Mitt Romney Is the World's Greatest Grandpa. Seriously.

The fewer political things he does, the more likable Mitt Romney is. Case in point: his new gig blogging about being a curious, hiking adventure guy who takes his grandkids on educational vacations through the American West like he's earning every particle of that WORLD'S BEST GRANDPA coffee mug he probably drinks… » 7/29/14 1:30pm Tuesday 1:30pm

God Planning to Use Magic to Help Romney Win Election, Says Glenn Beck

Great analysis on the state of the Presidential race today, this time from hollering chalkboard assailant Glenn Beck. Turns out, everything you thought about Mitt Romney's anemic poll numbers is wrong. Romney's not falling behind because fewer people plan on voting for him; according to Beck, he's falling behind… » 10/01/12 7:20pm 10/01/12 7:20pm

Mitt Romney Is Actually a Heartthrob Superhero, You Guys

Now that voters are losing confidence in Mitt Romney the Brilliant Businessman and Mitt Romney the Tough Statesman, the campaign can't exactly fall back on the old "he's nice!" trope — "nice" is hardly enough to excite voters enough to get them queueing up for the voting booth in the same numbers they queued up for… » 9/26/12 1:00pm 9/26/12 1:00pm

Why it Matters that Tagg Romney's Surrogacy Agreement Was Pro-Choice

This May, Mitt Romney's son Tagg and his wife Jennifer became the proud parents of two beautiful twin boys with the help of a surrogate. And today, TMZ revealed that — gasp — the agreement they made with the surrogate gave the woman carrying their children the option to terminate the pregnancy for pretty much any… » 9/21/12 4:10pm 9/21/12 4:10pm

Ann Romney Will Inevitably Annoy Voters, Says Mitt Romney

Ann Romney's frequently been utilized as a surrogate for her husband in his Presidential campaign, and it's no wonder. She's sweet, friendly, warm, and, most importantly SHE LOOOVES YOUUU WOMEN! But this week, Mittens himself admitted that there is such thing as Too Much Ann Romney, and that if the campaign isn't… » 9/19/12 1:30pm 9/19/12 1:30pm

Mitt Romney Thinks Middle Income Is Between $200K and $250K

Living political cartoon Mitt Romney knows how middle income people feel when they sit around their kitchen tables talking about hardscrabble real people topics like: "How are we going to be able to afford to find enough truffles for the dancing horse this winter?" and "Where can we find a car elevator repairman at… » 9/14/12 2:30pm 9/14/12 2:30pm

Mittbot Romney Cannot Compute that Gay People Have Families

Not sure what they were teaching kids at Cranbrook when Romney was a student, but if any of the curriculum included the lesson "gay people are people, too," Mitt Romney must not have been paying attention. During his time as Governor of Massachusetts, he displayed a truly shocking amount of callousness to gay… » 9/12/12 9:30am 9/12/12 9:30am

Why Ann Romney Won't Answer Questions About Birth Control and Gay…

Let's start this post with a personal TMI anecdote: many moons ago, I was going out with this guy who had been acting terribly shady for awhile. I had a feeling he was cheating on me, and the next time he was at my house, I asked him about it. "Are you cheating on me?" His response, which I'd later learn was among the… » 9/07/12 6:40pm 9/07/12 6:40pm

Mitt Romney's Sons Explain More of their Dad's Totally-Not-Evil 'Pranks'

Ok, Romney family, we get it: Mitt Romney likes being mean to people and then laughing and laughing and laughing about it. His sons made that abundantly clear during their quintet appearance on Conan last night, during which they explained that their father loves Roy Orbison, Will Ferrell, and "pranks." What kind of… » 6/21/12 2:20pm 6/21/12 2:20pm

Republican Women Would Totally Hold Hands With Mitt Romney

Remember all that crappy crap about women that Mitt Romney kept saying during the socially conservative pissing contest that was the 2012 GOP primary season? Well, it looks like that's water under the bridge for women — the GOP Presidential nominee is getting more and more popular with the ladies by the day. He's so… » 5/31/12 3:20pm 5/31/12 3:20pm

Ann Romney Awkwardly Describes Mitt as 'Wild & Crazy Man Just Waiting…

The words "wild" and "crazy" were completely stripped of meaning today as Ann Romney, wife and apparently also the mommy of Presidential candidate Mitt Romney described her husband as a "wild and crazy guy" while Mitt laughed like a kid having his cheeks pinched by a doting aunt. It was weird. » 5/01/12 12:00pm 5/01/12 12:00pm

Ann Romney: Dog That Shat Himself Out of Fear Actually Loved Riding on…

Remember that story of how Mitt Romney once strapped the family dog's crate to the roof of the car before a road trip to Canada and the dog was so scared that he pooped all over the car? And then Mitt Romney pulled the car over at a gas station and hosed the car off and then continued driving? Well, according to Ann… » 4/17/12 2:15pm 4/17/12 2:15pm

'Mischievous, Naughty' Mitt Romney Is Like a Son to His Wife

In a new campaign video, Mitt Romney's wife Ann regales the American people with heartwarming tales of what a fun-loving scamp the Presidential hopeful can be when he's roughhousing with their kids. In fact, she sighs, sometimes having Mittens around the house was a lot like having an extra kid. Inflating her mom… » 4/09/12 11:40am 4/09/12 11:40am

Zillionaire Ann Romney Doesn't Consider Herself Rich

Ann Romney, she of the couple'a Cadillacs, the wife of an ex-governor finance millionaire who last year complained about being unemployed while bringing in over $20 million in income on interest, appeared on Fox News today to say some Oblivious, Tone Deaf Rich Lady things to the American people. Namely, that she… » 3/05/12 7:45pm 3/05/12 7:45pm

Mitt Romney's Abused Dog Might Have Run Away in Canada

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been dogged by a story from 1983 that continues to hound him to this day: while on a family vacation to Canada, Mittens strapped the family dog to the roof of the car in a container and drove off. For 12 hours. The dog shat himself in fear en route, all over the car. The Romneys… » 2/15/12 3:20pm 2/15/12 3:20pm