One of the mysteries of the internet is that people really enjoy reading and sharing “heartwarming” content about horribly sad things, a genre previously shorthanded as grief porn. The latest entry is a part-time Santa in Tennessee, who claimed to a local newspaper columnist that a very sick little boy recently died…

Earlier this week, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune ran a nice story about the Mall of America’s first black Santa. Larry Jefferson is a retired U.S. Army veteran from Texas, and his hope, along with the mall’s, was that he would serve as a “Santa for everyone.”

I'm going to start with the story of how I learned that Santa didn't exist. It's not a happy story, as these types of stories generally aren't, but I'm laughing about it now. And I hope that the people whose stories were compiled into a list of painful revelations on Buzzfeed are laughing too. Or at least have a good…

Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it's any other day—it might not feel like December 25, it might even feel like, say, August 27—you go to work, you eat your sandwich, you shoulder life's banality with the resignation of a much older woman, and then...someone sends you a link. You…

I'm pretty sure that the only thing on this earth that I love more than the best-friendship of Sirs Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen is their GODDAMN BOWLER HATS. Clearly the pair has gotten wise to the public's love, because they keep feeding us amazing pics of themselves wining and dining and kicking it and…

Remember last week when Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly insisted that Santa Claus was white? Well, it turns out that we should have been laughing this entire time because her comments were actually just a very well-constructed, not at all flawed and totally hilarious joke. Way to miss the punchline, IDIOTS.

I know this is a cheesy marketing move meant to capitalize on my uterus (where I store my emotions! and candy! and seven remaining eggs!), but I DON'T CARE I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Ho ho ho, you're an idiot.

There's a school in Michigan where Santas learn makeup application, reindeer maintenance, and how to keep elves from unionizing. What's more, these Kris Kringles come from all over the world — and many of them have attended the school multiple times. That's what Santa-style dedication looks like, muggles.

I don't watch The Biggest Loser, because I am not entertained by inhumane misery factories that systematically force-feed fat people humiliation in the name of medically questionable body conformity and advertising megabucks. Just not my particular cup of power cleanse tea, per se. But apparently there was a dude on a…

In what we can only imagine was cosplay of Dan Aykroyd's break down in Trading Places, a 24-year-old Canadian man was arrested for being super drunk and screaming at kids about how Santa's a fraud. Probably the most pertinent part is the being drunk and on parole, but still. Best part, it all went down during a…

We've all wondered how exactly Santa Claus manages to deliver toys to millions of children around the world in just a single night. His journey clearly defies all logic, and yet each year otherwise rational adults go to great lengths to preserve the image of Santa Claus as a chimney-diving hero for the younger folks…

While installing central heating in his Dublin, Ireland home, John Byrne found a letter to Santa Claus written in 1911 by two children, 10-year-old Hannah Howard and her 7-year-old brother Fred. The children placed the letter on a shelf inside their fireplace, and miraculously it remained there for decades and was…

NEW YORK, NY - DECEMBER 10: Revelers dressed as Santa Claus sing near Battery Park during the annual SantaCon event December 10, 2011 in New York City. SantaCon is a mass gathering of revelers dressed as Santa Claus who take to the streets in cities across the country before Christmas. (Photo by Allison Joyce/Getty…

BERLIN, GERMANY - NOVEMBER 26: Volunteer Santas attend their annual meeting at the Komoedie am Kurfuerstedamm theater on November 26, 2011 in Berlin, Germany. The event was organized by Studentenwerk Berlin, a student organization at the city's technical university (Technische Universitaet Berlin), that sends out…