Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure NASA Is Just 'Muslim Outreach' Now, Thanks Obama 

Earlier this week, wheezing reddened pile of bagpipes Rush Limbaugh objected to the news that there’s liquid water on Mars—it’s more like a “sneaky leftist agenda” on Mars to get people to care about climate change, he argued, for some reason. On Tuesday, he went ahead and brought Muslims into it, too. Why not. »9/30/15 7:00pm9/30/15 7:00pm


Water On Mars? More Like Sneaky 'Leftist Agenda,' Argues Rush Limbaugh

You may have heard the news today that NASA discovered flowing water on the surface of Mars. Fascinating discovery, right? Not according to conservative talk show host and delusional pork dumpling Rush Limbaugh. As far as he’s concerned, this announcement is but a mere portion of the larger “leftist agenda.” »9/28/15 9:15pm9/28/15 9:15pm

Rush Limbaugh Watched Street Harassment Video, Saw Men Being Polite

Rush Limbaugh spends many hours each day in a confined space, talking and talking and talking into a microphone, getting a mild buzz off the fumes of his own recycled cigar smoke and stale farts. So it's not surprising, we guess, that after all these years his schtick has become not just crude and dumb, but also… »10/30/14 3:45pm10/30/14 3:45pm

Rush Limbaugh Thinks Obama's Trying to Punish White People with Ebola

Today in great theories from reasonable people who always arrive with at level-headed conclusions: Rush Limbaugh believes that the Obama administration is refusing to close U.S. borders to countries suffering from the Ebola epidemic because he wants us all to get sick as a punishment for slavery. Sounds like a solid… »10/06/14 6:20pm10/06/14 6:20pm

Rush Limbaugh Has Written a Terrible Magic School Bus Rip-Off for Kids

Since Rush Limbaugh can do very little that is not worthy of immediate and unstinting public ridicule, he has gone ahead and written a children’s book about a suspiciously-named protagonist, a substitute teacher named “Rush Revere” who kidnaps some students in a time machine so he can teach them about the… »9/05/13 9:10pm9/05/13 9:10pm

Rush Limbaugh: 'The Oprah' Was Snubbed Cuz She's Too Fat To Look Rich

This is one of those "BREAKING: Water Is Wet" items, but your seventh grade BFF Rush Limbaugh who moved to, like, Brussels or something when his dad got a weird job, crawled out from under a local bridge to voice his important opinions on Oprah's recent encounter with racism (and just plain retail rudeness) at an… »8/10/13 2:30pm8/10/13 2:30pm

New Dumb Theory: Huma Stays With Anthony Weiner Because Islam

There sure have been a lot of newly minted Islam experts popping up in the past week — and in the places you'd least expect them. Fox News, the woman at the New York Times whose classical Greek references have devolved from incisive to dodderingly inscrutable, and several typically myopic conservative news outlets… »7/29/13 3:10pm7/29/13 3:10pm

Rush Limbaugh Offers His Huma Abedin Theory, and It’s Pretty Awful

We have a new contender for the ignominious title “Worst Perspective on Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner’s Marriage,” and of course, of course, OF COURSE this contender’s name is Rush Limbaugh, an outrage glutton who’s perhaps most famous for doing all of his radio broadcasts through his anus into a gold-plated phallus.… »7/28/13 1:30pm7/28/13 1:30pm

Fat Substance Abuser Rush Limbaugh Calls Lesbians Fat Substance Abusers

Third Rate Sad Wang Rush Limbaugh took it to the next bullshit level when he spoke some truly insane nonsense about lesbians and alcohol and fatness and yeah. Actually, it sounds like he's explaining a personal fantasy of his, but nope — it's just some good old-fashioned hate-mongering from King Bigot. »3/27/13 10:00am3/27/13 10:00am

Ryan Gosling 'Taking a Break from Acting' to Spend More Time Tousling the Hair of Orphans

He's just going to be, you know, hanging out at the mall reuniting lost kids with their parents and then giving them a turtle. Or making flaxen wigs for cancer patients out of his own 5 o'clock shadow. Or telling your uterus that it's beautiful exactly when you need it the most. Or just, generally, taking a nothing… »3/20/13 8:00pm3/20/13 8:00pm

Obama Campaign's Female Spokesperson Making Conservatives Basically Rip Their Faces Off in Rage

Stephanie Cutter is one of the Obama campaign's more visible faces this election cycle. Her calm, slightly exasperated/smug countenance occasionally shows up on the teevee to refute conservative SuperPAC email forwards that feature Barack Obama photoshopped into the background of natural disasters (Sample Cutter:… »10/23/12 5:00pm10/23/12 5:00pm

Gentleman Ironist Rush Limbaugh Asks His Female Audience What It's Like to be Lied to by the Media

Performance artist and professional hate-baby Rush Limbaugh wants women to rush, rush to the phone lines to let him know what it's like to be condescended to. Of course, he notoriously only takes about six heavily-screened calls per three-hour show so the odds of a woman getting through who might be able to explain… »10/18/12 8:45pm10/18/12 8:45pm