Turns out, God loves premature cynicism, absurdity, crippling insecurity masked in mostly bad jokes, and 12 year old boy humor, and thus yesterday at 6 pm, I was sucked by God's Hoover to heaven, just like that radio charlatan predicted. What he didn't predict, however, is how it really is up here.
"As the Christian Science Monitor reports, Robertson has said that God told him about pending disasters on numerous occasions — including a West Coast tsunami in 2006, and a terrorist attack in 2007 — neither of which occurred. "I have a relatively good track record," he has said. "Sometimes I miss."
Okay, so maybe not after. But even if the world is still spinning on Sunday, it's always good to have an idea of what the apocalypse might look like.
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Some people think the world is going to end tomorrow. This seems like it would be really scary. So why is the apocalypse so popular?
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Most of us are getting a good chuckle out of a fringe cult's claim that tomorrow is Judgment Day. It becomes a lot less amusing when you're mom starts planning for the rapture, and tells you it's too bad you won't be coming with her.
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This commercial for After the Rapture Pet Care is kind of tear-jerking, until you realize the pets are just waiting for their owners to get raptured so they can shit in the bathtub and eat all the butter. [Videogum]
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Answer: heathens. One man is setting up a network of atheists to adopt pets after their owners are raptured up to Heaven. Says a skeptic: "I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them." [BusinessWeek]
William Tapley, Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, says: "Please do not expect to be raptured if you are into fornication, if you are into adultery, and if you are into contraceptives." We say: okay! [Shakesville]
