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New York, 4:23 PM
Mon Nov 30
35 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny. Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
    03:31 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    "You marry your best friend, but intimacy is what makes a marriage work."

    Intimacy is NOT JUST SEXUAL. My husband and I are extremely touchy (privately) but don't have sex very often. I think sex just falls away a little bit after 8+ years.
     Reply
    Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny. was starred Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny. was unstarred
    Image of lisas lisas
    02:34 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    In my experience, it is also necessary to think about the ways in which straight women's sexuality has been hijacked and packaged as a marketing tool. I have found that in my attempts to throw off my programming I run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
     Reply
    lisas was starred lisas was unstarred
    Image of clevernamehere clevernamehere
    02:15 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    I don't think talking about sex is necessarily the same thing as being comfortable and sex positive.

    I've run across people who seem to use talking about sex as a way to seem interesting/sexy rather than a way to communicate about sex.

    There is a difference between bragging about your sex life and being comfortable enough to bring up your desires/problems.
     Reply
    clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred
    Image of Le Kangourou de Kataroo Le Kangourou de Kataroo
    02:09 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    My new roomie was completely taken aback by openly I joked with my boyf and his friends about me and the boyf's sex live, but it does destigmatize it to just TALK about it. And then when she started dating the boyf's bff, she understood why we're so open about it - it doesn't turn into a big THING if you don't let it.
     Reply
    Le Kangourou de Kataroo was starred Le Kangourou de Kataroo was unstarred
    Image of Rare Affinity Rare Affinity
    01:43 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    When I posted what I considered to be an amusing true story about a sexually explicit encounter on my blog, several people were scandalised; some because they did not consider it acceptable to openly discuss such matters; others because it was odds with their rather staid image of me. What all shared in common was a desire to read the unexpurgated segments (now removed by me) even though I had gone out of my way to protect their delicate sensibilities with a pop-up (no pun intended) warning them of adult content. So it is reassuring to hear that these fellow Brits can openly write erotic tales for one another without provoking condemnation.
     Reply
    Rare Affinity was starred Rare Affinity was unstarred
    Image of Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
    01:40 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    Without going into details, I can't relate to this at all. Is it a generational thing?
     Reply
    Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) was starred Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) was unstarred
    Image of LaFemme LaFemme
    01:47 PM

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I was just going to ask this same question. I think it is, at least in part.
     Reply
    Edited by LaFemme at 11/30/09 1:48 PM LaFemme was starred LaFemme was unstarred
    Image of Rare Affinity Rare Affinity
    01:57 PM

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I know a couple in their 20s were shocked at my sexually explicit story so I am not sure if it is just a generational thing. There must be a lot of young people who find it difficult to openly discuss their sexuality with others, judging by the levels of unplanned teenage pregnancies and rates of STIs.
     Reply
    Rare Affinity was starred Rare Affinity was unstarred
    Image of clevernamehere clevernamehere
    02:33 PM

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I think there are some generational divides, but I've also found that people who are uncomfortable with their sexuality talk are the most likely to brag about how they had sex in a men's room or tell you how big their boyfriend's dick. It is hard to know how sexually comfortable how someone is, but I think how much they talk about sex isn't a very good indicator.
     Reply
    clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred
    Image of clevernamehere clevernamehere
    01:38 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    Society is really uncomfortable with female sexuality.

    It isn't so much the laughing at Twilight (they are pretty funny), it is the endless comments about whether or not grown women should find a shirtless Taylor Lautner sexy. Some of the attention does go to far, but I can't remember anyone caring much that grown men found Britney Spears sexy back in 1999. Women are supposed to be better than that (Granted, I was a teenager in 1999, but I don't think I missed a big backlash.)

    Another side of that is porn. I don't have a problem with porn. Almost any material men and women use as a masturbatory aid is fine with me. But I'm really bothered by the common sentiment that porn = sex. It doesn't. By and large it is focused towards male desires, which is fine by no more accurate than a bodice ripping romance novel. In my limited porn/romance novel experience, oral sex is usually geared towards the audience. Men don't go down a lot in porn, women don't go down a lot in romance novels. That's fine, they are fantasies geared towards different audiences, but only one is laughed at.
     Reply
    clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred
    Image of Zombie Ms. Skittles Zombie Ms. Skittles
    01:41 PM

