Jezebel 
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New York, 12:55 PM
Sun Nov 22
23 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/21/09
It's ridiculous. And couldn't we get a better handle on things like the spread of STDs if this shit was legalized?
11/21/09
I think by legalizing it, it would help those who were brought in from other countries who feel they can't go to police [or their passports were taken away by the people who brought them here]. I was surprised that this still happens a lot.
11/21/09
11/21/09
They do not significantly help the actual sex workers because the johns are not required to prove they are STI free.
Those laws are generally written from the perspective of protecting the innocent women who are married to johns, not the sex workers. It is a useful public health policy, but it basically treats sex workers like Typhoid Marys.
08:06 AM
#tips
11/20/09
11/20/09
I don't hate Bell de Jour, but she does make me roll my eyes. She is selling a very happy go lucky, hyper sexualized, john friendly view of sex work. It feels very calculated. It is impressive that she has managed to spin a year of part-time sex work into three books, but she is selling what people want to read.
11/20/09
11/20/09
I don't think her writing says much, if anything about the sex industry. She basically writes sexy beach reads, which is fine but shouldn't be treated as anything else.
11/20/09
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11/20/09
Admittedly, role playing this with someone I'm in a relationship has always been a curiosity and is probably less likely to disappoint me or get me arrested. :)
*Not dirty in a physiological way, but, well, a sex for money way. Naughty is probably a better word.
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
I don't feel that it IS negative. But look at some of the comments in this thread. "Guys who can't get girlfriends pay for sex." "I bet these pieces of shit can't get women on their own."
There's a stigma attached to it and that stigma, that of doing something that *others* find questionable is much of the appeal.
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
Also, I never stated I didn't have a fetish or two. I just said that my interest in paying for sex isn't about having a fetish that someone else refuses share with me.
Also, also, I feel like there's a feeling of expertness that comes along with prostitution. That likely, if it's someone's profession, they're particularly good at it. Do they know something I don't know? Do they possess tricks that I've been ignorant about for years and years? I've always been attracted to women with more sexual experience than I have and that's a significant part of this as well.
11/20/09
11/20/09
Many users post something personal about themselves on a given topic. That's all my intent was, I'm sorry if it was particularly irritating or off-putting.
11/20/09
I don't see anything wrong with his response, morally.
Subverting normal power roles is a large part of human sexuality- it's only abhorrent to me if a man acts that way in real life. Dominatrixes don't go around beating people in the grocery checkout line, so if a man wants to pay a sex worker because it feels transgressive, it's none of my business unless he also offers his female money for sexual favors because that feels transgressive, too.
This is all unrelated to the myriad other issues about prostitution (who's forced into it, who's able to leave it, how they're being treated while they're in it), but I don't feel Jeremy's said anything horrible here. The question was why might some men be interested in purchasing the services of a sex worker, and he answered from his personal perspective.
11/20/09
11/20/09
With that being said, I think chances of it being a good experience for the prostitute go up significantly if she is educated and "high end." There is a greater chance that she has other options and that prostitution is actually a choice for her.
Just don't act like visiting prostitutes is some harmless fetish, or a "victimless" crime, because I really, really don't think it is.
Not all people in sex work are victims, but as a John, you can never be sure if you are, in fact, a victimizer.
11/20/09
11/21/09
I appreciate that 'Belle's' account of being a sex worker is one that is appealing to many as at reinforces the fantasy element of the sex trade, but it not a realistic account, it is a marketing tool.
11/21/09
11/21/09
I know that the sex trade is dehumanising, but if we're talking about a woman who didn't find it that way, why is it wrong to talk about a man who also enjoys it?
11/21/09
11/21/09
11/20/09
Apparently that's incorrect. You pay prostitutes to agree to sleep with your sorry, rich, self-loathing ass so you can avoid feeling the sting of rejection. Go figure!
11/20/09
I find this quote confusing.
11/20/09
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11/20/09
Wow. Interesting take.
11/20/09
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11/20/09
I just literally gasped "no!" in Starbucks.
I can't believe it.
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11/19/09
I paid my way through my degree escorting, and therefore find it extremely difficult to be objective on this subject as I have zero respect for the men who use these services after dealing with them. Give women all the choice in the world to do sex work, but if you don't do something about the men, they'll never completely be in control.
Ironically I was never raped until after I stopped escorting, but it fucked with my emotions in a million other ways that I would never have expected when I started. I thought I was tough as old boots and could handle it. Due to ill health I couldn't really do any other job with extremely long hours to make up the shortfall in my income, but I would have preferred even strip club work as I found escorting desperately lonely as much as anything else.
The money helped me immensely, but in the long term, I think being in debt would have been better for me. I just don't think anyone should leap into sex work of any kind without thinking it through very careful about how it will affect them now in the future (assuming they have the choice in entering sex work).
I've been honest about my past and it has bitten me hard on the arse. I'm not sure I regret the escorting, but I definitely regret telling anyone about it (which is why I'm posting on the internet about it. Ehem...)
11/19/09
11/19/09
11/19/09
Also, as always, who the hell do these people think these women are servicing? Aliens? Foreigners? Johns are your fathers, brothers, sons and spouses (ideally future ones). Won't somebody please think of the male children and their self-respect? It's one thing to get paid for having sex, but to stoop so low as to pay someone for it? How degrading! You're out your virtue and a few quid.
11/19/09
And I'm referring to ordinary, "respectable" men (fathers, brothers, sons and spouses) - not creepy guys who scare off women.
11/19/09
11/19/09
In my experience, they're usually over 50 years old, married at least 15 years, have kids and no longer sleeping with their SO (for numerous reasons). They don't frequent bars or clubs or sleep around at work and are not the type to score with women in a public place like a grocery store.
However, they still want sex, so they see hiring an escort as their only option. Of course, there are those who do it for sport or to indulge in a fetish - but that's a whole other ball game.
It's easy for us to look at these men and say "Why don't you work it out with your wife or divorce her?", but the reality of their situation is oftentimes more complicated than that. Or at least, that's the way they see it.