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Kate Middleton Gives Birth to a Daughter, Prince Will Was There Too 

Hark, a child is born! Kate Middleton gave birth to a daughter early this morning. According to the palace, the still unnamed princess was delivered at 8:43 a.m. As Kate labored (or, laboured) for the nation, Prince Will was present. A palace spokesperson confirmed that both Kate and her eight pound, three ounce… » 5/02/15 10:30am 5/02/15 10:30am

All the Crazy Royal Baby Rumors, Ranked 

Whenever the latest royal spawn emerges from the royal womb, one of my favorite news cycles will draw to a close. I don’t care about the breathless baby outfit reporting, or the high-end amenities at the Lindo wing. No, it’s the batshit crazy rumors and tabloid reports and scurrilous online nonsense that’ve made the… » 4/27/15 12:10pm 4/27/15 12:10pm

Kate Middleton Brutally Kills a Zillion Dumb Baby Weight Loss Articles

Ever since Kate Middleton gave birth to Baby King George this July, tabloid writers have been eagerly sharpening their cattiest claws in preparation for snarking on the Royal's post-baby body. Kate even rhymes with WEIGHT, you guys! And her last name contains the word "TON!" THIS WILL BE THE MEANEST POST-BABY… » 9/23/13 3:25pm 9/23/13 3:25pm

Baby King George's Nursery Will Be 'Africa Themed'

Proud new father Prince William told CNN that he and Kate Middleton's child — the Baby King of England — will spend his helpless infant days in a nursery decorated with the theme of "Africa." It's important to note here that when I say "Africa," I don't mean like all the terrible stuff that the British monarchy has… » 8/22/13 9:30am 8/22/13 9:30am

Celebrity Babies Make the Tabloid World Go 'Round

Once upon a time there were no celebrity tabloids, just people gossiping at the local watering hole, which was literally a hole in the ground with water in it. But then some brilliant person starting carving the likenesses of his friends and neighbors into stone, and the early celebrity weekly was born. It wouldn't… » 8/12/13 11:30am 8/12/13 11:30am

Kate Middleton's Occupation Listed as "Princess" on Birth Certificate

As of Friday, Britain's Prince George is no longer an undocumented drifter living off the grid, subsisting on secrets and shadows; he's a person with a birth certificate. For whatever reason, the birth certificate was not filled out very neatly, but what are you gonna do? Summer Fridays, everyone's in a hurry. (Here's… » 8/02/13 12:19pm 8/02/13 12:19pm

‘Royal Crier’ Who Announced Baby King's Birth Just a Freelance Weirdo

When that red-faced becostumed gentleman announced the birth of Prince William and Duchess Kate's baby boy by holding a scroll and yelling, I remember thinking, Is this the IRL Wee Willy Winkie? followed by Boy is the monarchy both charming and weird and outdated. Well, folks — I have to issue a thought retraction.… » 7/24/13 9:30pm 7/24/13 9:30pm

Enfants Terribles: Royal Births in History

On a sweltering summer day in Westminster, a royal prince comes bawling into the world. Crowds of city-dwellers gather outside the palace gates, jostling for a glimpse. Rumors and gossip spread. The Royal Family is being tight-lipped, and in the vacuum left by the absence of official information, the newspapers make… » 7/24/13 4:15pm 7/24/13 4:15pm

This Week in Tabloids: A Creepy Portrait of the Royal Baby as a Teen

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, we hit the newsstand and buy the latest issues of Ok!, In Touch, Life & Style, Us and Star. Today, Callie Beusman assists as we drink the sweet, nutritious juice supplied by the celebrity weeklies. This week, Serena van der Woodsen placed a hand upon her belly and… » 7/24/13 3:15pm 7/24/13 3:15pm