Sorry, Jerks: Forever 21 Pulls Ayn Rand Muscle Shirt From Online Store

Forever 21 is owned by a family of mental gymnasts who have found away to marry the "our purpose as humans is to give of ourselves to those in need in emulation of Christ" philosophy of Christianity with the "fuck you, pay me" ethos of conservatism. The fast fashion chain most recently advertised its top brass's… » 10/10/13 3:50pm 10/10/13 3:50pm

Newt Gingrich Bitten by Penguin Egged on by the Liberal Media

I'm just going to cut to the chase here: on Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. And just for fun, let's see that sentence again: On Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. Rumor has it, that penguin is now on Mitt… » 4/16/12 7:00pm 4/16/12 7:00pm

The Great Republican WTF-Bee Continues With Stupidest Debate Yet

Just in case you missed them, last night, the Republican candidates for President blazed onstage in Arizona, for another debate, an opportunity for conservatives to make assholes of themselves on national television. Mitt got hypocritical, Newt got condescendingly pedantic, Ron got overlooked, and Santorum got… » 2/23/12 11:25am 2/23/12 11:25am

Design Experts Weigh In on the 'Trite, Predictable' 2012 Campaign Logos

As the Republicans decide who will represent their party in the upcoming election and President Obama campaigns for a second term, the public is hearing a lot of speeches and political sound bites. But what about the campaign logos emblazoned on podiums, social media pages, and Web sites? What do the candidates'… » 2/07/12 7:15pm 2/07/12 7:15pm

Ron Paul Actually Thought Those Racist Newsletters Were OK, After All

Even though Ron Paul's racist newsletters were published with Ron Paul's name on them and written in the first person, and even though Ron Paul has been filmed discussing his newsletters (which were terribly racist, anti-Semitic, and weird) in an interview, the GOP Presidential hopeful has disavowed knowledge of the… » 1/27/12 5:40pm 1/27/12 5:40pm

GOP Candidates Vow to Force Pregnant Women to Have Babies

The campaign in South Carolina is heating up, says everyone. That's apparently code for "the candidates are gathered in the roughly same geographic area, and they're emitting high pitched shrieks at each other." Yesterday, they were shrieking about Bain Capital. Today, they're still hollering about Bain, but they're… » 1/12/12 4:10pm 1/12/12 4:10pm

Santorum & Romney Lead Iowa Caucuses In Virtual Tie

Unfortunately you're still going to need those nasty fecal froth jokes you cooked up. Rick Santorum finished first in the Iowa caucuses — by only five votes — following a sudden surge this week. With 99% of precincts reporting, Santorum and Mitt Romney both have 24.6% of the vote. Ron Paul was a close third at 21.5%,… » 1/04/12 12:52am 1/04/12 12:52am

How To Get Totally Famous By Trolling Republican Presidential Candidates

Watch out, kissing babies and candidates saying how madly in love they are with the troops— this election cycle, there's a new bit of daily drudgery in town— relentless trolling of candidates by non-supporters whose totally surprise questions for the candidates are captured on video. While many stunts have already… » 1/03/12 12:25pm 1/03/12 12:25pm

Michele Bachmann Thinks The Entire Internet Is Against Her

Yesterday was especially unkind to Michele Bachmann. First, news broke that her Iowa campaign director, Kent Sorenson, had defected to Camp Ron Paul. Then, she lost another top staff member, her political director Wes Enos, who resigned after he had the nerve to publicly defend Sorenson against charges that he'd… » 12/30/11 9:30am 12/30/11 9:30am

Kelly Clarkson Endorses Ron Paul For President, Accidentally Enrages…


For reasons which may never be fully understood, Kelly Clarkson took to her Facebook wall earlier today to express her love for Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul. She pledged her vote to him if he wins the nomination, though she lamented, "Too bad he probably won't." » 12/29/11 8:00pm 12/29/11 8:00pm

Oh, shiiiiiit. Here we thought we…

Michele Bachmann's Iowa Chair Flees, Seeks Solace With Ron Paul

Michele Bachmann's disdain for facts is well known, which is why on Fox News last night she was confidently declaring that she'll be the Republican nominee, adding, "I intend to be America's Iron Lady." However, for those of us who dwell in reality, two things have come to light that suggest Meryl Streep will never be… » 12/29/11 10:00am 12/29/11 10:00am

Michele Bachmann Wants You To Know She Hates Gays the Most


Future ex Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann hasn't given up her hopeless crusade to win the White House, despite lagging dramatically behind her fellow contenders in the polls. In fact, she's doubling down in the run up to the Iowa caucuses next week by making sure conservative Hawkeye voters know that she… » 12/28/11 6:15pm 12/28/11 6:15pm

Ron Paul Not A Bigot, Just A Chronically Uncool Dude Who Hates Spanish…


Now that everyone's talking about those racist newsletters Ron Paul sent around in the 1990's, people are starting to wonder if perhaps the guy who sounds like he has a lot of negative thoughts about black people might be a little bit racist. Not true, says a former longtime staffer of the Presidential candidate; Ron… » 12/27/11 5:00pm 12/27/11 5:00pm

Ron Paul's Racist Newsletter Explains Why He Hates Blacks, Gays,…

Bewildering libertarian charlatan Ron Paul is in the news again, and it's not for finally discovering gold in California or threatening to burn branches of the Federal Reserve in order to reduce or dependence on foreign energy sources. No, this time Ron Paul's on the hook for writing a whole bunch of really racist… » 12/22/11 4:45pm 12/22/11 4:45pm

Your Handy Guide To Presidential Candidate Dickery

That scrappy ragtag gang of hateful losers who want to be the Republican nominee for President gathered together to talk at America last night in the last debate of the year. And, like in every other televised argument these clowns have had, they used their respective opportunities in the spotlight to remind America… » 12/16/11 11:00am 12/16/11 11:00am