Flying Anywhere This Week Is Absolute Hell on Earth

If you tried to fly over the past week, chances are you spent hours or days trapped in an airport, slowly going insane. This is because relying on airplanes for transport into or out of cold climates during January is the height of foolishness, and unless I have to, I'm never going to do it again. It's a half-miracle… » 1/07/14 3:30pm 1/07/14 3:30pm

Sen. Scott Brown Makes Ridiculous Condom Joke About Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum must be having a major sad tonight. His biggest problem is that he just lost the Puerto Rico primary to Mitt Romney, but what's maybe even worse for Santorum's sizeable yet delicate ego is that his fellow Republicans have now started throwing playground-style jokes his way, as evidenced by this major… » 3/18/12 8:00pm 3/18/12 8:00pm

Paging Jeremiah Wright: There's A White Guy Stealing Your Show!!!

And in the end, it was a white Catholic guy who drove Barack Obama to quit his radical, black Muslim separatist Church of Latter-Day Erstwhile Standup Comedians. Anyway, meet Father Michael Pfleger. He doesn't even preach at Trinity Church, he's just a regular on their "You Can't Do That On The Vatican" open mic… » 6/02/08 10:00am 6/02/08 10:00am

Barack Obama Steals Away On Sexy Tropical Paradise Island Vacation!

Barack Obama sure picked the right time to go on a secret vacation with Rihanna! The blind guy is STILL MAKING NEWS. Now it's co(mg)caine. Barack Obama did cocaine in the eighties. Who cares if the blind governor did cocaine in the eighties? Barack Obama probably gave it to him, and Barack Obama didn't have blindness… » 3/25/08 10:00am 3/25/08 10:00am

Hillary And Barack Can't Morph Into One Supercandidate, But Wouldn't It…

  • Yeah, how do we know when the this fucking nomination process has gone on too long? When the candidates' lives have not only been covered breathlessly in US Weekly, ostensibly dignified magazines like The New Republic have started co-opting their "if they mated" feature. [TNR]
  • The Hillary campaign is now pinning its…
  • » 3/24/08 5:30pm 3/24/08 5:30pm

Beauty Queen Doused With Pepper Spray, Says God Wanted Her to Win

The saboteurs who called in a bomb threat during the final day of the Puerto Rican Miss Universe competition totally stole their idea from the Sandra Bullock vehicle Miss Congeniality. And the beauty queens behind the bomb scare may have been same women who slathered pageant victor Ingrid Marie Rivera's gown and… » 11/26/07 9:30am 11/26/07 9:30am