Perfect: Sarah Palin Is Getting a Show on the Sportsman Channel

Sarah Palin has a new gig, in addition to full-time warrior for Christmas: The Hollywood Reporter says she's getting her own show on the Sportsman Channel. Titled Amazing America with Sarah Palin and set to debut in April, the show is "an anthology of stories that explore some of the most original, interesting – and… » 12/09/13 2:30pm 12/09/13 2:30pm

Sarah Palin Has Gone Batshit Insane Over the 'War on Christmas'

Sarah Palin, a human angry telephone call from an apoplectic aunt whose opinion you long ago stopped valuing, is BACK (I didn't realize that she'd gone away, otherwise I'd had spent more time cherishing my precious Palin-free days). The former Alaska governor and current Alaska embarrassment's recent media blitz has… » 11/11/13 2:00pm 11/11/13 2:00pm

Sarah Palin is Confused and Upset and Wearing Frosted Lipstick For…

Hopeful that a foray into 1984 fashion would bring about a 1984-style President with Reaganesque hair, Sarah Palin, expert clause attacher, appeared on Fox News last night to appear very worried and upset, and let America know that we're living in a "perplexing time." That makes one of us, Sarah. » 11/07/12 4:20pm 11/07/12 4:20pm

People Still Donating Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars to Sarah Palin, …

Sarah Palin's creatively named "Sarah PAC" has spent $774,000 in the third quarter of this year and taken in more than $800,000, ostensibly from an invisible class people that have tons of disposable income and somehow lack any goddamn sense. So what's the former Governor of Alaska cum professional shouting machine doing … » 10/15/12 4:35pm 10/15/12 4:35pm

Sarah Palin Seems a Little Sad About Having Her Fox Interviews…

Just four years after Sarah Palin was summoned onto the stage of the Republican National Convention by the Norse god of mischief, the former Alaskan governor, has intimated that Fox News would rather that she not appear on television and grasp at relevance during the Republican National Convention. Bereft a more… » 8/30/12 9:30am 8/30/12 9:30am

CNN Apologizes for Playing ‘Stupid Girls’ Ahead of Sarah Palin Segment

CNN apologized on Sunday for playing Pink's "Stupid Girls" during a segment about former Alaskan governor and ineffable presence on John McCain's campaign pins Sarah Palin proudly visiting a Chick-fil-A with her husband Todd. Palin tweeted a picture in which she and Todd are hoisting their sacks of fried chicken up to… » 7/30/12 11:15am 7/30/12 11:15am

Strip Club Hires Sarah Palin Lookalike Just in Time for Republican…

Hoping to capitalize on conservative men's possibly-lingering collective crush, a Tampa Bay strip club has hired a Sarah Palin lookalike to headline during the Republican National Convention in an attempt to draw in business. But this Faux-Palin just any exotic dancer — she's adult film star Lisa Ann, who played Sarah… » 7/23/12 3:50pm 7/23/12 3:50pm

Sarah Palin Still Hasn't Been Invited to the Republican National…

Looks like we've got a Republican etiquette concern on our hands, folks. Even after what seems like a centuries-long career of tossing meaningless word salad live on cable news, Alaska governor possible Presidential candidate rural mayor victor in the battle to overturn the Affordable Care Act hockey mom yammering… » 7/17/12 1:20pm 7/17/12 1:20pm

Sarah Palin Deludedly Dottering About 'Death Panels' Again

Facebook Governor Sarah Palin won Politifact's dubious "Lie of the Year" award in 2009 by declaring that the Affordable Care Act would subject America to something called "death panels," which are not the same kind of panels that Nixon voters installed in their dens in 1973 and ripped down in embarrassment in 1990. No,… » 6/27/12 12:30pm 6/27/12 12:30pm

The Tyranny of 'She's Just Jealous'

When you're in eighth grade and you don't understand why your best friend has suddenly teamed up with the class bully to write you jerky, unsigned notes that they leave in your locker every day (without fail) between fourth period science and fifth period study hall, having a mother who tells you that the girls are… » 6/20/12 3:30pm 6/20/12 3:30pm

Not to Alarm You, But Sarah Palin is Running for President of…

Her popularity plummeting, repeated political head fakes losing their traction, and thickly framed glasses returning to fashion with a vengeance, it may seem to the casual observer that Sarah Palin's star is fading, that it's only a matter of time before her flirtation with power becomes a horrible, distant memory. But … » 6/19/12 5:20pm 6/19/12 5:20pm

Please Stop Contributing to Bristol Palin's Persecution Complex

After ridicule of Bristol Palin's hilariously stupid blog post about President Obama's evolving stance on gay marriage went too far, the daughter of former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin seized the opportunity to show her readers just how picked on she is and what big jerks people who disagreed with her were.… » 5/16/12 3:10pm 5/16/12 3:10pm

Bristol Palin Blames Glee for President Obama's Gay Marriage Stance

The latest person to give their unsolicited opinion on President Obama's personal acceptance of gay marriage is aspiring reality star Bristol Palin. In a new blog post, the daughter of American laughingstock and glass ceiling rebuilder Sarah Palin really put on her thinking cap and reasoned that the President's change… » 5/10/12 3:00pm 5/10/12 3:00pm

Prostitute-Sexing Secret Service Agent Publicly Perved on Sarah Palin

One of the supervising Secret Service agents who resigned under pressure after partaking of prostitutes during a trip to Colombia has been identified. And, predictably, the sort of guy who would cheat on his wife with a Colombian hooker is exactly the sort of guy who would post photos of himself checking out Sarah… » 4/20/12 5:20pm 4/20/12 5:20pm

Bristol Palin Claims Levi Johnston Owes Her Several Gorilla Suits Full …

Since the world was introduced to America's snow angels Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston in 2008, the two lovebirds have since gone their separate ways. Bristol's stumbled across the sequined-encrusted hellscape of Dancing With the Stars and into reality TV, and Levi's waved his hockey stick around the pages of Playgirl » 4/09/12 12:40pm 4/09/12 12:40pm