American Duke Charlie Sheen Is Engaged (Again)

The Sheen men— Martin, Charlie and Emilio — are a prime example of American celebrity nobility, so, to mock the absurd way actual nobles and royals are still celebrated in certain frivolous, Grinch-shaped (concentrate on the bottom and imagine a Santa cap) islands around the world, we ought to spend this Sunday… » 2/16/14 11:30am 2/16/14 11:30am

French Media Convinced Beyoncé and President Obama Are Having Affair…

Today in WHAT?????!!!!, a French photographer named Pascal Rostain claims that the President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, is embroiled in a love affair with internationally famous pop star Beyoncé. Oh, and we're going to read about it in the Washington Post tomorrow. » 2/10/14 10:40am 2/10/14 10:40am

Justin Bieber's Totally Not Retiring, Say Justin Bieber's Party People

Sure, Justin Bieber said he's retiring, but how much can we really trust Justin Bieber? He drives around in a customized Batmobile and abandons pet monkeys in German airports. I'll bet he told that monkey, "Hang out here, bro. I'll be right back. Here's a hundo for the duty-free." That monkey is probably still smoking… » 12/29/13 11:30am 12/29/13 11:30am

Justin Bieber: Internet's Best Troll, or Batman's New Robin?

I'll be honest: sometime around the monkey-abandoning incident in Germany, I hopped aboard the Justin Bieber hatemobile, which is basically just an overloaded jalopy driven by a foul-tempered orangutan named #1JoostinHatrr (apes can't spell). I was convinced we were watching the very public entropy of a too-successful… » 9/14/13 11:15am 9/14/13 11:15am

Shemane Nugent Arrested for Bringing Blunderbuss to Airport Security

Today in IRONY: The Magazine Dedicated to Anecdotal Instances of Celebrities Getting Hoisted by Their Own Petards & Other Comical Juxtapositionings, Ted Nugent's gun-enthused spouse Shemane Nugent was detained Friday at a Dallas-area airport for trying to go through a security checkpoint with a loaded gun. Public… » 9/01/13 11:30am 9/01/13 11:30am

Jennifer Lopez Will Once Again Crush Dreams on American Idol

American Idol could hardly have face its 13th and therefore unluckiest season ever without the judicial services of Jennifer Lopez, who is, according to several super-excited reports, about to ink a deal that would have her return to the judge’s chair and, in a fair yet firm voice, crush people’s dreams of stardom. » 8/04/13 4:00pm 8/04/13 4:00pm

Amanda Bynes Had Nose Surgery and You Didn't Even Send Her Flowers

You totally forgot to send Amanda Bynes those get-well-soon flowers you'd been planning to send her the day of her penultimate nose surgery (just one more to go!), didn't you? Well, that day was yesterday, and now you'll have to wait who knows how long before you can express your well wishes to Amanda with a tasteful… » 6/23/13 11:30am 6/23/13 11:30am

Anna Kendrick and Meryl Streep May Star in the Into the Woods Movie

So, Rob Marshall (the guy who gave us the Chicago movie and the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean) is adapting the creepfest Broadway musical Into the Woods for the screen. Excited? Scared? Completely unmoved? Odds are, this movie will be a pretty big deal, if for no other reason than that every actor ever is in talks… » 6/22/13 5:00pm 6/22/13 5:00pm

We Might Be Getting Even More Bluth Family Antics, Says Netflix CEO

As part of Netflix’s insidious plan to put the poor television networks out of business, it plans to put an even greater emphasis on original (and semi-original) programming like House of Cards and Arrested Development (in these original programming press clips, nobody ever mentions that big pile of garbage called … » 6/02/13 3:30pm 6/02/13 3:30pm

Who Wants a Third Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone as a Porn Magnate?

In a movie-making era of pre-branded, built-in-audience features, the sequel, remake, and adaptation reign supreme. Why make a brand new movie with brand new characters when you can just recycle old characters? People are leery of strangers, and with good reason: strangers are totally unpredictable, a lesson most of… » 5/22/13 10:30pm 5/22/13 10:30pm

Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Poker Face Is Completely Inscrutable

Political Stratego champion Hillary Clinton is frustrating potential opponents in the 2016 presidential race by keeping her plans super secret. Is her "transition office" in a small corporate space on Connecticut Avenue in Washington D.C. the beehive of advance polling everyone thinks it is, or is it really just a… » 3/31/13 12:00pm 3/31/13 12:00pm

Freddie Mercury Once Disguised Princess Diana as a Dude and Snuck Her…

The latest (and possibly greatest) rumor to be circulated about the adventures of Princess Diana sounds like a scene from a Brian De Palma movie: on a sultry night in the culturally decadent late 80s, Freddie Mercury disguises Diana as a man and escorts her into a gay bar in south London for night that will one day… » 3/31/13 11:30am 3/31/13 11:30am

Now It All Makes Sense: ‘God Hates Fags’ Pastor Allegedly Had Gay…

Unfortunately for our sense of optimism that humanity has not yet reached the apex of its narrative parabola, we're all privy to the existence of Westboro Baptist Church leader (and possible lizard person) Fred Phelps. Among the many vile things we've learned about Phelps over his tenure as a hate-mongering demagogue… » 3/15/13 2:40pm 3/15/13 2:40pm