Meet the Women Who 'Actually Like Men': America's Pro-Life Political…

Republican after cowboy hat-wearing Republican I've spoken with at this convention has expressed frustration over this race's focus "unimportant distractions" like Todd Akin's ignorant ass, the abortion debate, and birth control. The American people don't want to talk about that, this isn't what the election is about,… » 8/31/12 7:00pm 8/31/12 7:00pm

When Talking About Shoes Is All You Can Do to Keep From Shoving One…

During my few days here in Tampa, I've spent most of my time bitching. Enough! Before I leave, it's time to step into the sun and embrace the reality of the fact that I'm here, my face hurts from grinning encouragingly at strangers, and I'm not going anywhere until later today. I've moved on. Bitch button paused (but… » 8/31/12 10:25am 8/31/12 10:25am

Where the Women Aren't: Drinking in the Republican Lady Lounge

And there, like a mirage, was the place I belonged. A pink logo. Hip, stencilly writing, in the style of a public service announcement warning me to wear a dental dam so as not to spread mouth STD's in 1994. A door propped open, air conditioning wafting out like a snowman fart. The only thing missing was a star… » 8/30/12 2:30pm 8/30/12 2:30pm

Everyone at This Hooters Is Terrible and I Will Die in My Hotel: Tales…

We've got a long history, Florida and I. Our paths keep crossing as if the fate of America's pregnant cabana accident capitol and I are somehow cosmically intertwined, and so naturally, when I found out that the Republican National Convention was being held in Florida this year, I knew I had to go. And that's how I… » 8/29/12 5:10pm 8/29/12 5:10pm

Ann Romney Promises Mitt Will Love America Like a Smitten Teen at a…

In an attempt to appeal to female voters, last night the GOP showcased some of its best lady talent, all of whom had some harshly dismissive words about the War on Women (it's a figment of your hysterical imagination) and how Mitt Romney will do things that will make ladies happy. The most noteworthy, touching moment… » 8/29/12 11:30am 8/29/12 11:30am

A Guide to the Ladies of the Republican National Convention

The 2008 Republican National Convention arguably belonged to Sarah Palin, who gave the speech that (thankfully) would later prove to be the apex of her political career while her daughter Piper (awesomely) styled her baby brother's hair by licking her hand and rubbing it on his head. Will the 2012 RNC have a similarly… » 8/27/12 4:50pm 8/27/12 4:50pm

Ann Romney's 'My Husband Isn't Terrible!' Speech Moved to Primetime

Woo! It's political convention season! Pancake stage makeup and suits in primary colors and televised political tough talk and speeches given by a candidate's non-political expert loved ones designed to show Americans that, if elected, the candidate's policies would be the equivalent of making gentle marital love to… » 8/27/12 12:10pm 8/27/12 12:10pm

Strip Club Hires Sarah Palin Lookalike Just in Time for Republican…

Hoping to capitalize on conservative men's possibly-lingering collective crush, a Tampa Bay strip club has hired a Sarah Palin lookalike to headline during the Republican National Convention in an attempt to draw in business. But this Faux-Palin just any exotic dancer — she's adult film star Lisa Ann, who played Sarah… » 7/23/12 3:50pm 7/23/12 3:50pm

Sarah Palin Still Hasn't Been Invited to the Republican National…

Looks like we've got a Republican etiquette concern on our hands, folks. Even after what seems like a centuries-long career of tossing meaningless word salad live on cable news, Alaska governor possible Presidential candidate rural mayor victor in the battle to overturn the Affordable Care Act hockey mom yammering… » 7/17/12 1:20pm 7/17/12 1:20pm

Strip Club Business Is Doing Just Great Because Of GOP Conventions,…

With the Republican National Convention close at hand, the host city of Tampa's preparing their local strip clubs for the deluge of GOP patrons that will be pouring in with singles. As it turns out, the RNC singlehandedly buoys struggling strip joints out of debt and improves the town's economy (obviously this is re:… » 6/30/12 1:30pm 6/30/12 1:30pm

Squirt Guns Banned, Hand Guns Welcome at GOP Convention

Are you going to the Republican National Convention in Tampa this August? Do you have a handgun that you simply cannot put down? Well, I've got some good news for you, law abiding gun toter: you can go right ahead and handgun until you're blue in the face, because concealed handguns will be allowed in the convention… » 5/03/12 5:40pm 5/03/12 5:40pm

The End Of The Conventions: What I Forgot To Mention During the RNC

So, speeches are over, the balloons have dropped, the Republicans have abandoned Minneapolis-St. Paul with almost as much alacrity as they once did New Orleans and it's time for another listicle of shit I wish I'd found a reason to write about before now.
  1. That protester that was above my head during McCain's speech
  2. » 9/06/08 3:00pm 9/06/08 3:00pm

Liveblogging The Boys of Republicana

In order to make my life worth living and the liveblog tenable, I stopped for a double cappuccino and missed Mel Martinez speak. Actually, I didn't "miss" him so much as I looked up and realized — unlike the rest of the crowd — that he was speaking. The rest of the crew, though, I paid attention to and my liveblog » 9/04/08 8:09pm 9/04/08 8:09pm

Liveblogging Sarah Palin's Acceptance Speech

Sarah Palin is taking the stage tonight to give the most important speech of her political career. And if the shouting crowds (and my utter lack of a internet connection as I type this) are anything to go by, there's not going to be an Eagleton moment. Anyway, it seems like I'll apparently be posting this after it's… » 9/03/08 10:22pm 9/03/08 10:22pm