journal article that showed it being more common in men. (though it has not been studied much at this point). #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@Faster.Pussycat: I can conceive of situations where either the sexsomniac's partner did not realize they were asleep (which, I guess, yeah, that's still rape, though not intentional) or the sexsomniac gave consent to their partner to engage in behaviors that they may initiate while asleep (and by consent, I mean an explicit conversation, not just sharing a bed with someone).

But generally speaking, I agree with you and that was my point. The need for consent doesn't magically go away just because someone has a sleep disorder, and frankly, I'm a bit horrified by some of the responses I've gotten here. #sexsomnia
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tehcutie
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: I think you guys are confusing "consent" and being the one to actually initiate the act. This disorder presumably causes the women or men to begin engaging in sex.

Rape is rape; I can't conceive of a hypothetical where a rapist could use their victim's sexsomnia disorder as an affirmative defense.

In the cases you've mentioned, thesciencegirl, I also don't think these men would be off the hook (although it depends on the particular state law) because insanity (or whatever mental disorder) generally cannot be used as a defense in this country. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@tehcutie: If a "normal" (awake) person gives a man a handjob, but that's all they intended to initiate, can they then be raped? YES.

Likewise for a sexsomniac.

The cases I read with successful sexsomnia defenses were all in the UK, I believe. #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: I get that the need for consent does not go away, but it's just, what exactly are you supposed to do? People with this disorder can get pretty damn persistent, and can be very hard to wake up. #sexsomnia
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Faster.Pussycat
11/05/09

@tehcutie: when people are awake and sober, sure, you can assume that the initiator consents. when people are asleep/drunk, just because they are initiating, doesn't mean they really want it. esp if they are asleep. they are not exercising bad or confused judgement, as a drunk person throwing hirself at somebody might be. judgement just doesn't exist. #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@colormeroutine: Yes, I grant that it can be a complicated situation all around. But watching that video, when the woman reported her boyfriend nonchalantly saying that she regularly initiated sex while sleeping and he had never told her, was I the only one totally squicked out by that?! #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@Faster.Pussycat: I get your point, but: Someone I dated occasionally did this. As I already said, people with this condition can be pretty damn persistent, and pretty hard to wake up. The first time it happened I didn't realize he was asleep at first, but DID object because his roommate was asleep about 5 feet away. I was trying to wrestle him off/figure out what the fuck was going on without making any noise, and then I realized he was asleep. I was eventually able to push him off and leave the room for a few minutes, and when I came back he was still asleep, totally normal, and it was all good. But let's say I hadn't been able to push him off or the roommate wasn't there and I didn't realize he was asleep....I'd be a rapist, then? #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: yeah, that's kind of gross #sexsomnia
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thesciencegirl
11/05/09

@colormeroutine: If you hadn't been able to push him off, how does that make YOU a rapist? I feel like people are talking about different scenarios here and everyone is trying to conflate them. #sexsomnia
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colormeroutine
11/05/09

@thesciencegirl: That's my point. faster.pussycat is simultaneously saying that sex with a sleeping person is rape, full-stop, even if they initiate it, because judgement doesn't exist, but that a sleeping person can be a rapist. I was attempting to illustrate why that makes no sense #sexsomnia
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NellMood
11/05/09

@tehcutie: Drunk/high people initiate sex, but they can't legally consent. Underage people can initiate sex, but they can't legally consent. There are plenty of scenarios, including this one, where someone can initiate sex but can't actually consent to it. #sexsomnia
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Cimorene
11/05/09

@Faster.Pussycat: I think that one cannot conflate this particular disease with being drunk or high. When someone is so drunk that they don't know what they're doing, it's obvious that they are drunk. So when someone has sex with a drunk person who's too drunk to consent, the non-drunk person is a rapist.

From what I understand of sleepwalking and other sleepwalking-like disorders, it's possible to not realize the person asleep is actually asleep. People sleepwalk with their eyes open. So if someone was asleep but you didn't realize it, and started to make sexy time moves, how could it be rape, legally?

I'm less concerned about actual cases in which rape under these circumstances are occcurring, and more concerned about this stuff getting used as an excuse for raping someone. This disorder is so rare that the larger danger (societally, obviously not on an individual level) is using it as a defense.

I've definitely started having sex while still asleep. I take medicine that makes me have very, very vivid dreams, and a few months ago I woke up in the middle of fooling around with my boyfriend. Actually I was about to have an orgasm and that was what woke me up. Actually it was fucking awesome. He didn't realize that I was asleep until after we were finished having sex (I woke up before there was any actual intercourse). He was like, "I was wondering why you suddenly went from being kind of quiet to suddenly being far more vocal." That woman's boyfriend is way creepier, though, because he knew she was asleep. If my boyfriend had known I was asleep he would have poked me in the cheek to wake me up and make sure everything was ok.

