A recent poll suggests that some Americans like Clinton, some like Trump, and some like the idea of a giant ball of dust and ice destroying us all where we stand. As the kids say: Me af.
Donald Trump, an eggroll to which someone has wastefully glued a hairpiece, gave a speech on trade and economic policy today in front of trash. Just a backdrop of a big mountain of trash. What metaphor?
What an... exciting day it’s turning out to be: while Hillary Clinton addressed the Planned Parenthood Action Fund Friday, seagull dipped in tikka masala Donald Trump headed to the Faith and Freedom Conference, where he was briefly interrupted by protesters from the women’s rights group Code Pink.
Sputum-filled Orange Julius Donald Trump appeared on Fox News Monday night, to carry out one of his blitzkrieg attacks on both American ideals and the English language. He also found time to mention that he, personally, is responsible for women’s success in the construction industry. Who else, right?
John Kasich appeared Thursday on Late Night with Seth Meyers, where he defended his continued insistence on running for president. Let’s hear it, John.
There’s a special sting in losing your home state, and Marco Rubio has all the time in the world to feel it tonight after announcing he will “suspend” his bid for the White House. The GOP race is officially down to only the most hideous choices, a.k.a. the only ones Republican voters will apparently consider.
A billboard suggesting “Vote Trump” survived for two days on Chicago’s West Side, before being replaced first with pro-Bernie graffiti, then with a beautifully drawn alternate recommendation to “Fuck Trump.” The candidate, an animate scarecrow stuffed with the finest manure, is scheduled to speak at University of…
This time last year, the mood at the Conservative Political Action Conference could best be described as giddy as hell. Republicans were, at that point, spoiled for presidential candidates: Rand Paul won the presidential straw poll, with Scott Walker close behind. Ben Carson spent the event being trailed by his own…
Ben Carson materialized at CPAC late Friday afternoon, where he announced he’s suspending his presidential campaign. He also announced that he, like many Americans, has a new job, as national chairman of a nonprofit called My Faith Votes, aimed at inspiring Christians to vote. Politico first reported yesterday that…
The winner of tonight’s GOP debate is Hillary Clinton.
In the single good thing that’s occurred in this election season so far, the Daily Beast reports that Ted Cruz and Ben Carson met for a very tense secret meeting in a storage closet in a South Carolina convention center near the bathrooms. As you do.
We would never say definitively that presidential candidate and absolute charmer Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. That’s just a silly internet joke, children, one that’s gaining traction this election cycle and is in no way substantiated by Cruz’s cold dead eyes or his evident lack of human feeling. Stare into those…
None other than Bill Clinton is criticizing the Berniebro phenomenon, saying at an event in New Hampshire this weekend that Sanders supporters subject his wife’s supporters online to sexist and “profane” attacks. Meanwhile, Kathleen Willey, a woman who in 1998 accused Bill Clinton of groping her, has reportedly signed…
One delightful thing about this campaign season will surely be the smart, self-aware, non-obnoxious ways people who don’t like Hillary Clinton talk about her. Like the always reliable media critics at Fox & Friends, who are merely pointing out that isn’t her campaign, in a way, just “bra-burning”?
Ben Carson, a gentle salamander with a tremendously odd manner, isn’t doing so great, campaign-wise, having just cut 50 staff jobs, or about half of his campaign staff. But he does have clean suits, which seems to be quite important to him.
Donald Trump, who lost pretty badly in Iowa last night, would like to congratulate himself.
After months of poll numbers collapsing like a once proud but increasingly weary hairdo, Rand Paul was relegated to the “undercard” GOP debate planned for Thursday night, at No One Is Paying Attention O’Clock. He is not going, because this represents the media and the RNC toying with him.
Carly Fiorina’s week is, thus far, not so hot: she’s polling between 1 and 3 percent, and both she and Rand Paul learned yesterday they’re being booted down to the kid’s table “undercard” debate. We’ll miss Carly whenever she departs, but happily, we’ll always have this very fun interview in Glamour to remember her…
This endless and deeply tragic week in America has brought us precisely one good thing: a reminder that Craig Mazin exists, the one-time roommate and lifelong enemy of Ted Cruz. Fuckin’ Craig. Love that guy.
Senator and man who would be President Ted Cruz spent Monday night at a town hall in Iowa. While there, he generously shared his thoughts on birth control access, namely how easy it is to get some: “Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber shortage in America.” Oh Ted, you really shouldn’t have.
