Imprison the Royal Family and Abolish the Monarchy

As the world waits with bated breath for the emergence of the latest—and cutest—member of the British Royal Family, allow us to put forth a gentle reminder: In a just world, this innocent child would be going up for adoption, since its family would have been imprisoned for crimes against humanity. » 7/22/13 5:50pm 7/22/13 5:50pm

Queen Elizabeth II Expected to Sign Charter to Support Rights for…

Tomorrow, Queen Elizabeth II and all her corgis are expected to sign the 21st Century Commonwealth Magna Carta, which declares: "We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour, creed, political belief or other grounds." Apparently "other grounds" refers to sexual… » 3/10/13 10:30pm 3/10/13 10:30pm

Here's That Half-Naked Prince Harry Mural You Probably Asked For

London's Manbar is popping off with regulars and tourists alike — all looking to catch a glimpse of a shirtless Prince Harry. Un/fortunately, it's not the flesh-and-blood ginger nobleman, but instead a portrait in giant mural form. It's really great and everyone loves it. Well, except probably not the Queen, but who… » 11/26/12 10:25am 11/26/12 10:25am

The Queen Royally Shames a Subject for Being Insufficiently Jubilant

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, right, talks to her son Prince Andrew, center, as she looks out from the balcony at the end of the Epsom Derby horse race, which began a four-day Diamond Jubilee celebration to mark the 60th anniversary of her accession to the throne, Saturday, June 2, 2012. (AP Photo/Sang Tan) » 6/03/12 12:30pm 6/03/12 12:30pm

British People to Change 'Big Ben' to 'Big Beth' in Honor of the Queen

In honor of Queen Elizabeth not dying for hella long (you know what was always weird about the queen? Was how she was an old lady but then there was this even older old lady who was her mom!), the people of England have decided to name a biiiiiiiiiiiig clock after her. For Q-Liz's Diamond Jubilee (60 years on the… » 3/23/12 7:40pm 3/23/12 7:40pm

Britain Allows Female Heirs To Be Meaningless Figureheads

Three hundred years of royal precedent has been overturned, as the 16 members of the British Commonwealth States have unanimously approved sweeping changes to the royal succession laws. Among the changes is a new rule that allows female heirs equal footing with male heirs who are in line for the British Throne. » 10/28/11 12:00pm 10/28/11 12:00pm

Dead Weirdo Was Stalking Queen of England This Whole Time

Robert James Moore was simple American with a simple dream — to love and cherish Queen Elizabeth as providence intended. And when Queen Elizabeth wasn't receptive to his amorous overtures, hundreds of "strange and offensive" packages containing tokens of his affection in the form of 600-page letters and obscene… » 10/03/11 6:00pm 10/03/11 6:00pm

Guy Wins Homecoming Queen Crown, Wears It Well

Francis Shervinski, a Columbia College freshman, has been elected homecoming queen. Says Shervinski, "I will take a stance on a lot of issues concerning gender, race, class, and sexuality. I don't plan to be passive at all. I'm willing to fight for who I am and hopefully be an inspiration to not only the LGBT community, … » 4/11/11 1:20pm 4/11/11 1:20pm

The Intimidatingly Sporty Life Of Rich And Royal Folks

The latest Vanity Fair has two articles in close proximity: one on Kate Middleton's family as social climbers, and another by a woman who dated JFK Junior for many years. The lesson I took away from these two pieces was simple: to be with royalty, American or otherwise, one must know how to play many sports. It looks… » 3/08/11 1:28pm 3/08/11 1:28pm

Queen Punishes Kate For Marrying Her Grandson With Series Of…

If Kate Middleton thought this was over, she best think again. Sure, the Queen nods politely when they all get together for a spot of earl grey, but if Kate thinks she can make it to the alter without having some coins pressed with an image of her looking like a toothless yokel (and Queen Elizabeth II's no doubt… » 3/05/11 11:30am 3/05/11 11:30am