Queen Elizabeth Elects Not to Make a Play for the Iron Throne

Queen Elizabeth is in the midst of a brief trip to Northern Ireland, and so of course she carved out some time for a tour of the Game of Thrones set. As one does. Unfortunately she was a spoilsport and did not take the opportunity to sit upon the Iron Throne, thus depriving the world of the greatest photo op of all… » 6/24/14 11:00am 6/24/14 11:00am

Queen Takes Royal Prerogatives Too Far, Demands Harry Shave Sexy Beard

Terrible news out of the United Kingdom. Queen Elizabeth has gone too far. "Sources" tell the Express that her majesty has informed Prince Harry in no uncertain terms that she "intensely dislikes" whiskers and he is to shave his magnificently rakish polar-expeditionary beard "sooner rather than later." » 1/06/14 12:10pm 1/06/14 12:10pm

Even Queen Elizabeth Is Sick of Waiting for the Royal Baby

Look, Queen Elizabeth has a lot to do. She's the Queen of fucking England, which means she can't just wait around for weeks on end while waiting for the birth of a great grandchild. She's got same sex marriage to legalize, fancy hats to wear and corgis that need feeding. Most importantly, she has a vacation planned… » 7/17/13 11:35am 7/17/13 11:35am

A Final Glimpse Of Her Royal Knocked-Upness Kate Middleton

LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 15: Prince Harry, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge head along the Mall towards Buckingham Palace during the annual Trooping the Colour Ceremony on June 15, 2013 in London, England. Today's ceremony which marks the Queens official birthday will not be attended by… » 6/15/13 1:30pm 6/15/13 1:30pm

Lindsay Lohan's Not On Drugs But Having Trouble Making It to Court

I mean, how hard is it to catch a flight? This is a rhetorical question for Lindsay Lohan, who missed her plane last night from New York to attend her trial in L.A. this morning. (We're now on her twenty-something trial. When you move into the double digits, you should get a free Shakeweight or some turtle wax or an… » 3/18/13 9:00am 3/18/13 9:00am

Queen Elizabeth Seeks Royal Dishwasher, Clumsy Butterfingers Need Not…

Rumor has it that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth of England could use a hand. A pair of hands, actually. On the Official Website of the British Monarchy, one will find a job listing for a position known as "General Catering Assistant (Wash-up)." Your mission, should you choose to accept it — er, be chosen to accept it: » 1/08/13 4:10pm 1/08/13 4:10pm