Tina Knowles, 61, and Richard Lawson, 67, were married on a 140-ft. yacht in Newport Beach, California, during the same weekend as some little festival called Coachella.

Despite the fact that Beyoncé has seemingly had her Christmas tree up since Thanksgiving, Page Six reports that the Carters celebrated the holidays in Thailand basking away in a modest, $25,000-a-night, $35 million villa. Some might say that such accommodations are palatial—fit for a queen, if you will. (Stay with me.)

There's so much about this news that doesn't make sense but here you go: Fox will soon be airing the reality TV show I Wanna Marry "Harry", which stars 12 ordinary American women who thought that they actually had a chance of being in a consensual relationship with Prince Henry of Wales.

Helpful tip if you're planning to visit Buckingham Palace: Do not touch Queen Elizabeth's snack stash because she will end you.

HELP WANTED. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.

We'll admit it: When the announcement came through — it's a boy! — we were ever-so-slightly deflated. We thought it was going to be a girl, and frankly, the idea of a brand new princess seems more interesting.

The lady had taste, but it turns out anyone can buy her style. Or could buy her style — a handful of Princess Diana's most gorgeous gowns sold yesterday at a London auction for £800,000 pounds (or about $1.2 million). That's a lot of crushed velvet.

Tomorrow, Queen Elizabeth II and all her corgis are expected to sign the 21st Century Commonwealth Magna Carta, which declares: "We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour, creed, political belief or other grounds." Apparently "other grounds" refers to sexual…

London's Manbar is popping off with regulars and tourists alike — all looking to catch a glimpse of a shirtless Prince Harry. Un/fortunately, it's not the flesh-and-blood ginger nobleman, but instead a portrait in giant mural form. It's really great and everyone loves it. Well, except probably not the Queen, but who…

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, right, talks to her son Prince Andrew, center, as she looks out from the balcony at the end of the Epsom Derby horse race, which began a four-day Diamond Jubilee celebration to mark the 60th anniversary of her accession to the throne, Saturday, June 2, 2012. (AP Photo/Sang Tan)

In honor of Queen Elizabeth not dying for hella long (you know what was always weird about the queen? Was how she was an old lady but then there was this even older old lady who was her mom!), the people of England have decided to name a biiiiiiiiiiiig clock after her. For Q-Liz's Diamond Jubilee (60 years on the…

Three hundred years of royal precedent has been overturned, as the 16 members of the British Commonwealth States have unanimously approved sweeping changes to the royal succession laws. Among the changes is a new rule that allows female heirs equal footing with male heirs who are in line for the British Throne.

A new book written by a former servant of the British royal family reveals that the line to the throne is fraught with secrecy, painfully rigid decorum, and sort of adorable nuttiness. We should have been tipped off to this by their taste in hats.

Robert James Moore was simple American with a simple dream — to love and cherish Queen Elizabeth as providence intended. And when Queen Elizabeth wasn't receptive to his amorous overtures, hundreds of "strange and offensive" packages containing tokens of his affection in the form of 600-page letters and obscene…

Postdam, Germany, Aug 27: Georg Friedrich Ferdinand Prince of Prussia and Princess Sophie of Prussia smile during their ride in a historical carriage after the religious wedding ceremony in the Friedenskirche Potsdam. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)

Women care about the royalty and their lives more than men do. In Great Britain, for example:

Welcome to Wednesday's wrapup of the obligatory barrage of Royal Wedding news. Is any of it real news? No. But is there a lot of it? Oh, yes.

Francis Shervinski, a Columbia College freshman, has been elected homecoming queen. Says Shervinski, "I will take a stance on a lot of issues concerning gender, race, class, and sexuality. I don't plan to be passive at all. I'm willing to fight for who I am and hopefully be an inspiration to not only the LGBT…

With Wills off the market, certain delusional young ladies are re-ordering their lives yo pursue his brother. Cue crazy-eyes.