Hillary Clinton Addresses Planned Parenthood While Donald Trump Talks to Wary Evangelical Voters

What an... exciting day it’s turning out to be: while Hillary Clinton addressed the Planned Parenthood Action Fund Friday, seagull dipped in tikka masala Donald Trump headed to the Faith and Freedom Conference, where he was briefly interrupted by protesters from the women’s rights group Code Pink.


Donald Trump Congratulates Donald Trump For 'Breaking the Glass Ceiling' In Construction Industry

Sputum-filled Orange Julius Donald Trump appeared on Fox News Monday night, to carry out one of his blitzkrieg attacks on both American ideals and the English language. He also found time to mention that he, personally, is responsible for women’s success in the construction industry. Who else, right?

Farewell to Marco Rubio, Who Just Dropped Out After Losing His Home State of Florida 

There’s a special sting in losing your home state, and Marco Rubio has all the time in the world to feel it tonight after announcing he will “suspend” his bid for the White House. The GOP race is officially down to only the most hideous choices, a.k.a. the only ones Republican voters will apparently consider.

'Vote Trump' Billboard in Chicago Goes Up For Two Days, Is Vandalized Twice 

A billboard suggesting “Vote Trump” survived for two days on Chicago’s West Side, before being replaced first with pro-Bernie graffiti, then with a beautifully drawn alternate recommendation to “Fuck Trump.” The candidate, an animate scarecrow stuffed with the finest manure, is scheduled to speak at University of…

Establishment Republicans Are Delusional About Hillary Clinton and in Denial About Trump

This time last year, the mood at the Conservative Political Action Conference could best be described as giddy as hell. Republicans were, at that point, spoiled for presidential candidates: Rand Paul won the presidential straw poll, with Scott Walker close behind. Ben Carson spent the event being trailed by his own…

Buy This 'Ted Cruz Was the Zodiac Killer' Shirt and Fund Abortions 

We would never say definitively that presidential candidate and absolute charmer Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. That’s just a silly internet joke, children, one that’s gaining traction this election cycle and is in no way substantiated by Cruz’s cold dead eyes or his evident lack of human feeling. Stare into those…

Bill Clinton Criticizes Berniebros As Woman Who Accused Him of Assault Says She'll Rally Against Hillary

None other than Bill Clinton is criticizing the Berniebro phenomenon, saying at an event in New Hampshire this weekend that Sanders supporters subject his wife’s supporters online to sexist and “profane” attacks. Meanwhile, Kathleen Willey, a woman who in 1998 accused Bill Clinton of groping her, has reportedly signed…

Fox Pundit: Hillary Clinton's Desire to Be First Woman President Is 'Bra-Burning' 

One delightful thing about this campaign season will surely be the smart, self-aware, non-obnoxious ways people who don’t like Hillary Clinton talk about her. Like the always reliable media critics at Fox & Friends, who are merely pointing out that isn’t her campaign, in a way, just “bra-burning”?


Rand Paul Boycotts Undercard Debate, Because the Media, Polls, Reality Can't Tell Him What to Do

After months of poll numbers collapsing like a once proud but increasingly weary hairdo, Rand Paul was relegated to the “undercard” GOP debate planned for Thursday night, at No One Is Paying Attention O’Clock. He is not going, because this represents the media and the RNC toying with him.

Here's Glamour Gently Fact-Checking a Ridiculous Interview With Carly Fiorina 

Carly Fiorina’s week is, thus far, not so hot: she’s polling between 1 and 3 percent, and both she and Rand Paul learned yesterday they’re being booted down to the kid’s table “undercard” debate. We’ll miss Carly whenever she departs, but happily, we’ll always have this very fun interview in Glamour to remember her…

Ted Cruz: There's No War on Birth Control Because You Can Always Buy a 'Rubber' From a Vending Machine

Senator and man who would be President Ted Cruz spent Monday night at a town hall in Iowa. While there, he generously shared his thoughts on birth control access, namely how easy it is to get some: “Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber shortage in America.” Oh Ted, you really shouldn’t have.

Sad Chris Christie Refuses to Accept He's Been Friendzoned by America 

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie: just a boy standing in front of a state, pleading with that state to return his calls. The New York Times reports that in a bid to revive his struggling presidential candidacy, he’s launched a charm offensive on the state officials of New Hampshire, conducted mostly by text.