Michele Bachmann's leaving Congress (and, fingers crossed, the planet — we hear Pluto's Senate is too ethical). Sarah Palin still inspires reality TV shows and biopics but not much more. Thus, NBC wonders how the GOP will solve its lady voter problem if these bastions of feminism can't lead the way. Dumb question,…

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner might not have been for everyone, but it certainly featured some creepy photoshopping and at least one soul-snatching image of a cerulean-eyed Furby, which, if you gaze at for too long, will hypnotize you into becoming its eternal battery-gathering servant.

Sarah Palin has released an ad to encourage people to become involved in her political action committee the SarahPAC and — oh, boy — is it ever Sarah Palin-y. Not only is it called "Loaded for Bear," but it also rambles on and on, sort of talking about the dangers of politicians and the Big Bad Media all while, as the …

It doesn't matter that it's not an election year, and it also doesn't matter that Sarah Palin is more irrelevant than ever — this impression will never get old. NEVER EVER. Plus, Sartina Feylin (eh??) v. Lipton? COME ON! Life is good.

Looks like Christmas has come early! Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and VP candidate, is working on a new book about the December Christian holiday and the Godless pagans who keep trying to destroy it. (Hiiiiiii!)

Earlier this morning, the Washington Post reported that hometown sweetheart/pitbull with lipstick Sarah Palin had, in an uncharacteristic move, signed a deal to be a correspondent on Al Jazeera America. The article even came with a quote from Palin herself:

Well, Sarah Palin's three-year contract as a contributor at Fox News is finally up, and, strangely enough, they've decided not to re-up. Palin is out. I honestly have no idea why—is it their stringent adherence to journalistic ethics? Their disdain for self-aggrandizing liars? Their reluctance to heap airtime upon…

So, it's 2012, and we're letting ladies be in charge of stuff now (I mean, some stuff, in some places). We've got the vote, we're allowed to have jobs that aren't strictly mop-related, and we sometimes even get elected to political office, so you know what that means—time to CANCEL FEMINISM! Just kidding, obviously.…

Hopeful that a foray into 1984 fashion would bring about a 1984-style President with Reaganesque hair, Sarah Palin, expert clause attacher, appeared on Fox News last night to appear very worried and upset, and let America know that we're living in a "perplexing time." That makes one of us, Sarah.

Sarah Palin's creatively named "Sarah PAC" has spent $774,000 in the third quarter of this year and taken in more than $800,000, ostensibly from an invisible class people that have tons of disposable income and somehow lack any goddamn sense. So what's the former Governor of Alaska cum professional shouting machine doing …