Kelly Ripa Spotted Carrying David and Goliath, Is Handling This Like a Fucking Queen

Are you already burned out by the Kelly Ripa/Michael Strahan/ABC story? First of all, it’s been like 36 hours so if you are, you need to chill. This is, like, stage two of five. Second of all, I’m about to reel you back in, because Ripa just made what could possibly be the most well-curated and satisfyingly shady…
Did This 'Tiara-Wearing Lunatic' Bite a Fellow Plane Passenger or Is It Just a Case of Class Envy?
New York art curator Stacy Engman (who has a very colorful Instagram, for what it’s worth) was issued a summons for assault after allegedly biting a fellow first class passenger on a flight from Istanbul to JFK last summer. The best detail of the case: Engman, ever the elegant lady, was wearing a tiara when the biting…
Queens Woman Accused of Holding Korean Children Captive for More Than Five Years
The Queens District Attorney says a Flushing woman kept two children from Korea captive for more than five years, beginning when they were 9 and 11 years old. DNAInfo reports that Sook Yeong Park, 42, is suspected of bringing the children into the country, then beating them and treating them as virtual slaves.
Introducing the Pseudopenis, or Why Female Hyenas Are Feminist as Fuck

Penis means power. The dominance of dicks and those who have them isn’t a coincidence, or the unavoidable consequence of Big Patriarchy keeping women down—rather, it’s a case of simple biology. In most mammalian embryos, the genital tubercle forms very early, later developing into either a penis or a clitoris, subject…
Coming Soon: A Restaurant Devoted to the Big Question, 'Pie or Cake?'
You probably remember the Great Jezebel War of ‘10 over that most searing of questions: Pie or cake? (Please, no bloodshed.) Well, half a decade later, America will finally have an eatery devoted to that immortal dilemma. Glory be!
Sayyida al-Hurra, the Beloved, Avenging Islamic Pirate Queen
The phrase "Muslim woman" evokes a wide variety of images today, many of them dangerously prejudicial; one image that's not conjured up nearly often enough is that of an independent and beautiful woman who had the King of Morocco in the palm of her hand—and also controlled much of the western Mediterranean Sea with…
Woman Sues Because Massage-Promising Magic Tights Were 'Just Socks'
A Queens woman is suing hosiery company Kushyfoot—"the first brand in women's hosiery to incorporate the ancient healing art of Reflexology in its products"—alleging deceptive business practices because the shaping tights she purchased did not, in fact, deliver a magical fatigue-lifting massage. Sadly, they were "just…
City Urges Hurricane Victims to Get Over It Because We've Got A Marathon to Host
The New York City Marathon is the largest in the world. This year, 47,000 people registered for the race. But, snag: Hurricane Sandy rolled into town, wreaking havoc, killing dozens, knocking out power, and pushing entire neighborhoods out of their homes. And rather than cancel the race and divert resources to…
Some Parents in Queens Think Vaccinations Are Only for Heathen Children
In news that will most likely desiccate the last little puddle of faith you have in human rationality, some enthusiastically religious parents in Queens are asking a judge to nullify a law that would keep their children out of school if classmates are carrying communicable diseases such as measles, mumps, and chicken…
If You Haven't Been Making Out In Church, You've Been Missing Out
One minister has come up with a novel way to both keep church from being boring and keep the spice alive in the marriages of his parishioners: have them make out in front of the rest of the congregation. Yes, these Sunday morning sexytimes are part of Pastor Maurice Johnson's sermon at Winners Church in Queens, or,…
Theory: Why Women Care About Princesses
Women care about the royalty and their lives more than men do. In Great Britain, for example:
New Cleopatra Biography Promises to Shed New Light On The Powerful Queen
Another book about Cleopatra is comin' atcha this holiday season. I get that Cleopatra was interesting and triple extra sexy and all that, but I wish there was more out there about the real Egyptian Queen of Badassery, Hatshepsut.
