Carly Fiorina Responds to Donald Trump's Comments About Her Face 

Donald Trump, a man who cherishes women, had some things to say about Carly Fiorina’s face. “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?” Trump said to a Rolling Stone reporter. Though the Republican frontrunner later claimed that he wasn’t actually talking about Fiorina’s literal face, Fiorina seized on the… »9/12/15 1:35pm9/12/15 1:35pm

Sarah Palin is Confused and Upset and Wearing Frosted Lipstick For Some Reason

Hopeful that a foray into 1984 fashion would bring about a 1984-style President with Reaganesque hair, Sarah Palin, expert clause attacher, appeared on Fox News last night to appear very worried and upset, and let America know that we're living in a "perplexing time." That makes one of us, Sarah. »11/07/12 4:20pm11/07/12 4:20pm

Let's Send Pizza to People Waiting in Long Lines to Vote

There are people — Americans! — who are currently attempting to vote for President. Unfortunately, the lines are DMV long, there aren't enough voting machines in Ohio (thanks, John Husted, ya jagoff!), and it's very cold and boring to stand in line. To remedy this and keep people's spirits up, why not send those on… »11/06/12 7:15pm11/06/12 7:15pm

Catholic Newspaper Calls Obama 'More Pro-Life' Than Romney

Now that he's picked a running mate who basically believes that fetuses should run things, Mitt Romney seems to have his "pro-life" cred sewn up. After all, he's against abortion, his friends are against abortion, and his new bromantic partner is super extra against it. And that should bring all the religious… »8/13/12 5:30pm8/13/12 5:30pm

Both Presidential Candidates Want You to Know they Love You Very, Very Much

Some sunny side up Suzies might claim that all this political negativity is getting them down, but I love this part of the election cycle, the part where both major parties pretend that if they're elected, the needs of women will be their #1 highest priority. This week, the courtship of the American lady voter… »8/10/12 11:00am8/10/12 11:00am

Jenna Jameson Offers Mitt Romney Key 'Wealthy Former Porn Star' Endorsement

Finally, the political world can exhale — after months of anticipation, former adult film star Jenna Jameson has announced who she will be voting for in this November's Presidential election: former Massachusetts governor, possibly non-taxpaying rich cartoon dad Mittens Romney. But her reasoning behind her choice is… »8/03/12 5:30pm8/03/12 5:30pm

Mitt Romney Will Spend the Fourth of July With Lady VP Hopeful

Your most productive plans for the Fourth of July might involve a vodka-infused watermelon, but Mitt Romney probably won't be doing much relaxing during his annual family vacation at his lakefront home near Wolfeboro, New Hampshire (which includes a terrifying-sounding activity called the "Romney Olympics," Oh My… »7/03/12 11:00am7/03/12 11:00am

Planned Parenthood Hopes Romney Hangs Himself With His Own Rope

Well, Mitt Romney finally clinched the Republican nomination, also known as the National Competition to Prove Who Loves Unborn Children the Most. The presidential hopeful had to make a whole lot of anti-already-born-women promises to win that title: he said on record that he believes Roe v. Wade should be overturned,… »5/30/12 2:00pm5/30/12 2:00pm