    @clevernamehere: Exactly. I wish I could hug every woman who's embarrassed by her desires and tell her that she should NEVER have to apologize for finding something sexy.
     Reply
    Zombie Ms. Skittles was starred Zombie Ms. Skittles was unstarred
    Image of BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
    01:37 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    This is so interesting. I am writing a funny romance novel, and I have found myself loosening up about all things sexual since doing so. Not that I considered myself so repressed before or anything, but I am different. Sometimes when I beat myself up for not having started writing earlier, I remember that I think my age has a lot to do with opening up. The older I get, the more I own myself and my sexuality, and I think that informs my ability to write sexy. Plus, I care less and less with others think the older I get, so I'm embarrassed less. And... I'm just rambling now.
     Reply
    BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was starred BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was unstarred
    Image of Rare Affinity Rare Affinity
    01:51 PM

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): I have to agree with you about the age factor. I have done and written things I would not have had the nerve to say or do at a much younger age. Mary Wesley, one of Britain's most successful novelist was first published at the grand old age of 71, so I am guessing you have something of a head start on her.
     Reply
    Rare Affinity was starred Rare Affinity was unstarred
    Image of PilgrimSoul PilgrimSoul
    01:33 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    I don't have a problem with de-stigmatizing women's sexuality. But I do wonder the extent to which, after centuries of patriarchy, we may be presumed to have access to it.
     Reply
    PilgrimSoul was starred PilgrimSoul was unstarred
    Image of Pleasure Pleasure
    02:00 PM

    @PilgrimSoul: Can you elaborate? Do you mean that it's hard to separate one's own sexuality from all the outside messages?
     Reply
    PilgrimSoul promoted this comment Pleasure was starred Pleasure was unstarred
    Image of PilgrimSoul PilgrimSoul
    02:07 PM

    @Pleasure: Yes, that precisely.
     Reply
    PilgrimSoul was starred PilgrimSoul was unstarred
    Image of Zombie Ms. Skittles Zombie Ms. Skittles
    01:31 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    Dudes, pornographic fanfic definitely works well on the ol' libido. Trufax.
     Reply
    Zombie Ms. Skittles was starred Zombie Ms. Skittles was unstarred
    Image of spamanda spamanda
    01:41 PM

    @Zombie Ms. Skittles: I love reading erotica. There's some fantastic stuff out there, usually short story collections. I'm always buying it, then hiding it so my parents don't see it when they come over.
     Reply
    spamanda was starred spamanda was unstarred
    Image of LuvEwan LuvEwan
    01:50 PM

    @Zombie Ms. Skittles: Hallelujah and amen.
     Reply
    LuvEwan was starred LuvEwan was unstarred
    Image of mbprice mbprice
    01:26 PM

    In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
    LibiHAHAHAHAHA.

    No.
     Reply
    mbprice was starred mbprice was unstarred
    Image of Lakehurst Lakehurst
    11/27/09

    In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
    I'm a porn actress and I'd like to comment.

    Sasha Grey bores me but I do think she is smart and has that special something that people want to see in porn. She deserves the fame she is receiving. With that fame comes a lot of influence and I do think she is coached. In fact I'm sure of it and I give her credit for taking advice. She did a big movie, of course she had a bunch of older wiser people telling her how to answer difficult questions.

    I hear this time and time again and from the horses mouth I want to emphasize that porn is a fantasy. We go to a set, get tons of unnecessary makeup, withstand long waits, sweat under hot lights, deal with annoying photographers and sometimes costars, to perform something that we may or may not enjoy.

    Its a job. My costars have not expressed to me wanting to be violent off camera. Most just like to fuck. They want to please the woman as much as they want to be pleased. I would say about 1% of my fans have violent fantasies that they want to realize. I never encourage them.

    Bravo for all you toting BDSM. I play a Dom on video sometimes and while it's not my thing off-camera, my fans love it. I tend to giggle when in a corset holding a whip.

    Porn gets such a bad rap because the violence is perpetuated in the media. I say get over it. It's not all about violence. And while I do agree that porn is made for men, women also enjoy it. If that's what gets your partner off and its ok with you why not try to enjoy it too.

    Do I think porn promotes violence and degrading of women? Not so much anymore. While I do think there is a fraction of people who see a violent porn and want to act on it, that fraction is much smaller than the amount of people who watch it for fantasy sake. People watch it to get off. Shit! I watch it to get off! It's fast and I don't have time.

    Most sane people have bizarre sexual fantasies and don't want to tell or even act on them (for example, rape porn, drunk porn, sleeping chick porn). It's normal, very normal, even rape porn. Most important, it's private. And if you have a problem with rape porn blame the media and Hollywood for making that a popular fantasy.

    I started porn when I was 32, I'm 36 now. I don't think I could have handled doing porn at 18 or 21. But if Sasha Grey can then good for her. Her opinions don't really matter to me. I've heard all the arguments and opinions I can stand.

