Republican National Convention Attendees Sure Love Sugar Daddy…

The 2012 GOP is a party that promises to return America to the imaginary 1950's white guy wonderland that only ever existed on the teevee, so it's no wonder one might find among its ranks individuals interested in relationships that adhere to, shall we say, antiquated models. Relationships where not only does the man… » 9/04/12 5:20pm 9/04/12 5:20pm

Meet the Women Who 'Actually Like Men': America's Pro-Life Political…

Republican after cowboy hat-wearing Republican I've spoken with at this convention has expressed frustration over this race's focus "unimportant distractions" like Todd Akin's ignorant ass, the abortion debate, and birth control. The American people don't want to talk about that, this isn't what the election is about,… » 8/31/12 7:00pm 8/31/12 7:00pm

Guess Which RNC Speakers Have Histories of Alleged Abuse?

Last night, the crowd at the Republican National Convention cheered wildly at Mitt Romney's suggestion that motherhood is the most important job in the family. They roared with enthusiasm when the CEO of Staples brought up the idea of onsite child care for working mothers. And Ann Romney's Tuesday evening comments… » 8/31/12 5:00pm 8/31/12 5:00pm

More People Watched Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Than the Republican…

You better redneckognize! TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras spinoff Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a bona fide hit, with ratings soaring higher than its already impressive premiere episode. According to Nielsen, the fourth episode of the show drew an audience of almost 3 million, a 30 percent spike from last week's 2.3 million… » 8/31/12 12:20pm 8/31/12 12:20pm

Ugh, Fuck This: Lessons of the RNC

I'm sure Tampa, Florida is a lovely city when it isn't flooded with thousands of people in business casual sweating their asses off as they schlep around in 90 degree heat. It must be a pleasant place to be sometimes, when the whole city proper isn't overrun with every cop in Florida outfitted in Ranger Rick khakis… » 8/31/12 11:30am 8/31/12 11:30am

When Talking About Shoes Is All You Can Do to Keep From Shoving One…

During my few days here in Tampa, I've spent most of my time bitching. Enough! Before I leave, it's time to step into the sun and embrace the reality of the fact that I'm here, my face hurts from grinning encouragingly at strangers, and I'm not going anywhere until later today. I've moved on. Bitch button paused (but… » 8/31/12 10:25am 8/31/12 10:25am

Why Lying Is Bad: A Primer for Confused Republicans

Yesterday at the Republican National Convention in Florida, vice-presidential nominee Paul Ryan got up and made a rousing speech about democracy and the future and why President Obama is a great big bozo who's pooping in America's mouth and calling it the warmed-up Tootsie Roll of Freedom. Ryan talked all about all… » 8/30/12 5:00pm 8/30/12 5:00pm

The Room Behind the Room: The Fancy Republican Donor Parties You Can't…

Here at the RNC, the breadth of extracurricular activities available to you depends largely on how many zeros are at the end of the check you write to the Republican Party. Sinful liberal media heathens like me have the option of RSVP'ing for media parties or wandering around and getting hissed at by possums as they… » 8/30/12 3:45pm 8/30/12 3:45pm

Former Real World Star/Congressman Disgusted That Rape 'Being Used as…

Know what's horrible? Rape. Know what's even worse than rape? When Democrats point out that Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin's kooky views aren't that far from the GOP mainstream. Just ask Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy, who has finally shown us what happens Congressmen stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World:… » 8/30/12 3:20pm 8/30/12 3:20pm

Where the Women Aren't: Drinking in the Republican Lady Lounge

And there, like a mirage, was the place I belonged. A pink logo. Hip, stencilly writing, in the style of a public service announcement warning me to wear a dental dam so as not to spread mouth STD's in 1994. A door propped open, air conditioning wafting out like a snowman fart. The only thing missing was a star… » 8/30/12 2:30pm 8/30/12 2:30pm

Sarah Palin Seems a Little Sad About Having Her Fox Interviews Cancelled

Just four years after Sarah Palin was summoned onto the stage of the Republican National Convention by the Norse god of mischief, the former Alaskan governor, has intimated that Fox News would rather that she not appear on television and grasp at relevance during the Republican National Convention. Bereft a more… » 8/30/12 9:30am 8/30/12 9:30am

Everyone at This Hooters Is Terrible and I Will Die in My Hotel: Tales…

We've got a long history, Florida and I. Our paths keep crossing as if the fate of America's pregnant cabana accident capitol and I are somehow cosmically intertwined, and so naturally, when I found out that the Republican National Convention was being held in Florida this year, I knew I had to go. And that's how I… » 8/29/12 5:10pm 8/29/12 5:10pm

Ann Romney Promises Mitt Will Love America Like a Smitten Teen at a…

In an attempt to appeal to female voters, last night the GOP showcased some of its best lady talent, all of whom had some harshly dismissive words about the War on Women (it's a figment of your hysterical imagination) and how Mitt Romney will do things that will make ladies happy. The most noteworthy, touching moment… » 8/29/12 11:30am 8/29/12 11:30am

10 Things the GOP's New Platform Hates About You

This week, finally, after all those nerd-hours expended on wondering just what precious metal and fancy rhetorical jewels would gild the GOP's terrible turd ideas, the official Republican party platform will be revealed to a chorus of gasps, eye rolls, and delighted shrieks from Rick Santorum. According to people who… » 8/27/12 11:30am 8/27/12 11:30am