While many of America's classrooms remain criminally regressive when it comes to their sexual education policies, today Illinois has helped put a kibosh on some of that bullshit by stepping slightly into the 21st Century.

If you're watching a Lars von Trier film, you know you're in for some genitalia. The eccentric Danish director (he's afraid of flying and insists on driving from Denmark to France for the Cannes Film Festival, from which he is now banned for his 2011 Nazi gaffe) isn't just comfortable with displaying penises and…

Or does eating tiny vagina fruit (figs) really turn you into a sex goddess?

A sexy new study involving beautifully preserved corpses at an ancient Egyptian cemetery in the Dakhleh Oasis revealed some sexy insight into the sex lives of sex-crazed Egyptians: they enjoyed having procreative, penis + vagina = new person sex in July and August, when the temperatures in the Dakhelh Oasis can soar…

"I want a Stark in the streets and a wildling in the sheets" is the new "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Ugh, relationships, amirite!? All full of "other people" and "other people's bodies" and "other people's stuff touching your body." It's a recipe for Problem City: The Food.* For instance, don't you hate it when somebody finds your vagina repulsive, yet keeps putting his penis in it over and over? I certainly do. MORE ON…

A Michigan school district won't let two pregnant students show their baby bumps in the high school yearbook because it would promote teen pregnancy and thereby contradict the state's abstinence-only sex ed approach. We can't make this shit up.

What's your image of a devoutly Muslim woman? Pious and shy? Virginal and unwilling to experiment? Well, if this devoutly Muslim woman is married, you're probably wrong.

Does your underwear just lie there, passive, doing almost nothing for you? Maybe you need a Bracli pearl thong. Unlike your vanilla cotton panties, this thing has a job, and that job is to rub you the right way.

Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her.