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New York, 10:31 PM
Sat Nov 7
20 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/05/09
My grandmother has just rolled over in her grave. #sexsomnia
11/05/09
I had a boyfriend once who had the same thing. We frequently woke up in the midst of wild, rapturous sex. I kind of miss that.
I didn't know what I had until I read this amazing article:
[www.nytimes.com] #sexsomnia
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So on the one hand you have a person with a disorder that causes them to initiate sexual activity beyond their awareness or ability to control (unless diagnosed and treated) and then you have the person(s) they are having the sex with who may have no reason to think the person initiating sex with them is unaware of their behavior. #sexsomnia
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I'm concerned about someone being incarcerated for having what he (or she) thought was consensual sex, that's all. And honestly, if someone has this condition, they have to be a little bit more cautious (not that it would be their fault at all if they were raped, but whoever was sleeping with them at the time wouldn't necessarily be held guilty either). #sexsomnia
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Forgive me for not using he/she in every comment I make on a website. #sexsomnia
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But generally speaking, I agree with you and that was my point. The need for consent doesn't magically go away just because someone has a sleep disorder, and frankly, I'm a bit horrified by some of the responses I've gotten here. #sexsomnia
11/05/09
Rape is rape; I can't conceive of a hypothetical where a rapist could use their victim's sexsomnia disorder as an affirmative defense.
In the cases you've mentioned, thesciencegirl, I also don't think these men would be off the hook (although it depends on the particular state law) because insanity (or whatever mental disorder) generally cannot be used as a defense in this country. #sexsomnia
11/05/09
Likewise for a sexsomniac.
The cases I read with successful sexsomnia defenses were all in the UK, I believe. #sexsomnia
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From what I understand of sleepwalking and other sleepwalking-like disorders, it's possible to not realize the person asleep is actually asleep. People sleepwalk with their eyes open. So if someone was asleep but you didn't realize it, and started to make sexy time moves, how could it be rape, legally?
I'm less concerned about actual cases in which rape under these circumstances are occcurring, and more concerned about this stuff getting used as an excuse for raping someone. This disorder is so rare that the larger danger (societally, obviously not on an individual level) is using it as a defense.
I've definitely started having sex while still asleep. I take medicine that makes me have very, very vivid dreams, and a few months ago I woke up in the middle of fooling around with my boyfriend. Actually I was about to have an orgasm and that was what woke me up. Actually it was fucking awesome. He didn't realize that I was asleep until after we were finished having sex (I woke up before there was any actual intercourse). He was like, "I was wondering why you suddenly went from being kind of quiet to suddenly being far more vocal." That woman's boyfriend is way creepier, though, because he knew she was asleep. If my boyfriend had known I was asleep he would have poked me in the cheek to wake me up and make sure everything was ok.
I wish it would happen more often though, because seriously waking up to an orgasm is delightful, especially for someone who usually has to concentrate really hard on to have one. #sexsomnia
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and for the record, this woman he has in the first clip is a canadian documentary filmmaker/tabloid journalist. and the movie that she made to which she refers is about girls in CANADA. this fraud made the talkshow rounds a few months ago under the "oral sex is the new goodnight kiss" line and it was just as much bullshit then as it is now.
10/08/09
10/08/09
When I was 15, my boyfriend was 17. He went down on my all the time, and I never returned the favor. I was scared to death of his penis! And he never made me feel guilty about it. I think he got a lot of pleasure from making me happy. And the one time we almost had sex, I said no after the condom was on and he was ready to go, and he didn't give me any attitude or hassle.
I wonder how he's doing now, and I bet his girlfriend or wife is a very satisfied. I was very grateful to have such a good guy be the one to introduce me to sexuality, and he certainly earned some good karma.
There are good guys out there!
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It's funny that you mention men our age, because what I miss most about being in high school, even once I had had sex, was the way that making out for hours was an acceptable thing. Now, it's like, "Oh, my dick is hard, let's do something about that! Right now." No. I would like to make out for hours again. I think it would make sex more exciting, too.
10/08/09
Some guys get off on feeling like a nice guy.
10/08/09
If you are not still with her (probably not, since it seemed like you were speaking in the past tense) know that she probably remembers you with a lot of affection and gratitude for being so great.
You just made my day! It's so nice to hear from the good guys.
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After barely seeing him for years we reconnected on his 18th birthday and I took his virginity. It just didn't seem right that a guy who'd done so much for the pleasure of girls never got much in return. But he was so big I almost cried, so I understand why we were all so scared of the penis.
10/08/09