Things I Learned About Rich People From the Goop Pop-Up Shop

This week, Gwyneth Paltrow, but more likely the people who work for her, launched a six-day Goop pop-up in Los Angeles in the tony 'hood of Brentwood. It was all the things you'd expect exactly at the correct place in the universe where you would most expect it. I asked a friend to meet me and drove 5.7 miles to check… » 5/06/14 4:15pm 5/06/14 4:15pm

How Much Money Do People in Your City Spend on Pets?

I don't have any pets, because I am allergic (...to having to fucking get up every morning and go outside and stand around waiting for an animal to poop and then touch the poop and then carry the poop around with me), but I do have love for the little buddies. And I understand that, in a lot of people's families,… » 4/30/14 10:40am 4/30/14 10:40am

I Went to An Oscars Gifting Suite and All I Got Was a Glowing Lipgloss

I'll tell you right now that I am not a celebrity. I know that may be hard to believe what with my extravagant lifestyle and frequent trips to both Marshalls and Ross for quality clothing at bargain prices. However, I've always wanted to live like a rock star (well, a rock star in their 50s who just naps a lot) so… » 3/01/14 5:15pm 3/01/14 5:15pm

Romantic Valentine's Day Meal Can Be Yours for the Low Cost of $93,300

Valentine's Day (the who-cares-iest of all the holidays) is right around the corner, so hopefully you've been saving up a Scrooge McDuck's vault's worth of gold to buy your significant other (or the body pillow that you call your "significant other") a proper gift. One particularly romantic option — if you're… » 2/11/14 5:40pm 2/11/14 5:40pm

Food in the House of Lords Is Not Fancy Enough, Complain Fancy Jerks

Oh, noooooooooo. Diners in the upper house of the U.K. Parliament are getting right stroppy about the current House of Lords restaurant options (all of which are taxpayer-subsidized) thanks to small wait lists, less than satisfactory cappuccinos and the lack of Chilean wine on the wine list. And don't even mention the… » 2/03/14 1:00pm 2/03/14 1:00pm

Rich Idiots Will Pay Nearly $30K a Night to Sleep in Luxury Hotels

Those darn wealthy people! It's like every time you see them, they're doing some ridiculous new thing like lighting a cigar with a $100 bill, buying their way onto lifeboats on the Titanic or tricking a rube into selling his oil-rich land for far less than it's worth. And this time's no different. Now, our world's… » 1/21/14 3:00pm 1/21/14 3:00pm

Shit Rich Businesswomen Are Doing: 'Pedicure Powwows'

If you're anything like me, the idea of being the kind of fancy person who goes to "power lunches" to make business deals is a pretty foreign concept. However just in case you (also like me) are planning to Count of Monte Cristo yourself and eventually live among the rich as your eccentric and wealthy alter ego,… » 11/12/13 4:40pm 11/12/13 4:40pm

Matchmaker: Rich Older Women Looking for Love Are 'Too Hard' to Match

There's plenty to find sickening about the wealth oozing from Silicon Valley, though the latest comes by the way of a surprising source: Kelleher International ("making love happen...since 1986"), a matchmaking service that can charge hundreds of thousands of dollars help the richest of the rich find their special… » 10/14/13 10:35am 10/14/13 10:35am

It Takes $5 Million to Actually Feel Like a Rich Person

A new "investor sentiment report" found that rich people don't actually feel like they're rich until they've amassed at least $5 million—in fact, they specifically feel "poor." Their words, not mine. Which is weird, because I sometimes feel like I'm rich when I take a cab, or if I'm home alone with leftover pie, and… » 7/23/13 7:45pm 7/23/13 7:45pm

Breaking: Being a Hot Woman Around Drunk Rich Pricks Sucks

Ever wondered what it's like to be a bottle service girl at one of those coke dusted d-bag watering holes called something like CLIMAX or ESCALATE or PIQUE or TRYST with $25 cover charges that would look horrifically depressing in natural light? Well, wonder no more — so-called "bottle service girls" have CONFESSED… » 7/12/13 5:30pm 7/12/13 5:30pm

America's Elite Toddlers Face New Obstacles to Preschool Admission

The suspension of perspective and sanity wealthy, fretting parents (or even expecting parents) exhibit when they’re trying to wedge their children into exclusive preschools is a well-documented and risible phenomenon. Don’t parents politicking for coveted preschool spots for their barely-cognizant offspring realize… » 6/23/13 1:30pm 6/23/13 1:30pm