Welcome to the fourth and final night of the 2016 Republican National Convention. And folks, we’ve got a special treat for you tonight: Brilliant billionaire and all around great guy Peter Thiel has been granted top billing. We can’t wait!

CLEVELAND — Two southern delegates discussed Ted Cruz’s speech last night in the slow-moving cattle drive toward the security perimeter exit outside Quicken Loans Arena last night.

With the Republican National Convention looming, Donald Trump, our favorite fascist wad of upchucked puréed carrots, needs to corral supporters who will stimulate the crowd. Unfortunately for him, some of the party’s most popular members plan to steer clear of the event.

On Thursday, April 21, 16-year-old trans high school student James Van Kuilenburg was forced to vacate a Ted Cruz campaign rally in Frederick, Maryland.

Ted Cruz, GOP presidential candidate and sinister twin of Ratigan, has publicly denied the National Enquirer’s allegations of his marital infidelity.

A man—a very lonely man, lurching forward with a hunch—stood tonight at a podium, gathered his losses, and projected an aura of confidence. It was not his night; the confidence was not earned; and yet it was fitting, for the man was the Zodiac Killer, and also a favored Republican presidential candidate. It was as…

This time last year, the mood at the Conservative Political Action Conference could best be described as giddy as hell. Republicans were, at that point, spoiled for presidential candidates: Rand Paul won the presidential straw poll, with Scott Walker close behind. Ben Carson spent the event being trailed by his own…

Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals, and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.

Morning Joe host and former Republican politician Joe Scarborough has a bone to pick with self-proclaimed “bae” Marco Rubio, who has appeared on a variety of shows on competing networks but refuses to come in for an interview on his.

On October 5, 2015, Republican presidential candidate and rubber-faced cherub Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) received a “care package” from rival and noted troll Donald Trump. The contents? Among other various sundries, it included “a 24-bottle case of ‘Trump Ice Natural Spring Water’” — a gift lampooning the young senator’s…

Chris Christie—unrequited lover of Bruce Springsteen, Governor of New Jersey, and Republican presidential candidate—has a hungry heart. Ignored during his party’s first presidential debate, he was deprived of the opportunity to tell us his dreams and aspirations. But he won’t be silenced again, oh no. Next time this…