I wish it would happen more often though, because seriously waking up to an orgasm is delightful, especially for someone who usually has to concentrate really hard on to have one. #sexsomnia
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ElleS'appelleElsa
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
My boyfriend says I've given him BJs in the middle of the night. After that I was kind of scared to crash at anyone's house but apparently I've only done this to him. It's kinda cool and never gets in the way of our relationship. #sexsomnia
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GirlFailer
11/05/09

@ElleS'appelleElsa: My husband tries to initiate sex in his sleep all the time. Or he reaches out and gropes me in his sleep. All this time I just thought he was being an asshole, and now I find out about sexsomnia! #sexsomnia
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ElleS'appelleElsa
11/05/09

@GirlFailer: It's possible that's what's happening. Does he have any other forms of parasomnia? What led me to discover this sort of, er, diagnosis (?) is that I've always walked and talked in my sleep, which is actually rare for adults- somewhere around 4% of adults have parasomnia. It's really fascinating. #sexsomnia
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logruszed
11/05/09

@ElleS'appelleElsa: Or nobody is telling you because they don't want to miss out on any more free bjs. #sexsomnia
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GirlFailer
11/05/09

@ElleS'appelleElsa: Actually, yes he does sleep walk, but normally only if he's stressed, or drinks too much (which is pretty rare). He thinks he's at work and I have to try pretty hard to wake him up. Sometimes the day after the groping I'll ask him why the hell he wouldn't leave my boobs alone and he will have *no clue* what I am talking about. Normally I just whack him on the hand and he cuts it out. I'd show him this article, but I don't want to give him anymore ideas. We'll keep it at fondling, dammit. :) #sexsomnia
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Hana Maru
11/05/09

@ElleS'appelleElsa: I have sexsomnia, I talk in my sleep too. I'm not a sleepwalker, though. #sexsomnia
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sweet_communist
11/05/09

@Hana Maru: Now I'm worried because I'm forever screaming and mumbling in my sleep. One time I was sleeping over at a friend's house, and I woke him by yelling, "Word, bitch!" and then rolling over, apparently still asleep. He said he stared at me for a couple minutes, trying to contain his laughter. #sexsomnia
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kella
11/05/09

@GirlFailer: My BF does the same thing. Usually about an hour after we fall asleep (maybe once or twice a month). I either push him away and he stops or I go along. It's funny, and a little weird, but generally I don't care. #sexsomnia
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GirlFailer
11/05/09

@Hana Maru: This is really interesting to me, now. I feel silly, but now I wonder if my husband doesn't show signs of sexsomnia. I never could have imagined his groping, and initiating sex during sleep, having a diagnosis. Joking aside, I think I may bring this up to him. He has sleep walked for years, but he doesn't do it often. However, the groping is pretty much nightly. It's not too bothersome, like I said, I can whack his hand or shake him semi awake and he will stop. I've just been under the impression he was horny. This is really interesting. #sexsomnia
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Hana Maru
11/05/09

@GirlFailer: Check out the NYT Magazine article I linked to above, if you're curious about this stuff. It's long, but was so interesting to me that I read it in one go.

As a person who has this disorder, it can be quite scary not knowing what I'll do every night when I go to sleep. I feel bad for my partner too. He tells me sometimes that I woke him up. I'm sure it's trying to sleep with someone like me. I'm also a snorer. #sexsomnia
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jemandtheholograms
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
#3 sounds like what I wish I was doing right now. Why is she complaining? Is there more to this? Tracie: can we get an update? #sexsomnia
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elliebean
11/05/09

@jemandtheholograms: She also says, "as a teenager", which especially makes me think "so what? enjoy, you're a horny teenager". #sexsomnia
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jemandtheholograms
11/05/09

@elliebean: Did it progress to now that she's an adult she can't leave her house because her hand is constantly drawn to her clit? I'm just confused. #sexsomnia
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jenilane
11/05/09

@jemandtheholograms: Maybe she can't go into a Cold Stone because she has an instant orgasm? #sexsomnia
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twtw
11/05/09

@jemandtheholograms: sex addict? #sexsomnia
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jemandtheholograms
11/05/09

@twtw: Maybe the problem was that the combo led to a permanently frozen vagina? #sexsomnia
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logruszed
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
I am 38 and still enjoy masturbation and ice cream. #sexsomnia
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Ailatan
11/05/09

@logruszed: I'm 32 and I enjoy those two but not in that order. #sexsomnia
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Packy_1962
11/05/09

@Ailatan: How else do you work off the calories from the ice cream? #sexsomnia
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jenilane
11/05/09

@Packy_1962: Oh, Ben! JERRY!!! #sexsomnia
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Acefreakly
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
not to double comment - but what disorder does the woman in the third clip have? Do they tell what the name is? #sexsomnia
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GirlFailer
11/05/09

@Acefreakly: Beingahornyteenagerwholikesice...-itis. This is just a guess. #sexsomnia
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pesematology
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
If you watch either House or Law and Order SVU, you already know about this phenomenon. #sexsomnia
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GirlFailer
11/05/09

In reply to Sexsomnia: It's Like Sleepwalking, But With Sex
That's all we get with clip 3? I need to know more! TEASE! #sexsomnia
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Ailatan
11/05/09

@GirlFailer: Cock Tease! #sexsomnia
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spamanda
11/05/09

@GirlFailer: Right??? Cause I'm pretty sure I've done that. More than once. #sexsomnia
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lavenderstain
10/08/09

In reply to Dr. Phil's Teen Oral Sex Show Is Infuriating
I just love imagining her going up and telling people to stop "thrusting"
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schlegs84
10/08/09

@lavenderstain: "Leave room for the holy spirit"...
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annoir
10/08/09

In reply to Dr. Phil's Teen Oral Sex Show Is Infuriating
Ok, maybe I am a curmudgeon but comdoms and panties left on the dance floor does sound nasty to me.
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