    Again, the influence it has on people? I am more disturbed by the commercials with the drunk dorks who rent puppies to get hot chick attention. It seems that the idea of lying to a girl to get her ass is still ok. But porn is not?

    An aside, I'd like to outlaw the word poly-amorous.
     Reply
    allyzay approved this comment Lakehurst was starred Lakehurst was unstarred
    Image of voteforme voteforme
    11/27/09

    In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
    There's a lot resting on Sasha's continued presentation as the "smartest girl in porn." She's doing a lot to perpetuate the status quo.
     Reply
    allyzay promoted this comment voteforme was starred voteforme was unstarred
    Image of goodcheapfun goodcheapfun
    11/26/09

    In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
    I don't disagree with her appraisal of how the spouses of adulterous politicians deal with their husband's infidelity (often they do know). Her point is to normalize what is hidden and considered shameful. I can't disagree with that.
     Reply
    LilyBonesBurana promoted this comment goodcheapfun was starred goodcheapfun was unstarred
    Image of LilyBonesBurana LilyBonesBurana
    11/26/09

    @goodcheapfun: How do you know they know, which implies endorsing or at least tolerating the behavior? Cite, please.
     Reply
    LilyBonesBurana was starred LilyBonesBurana was unstarred
    Image of hannelore hannelore
    11/26/09

    @LilyBonesBurana: We don't know they know. But, to me, Sasha's comments fall within a critique of marriage as an institution where both parties sign on with certain expectations, and those expectations may have little to do with a romantic love ideal. In a heteronormative, patriarchal paradigm, a man needs a wife to bear and raise his children, care for their home, and, in modern contexts, accompany him to company/campaign dinners and the like. In that same paradigm, a woman needs a man to provide her with children and feed, clothe and house the family. She needs to be part of a couple to be a functioning member of society (same vice versa for the man).
    I am describing the patriarchal paradigm here, NOT how I believe things should be.

    Now, the parameters of marriage contract as they are given on a wedding day (pledging fidelity, to forsake all others 'till death do us part, etc.) do not include having "someone on the side." The letter of the law doesn't allow for it, but I think in many cases the unwritten rules of a relationship do.

    Sasha didn't say ALL women in these situations have a don't ask-don't tell arrangement with their husbands. The people who live their lives within this paradigm are both men and women and, depending on your views on free will and personal choice (that is, how much we as humans actually have), they to some extent or another chose it.

    In the passage from the interview quoted, I see her remarks as critiquing patriarchy, not victim-blaming political wives.
     Reply
    LilyBonesBurana promoted this comment hannelore was starred hannelore was unstarred
    Image of LilyBonesBurana LilyBonesBurana
    11/27/09

    @hannelore: I wasn't arguing against Gray's critique.

    I was simply asking for a cite on the poster's (often they do know) portion of "I don't disagree with her appraisal of how the spouses of adulterous politicians deal with their husband's infidelity (often they do know)"
     Reply
    LilyBonesBurana was starred LilyBonesBurana was unstarred
    Image of hannelore hannelore
    11:39 AM

    @LilyBonesBurana: Gotcha. Though are such citations even available? Isn't this all speculation and hypothesizing?
     Reply
    hannelore was starred hannelore was unstarred
    Image of lisas lisas
    11/26/09

    In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
    It's nice that so many women actually do get something out of porn, but don't fucking kid yourselves, ladies, porn isn't made for us. It's made using us. Any enjoyment we get out of it? Is incidental.
     Reply
    lisas was starred lisas was unstarred
    Image of LilSpitfire LilSpitfire
    11/26/09

    @lisas: You know, this is a really good point to make.

    We always see women like her talking up porn...but I'd like to hear what her co-workers have to say about the empowerment they get from choking, dick-slapping, and other semi-violent acts done to her during a shoot. The enjoyment they got from peeing and jizzing on a woman's face.

    Simply put...would we accept this if her male co-stars came out and said it empowered them and they felt it was sexy and ok to do this to a woman on camera?

    Flip the perspective and it starts to get kind of horrifying.
     Reply
    LilSpitfire was starred LilSpitfire was unstarred
    Image of Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense! Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense!
    11/27/09

    @lisas: Mainstream porn anyways, there are some very nice "by lesbians for lesbians" type companies out there. The one I'm thinking of at the moment's name escapes me, but they shoot porn which uses ACTUAL COUPLES, and just let them do their thing, so they like, love each other and are sweet to each other.
     Reply
    superconnected (is it time to leave?) promoted this comment Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense! was starred Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense! was unstarred
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