Colombian Prostitutes More Addictive Than Colombian Cocaine for U.S.…

Cocaine is so 80's. If you're a US government official, there's a new habit-forming hotness to emerge from the country of Colombia: prostitutes. At least, that's what's to be believed in light of the latest report that Drug Enforcement Administration officials habitually made Colombian poontang pit stops while… » 5/22/12 12:30pm 5/22/12 12:30pm

Colombian Prostitute From the Secret Service Scandal Calls the Agents…

Dania Londono Suarez, one of the prostitutes who was involved with the Secret Service agents during their now infamous trip to Cartagena, has come forward to tell her side of the story to the media. The scandal that resulted in nine agents being fired—and worse, being called "knuckleheads" by President Obama—was… » 5/06/12 9:50pm 5/06/12 9:50pm

Secret Service Agent Runs Down a Grandmother in Brooklyn

It seems like just yesterday the Secret Service was pretty much unanimously associated with saving the day, but now the agency is finding that when it rains bad news, it pours. First came the prostitution scandal in Colombia, perhaps the first-ever challenge to our general idea that Secret Service members are totally… » 5/04/12 12:05pm 5/04/12 12:05pm

State Department Kids Treated to Educational Lecture About Hookers

The Secret Service's failure to be serviced in secret is now the hottest topic in DC area elementary schools after yesterday's ill-advised Take Your Child to Work Day at the US State Department. The State Department just so happens to be investigating a certain Secret Service for having certain sex with certain… » 4/27/12 4:20pm 4/27/12 4:20pm

Secret Service Fires Three More Agents as Obama Calls Them…

The Secret Service announced tonight that it has fired three more of the agents involved in the now infamous prostitution scandal. Two of the agents are technically resigning, but a third is appealing his removal—boy, that takes some serious bravado. Two other agents have been cleared of wrongdoing, but will… » 4/24/12 9:15pm 4/24/12 9:15pm

Spirit Airlines Pulls Horribly Offensive Colombian Hookers Parody Ad

You'd think after Spirit Airlines' past year — snagging a spot in Consumerist's ‘Worst Company in America' bracket, receiving widespread criticism for majorly failing to respond to an alleged sexual assault complaint, etc — the company might have wanted to, shall we say, "fly" under the radar for awhile. Apparently… » 4/23/12 7:30pm 4/23/12 7:30pm

Paula Reid Was Just the Woman to Weed the Secret Service’s Sex Garden

When the call came in that a prostitute had created a disturbance in a Cartagena hotel after a Secret Service agent refused to pay her, Paula Reid, recently promoted to the head of the Miami office and in Colombia preparing for the Presiden't arrival, had to deal with what would quickly become one of the Secret… » 4/22/12 4:00pm 4/22/12 4:00pm

Prostitute-Sexing Secret Service Agent Publicly Perved on Sarah Palin

One of the supervising Secret Service agents who resigned under pressure after partaking of prostitutes during a trip to Colombia has been identified. And, predictably, the sort of guy who would cheat on his wife with a Colombian hooker is exactly the sort of guy who would post photos of himself checking out Sarah… » 4/20/12 5:20pm 4/20/12 5:20pm

The Secret Service Prostitution Scandal Is Looking Pretty Bad

The widening Secret Service prostitution scandal, which former Washington Post reporter and author of a whole fancy Secret Service book Ronald Kessler called yesterday "the biggest scandal in Secret Service history," is quickly becoming a lesson in how not kick off a weekend of international diplomacy. It's also… » 4/15/12 11:30am 4/15/12 11:30am

Santorum Reaches New Low, Calls Obama a Bad Dad for Letting Malia…

It's usually Mitt Romney that gets compared to a robot, but it's beginning to seem highly likely that Rick Santorum is actually the one that was created in a lab. Perhaps he was designed by evil scientists (from the future!) specifically to say the most annoying possible thing in any given situation—like those… » 3/20/12 11:15pm 3/20/12 11:15pm

Santorum & Romney Choose Totally Penis-y Secret Service Names

Republican Presidential hopefuls Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney have reached a critical point in the election season. A do or die moment. They've both made an intractable decision that will impact their legacies forever: they've picked their Secret Service code names. And both of them are delightfully, obliviously… » 3/20/12 4:00pm 3/20/12 4:00pm

Sen. Scott Brown Makes Ridiculous Condom Joke About Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum must be having a major sad tonight. His biggest problem is that he just lost the Puerto Rico primary to Mitt Romney, but what's maybe even worse for Santorum's sizeable yet delicate ego is that his fellow Republicans have now started throwing playground-style jokes his way, as evidenced by this major… » 3/18/12 8:00pm 3/18/12 8:00pm

Herman Cain Is First Candidate To Receive Secret Service Protection

The Secret Service will now be protecting Herman Cain in response to a request from his campaign. Usually agents are assigned to major candidates about four months before the election, but exceptions are made when candidates start receiving threats. Of course, the Secret Service won't comment on what kind of danger… » 11/18/11 11:20am 11/18/11 11:20am