If a sexually-dissatisfied Southern woman happens to be on the lam with her friend, she can no longer count on glistening young cowboy drifter Brad Pitt to make the fuck with her. Why? Because he doesn't do onscreen sex scenes anymore, out of respect for Angelina Jolie, and she does the same for him.

Over at Twerblyderp Palace, Kate Middleton is taking lessons in Italian cooking from her and Prince William's new housekeeper Antonella Fresolone, known for her "homemade bread" and "delicious pasta." Never forget that Kate's a Topshop-wearing commoner like the rest of us! But this is pretty legit, actually, considering…

At long last, after a scandalizing sexcapade, rumors of a protracted separation, more rumors of tenuous intimacy, and even more rumors of more sexcapading, the amorous Hollywood acting entity known as Robsten, Patstew, or even, if you're feeling linguistically limber, K-Pax, has finally and irrevocably fractured,…

Wedding themes, like prom themes (This Magic Moment, A Night to Remember, Magic Carpet Ride, etc.), usually fall into just a few categories. You don't see too much required camo/hot pink dress codes like the one at Sugar Bear and Mama June Shannon's wedding. It took place in their McIntyre, Georga backyard, with…

So Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey had a totally low-key renewal of their wedding vows. Cannon and #dembaby Moroccan were dressed as Disney princes while Mimi and #fembaby Monroe were in princess garb. It was grillions of dollars, in Disneyland, they Vined the shit out of it, and invited Entertainment Tonight. Some…

The British anti-child abuse advocacy group Kidscape is pissed off that Gwyneth Paltrow hawks bikinis for four to eight year-olds in her latest GOOP newsletter. She captioned images of the swimwear, a collaboration with designer Melissa Odabash and exact replica of adult bikinis sold on the site, that it's "great for…

As the Rihanna bacchanal—Rihacchanal?—known as the Diamonds tour continues to suffer under the weight of four concert cancellations (Boston, March 10; Baltimore, March 12; Houston, April 15; Dallas, April 16) and late publicity appearances, the rumor mill was fed by her paparazzi-snapped exit from a Beverly Hills…

Bet you did Nazi this coming! Publicists/the fates diced and soaked locally-sourced ingredients for a gazpacho of Internet greatness when Justin Bieber stopped by Amsterdam's Anne Frank House on his European tour. He wrote in the museum guestbook:

They've said it before, but naturally people keep asking them, so Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres will say it again. They are not having kids. Don't want them, don't need them, it'll be just the two of them and their adorable seasonal wardrobes. Thank you, come again.

Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes are trying to sell a sitcom based on their life together. Various sources say: "They would play versions of themselves, kind of like on Curb Your Enthusiasm. [...] "They've met with a few networks.. Nothing is finalized yet, but they're seeing where the show could go."