Gay Sex Is Like Eight People Taking a Dump in Your Bed, Says GOP Genius

Remember Steve "Your Butt Is a Garbage Alley" Hickey from last week? Well, he's BACK! Already!!! With more butt stuff!!!!! You'd think that being made fun of by the entire nation for being an anus-obsessed weirdo who maybe doesn't know how sex works might cause a person to walk back their poo-themed anti-gay rhetoric,… » 5/07/14 3:15pm 5/07/14 3:15pm

Come On, How Often Do You Really Have to Poop on a Date?

I'm not trying to stir up, er, poo, but I have to ask: How often do you really need to drop a deuce on a date? Isn't this precisely the sort of thing you would do before a date, like, as part of your whole getting ready for the date thing? Shit shower shave is not just for dudes, k? But a book out soon promises to… » 3/21/14 7:00pm 3/21/14 7:00pm

L.A., Soon to Be Drowning in Dog Poop, Bans Plastic Grocery Bags

Today marks a dark day in the annals of people who refuse to pick up after their dogs (or tethered goats — whatever you're into): Los Angeles has, with the New Year, instituted a ban on plastic grocery bags, meaning that L.A.-area residents will have to either provide their own bags or pay an extra ten cents for each… » 1/01/14 4:00pm 1/01/14 4:00pm

Here Is a Photo of Bright Blue Toddler Poop

I am not a person who is easily shocked, especially when it comes to shit. One time I watched with a blank face as a man took a dump on 40th Street and 10th Avenue and then wiped his butt by dragging his crack up the corner of a building. Whatever, it happens. But the unnatural rainbow of crap that's come out of my… » 12/13/13 1:40pm 12/13/13 1:40pm

A Craigslist Toilet Reviewing Gig Is the Perfect Metaphor for Your MFA

This isn't to shit all over MFA students — they get quite enough of that already, both from snarky real-talkers in the Wall Street Journal weekend section and life — but perhaps the best an aspiring writer can hope for in this brave new media landscape tilled by Google adbots and fertilized with diploma paper is a gig… » 11/17/13 3:30pm 11/17/13 3:30pm

Levels of Intimacy: When to Burp, Fart & Poop in Front of Your Partner

Recently, we learned via study something we all suspected was true on some level: that the "average woman" waits a good four weeks before allowing a man she fancies to gaze upon her bare, makeup-free face for fear of scarring him with the knowledge that human eyes don't come rimmed in kohl at birth. But this is only… » 10/23/13 4:50pm 10/23/13 4:50pm

Now There's an iPad Potty, If You Don't Mind Baby Poo on Your iPad

So, okay, somebody invented a potty chair with a mount for your iPad. Okay? Somebody did that. And the idea is that, to incentivize learning to shit properly, you let your kid play with your iPod while their poop is coming out, and THEY FUCKING LOVE IT, and potty training becomes a totally-pun-intended breeze (see,… » 10/11/13 6:15pm 10/11/13 6:15pm

Seriously, Poop Pills Just Might Save Your Life (With Poop!)

Ohhhhhh my GOD, I will never ever ever in my life get tired of stories where doctors use poop as medicine. EVER. Because, you see, it's poop (which is stinky stuff that comes out of your butt*), and then doctors (who are very serious science grown-ups) have to touch the poop with doctory gravitas, and then they turn… » 10/04/13 4:30pm 10/04/13 4:30pm

Why Do I Poop More When I Have My Period?

The answer is prostaglandins. These are the chemical signals girls' and women's bodies make and send to the uterus to tell it to contract, thus expelling the uterine lining at the end of the menstrual cycle. Prostaglandins aren't super picky about whom they talk to, however. If the body sends enough of them to the… » 9/27/13 2:00pm 9/27/13 2:00pm

Poo-Pourri Uses a Fancy Lady’s ‘Creamy’ Turds to Sell Poop Deodorant

Look, any ad willing to describe a bowel movement in terms of birthing “a creamy behemoth” from “cavernous bowels” has a good head on its shoulders. That said, Poo-Pourri’s latest exploits a familiar meme, that of the fancy shitting lady. Get it?? Because ladies, especially fancy ones, don’t poop, and if they do… » 9/15/13 3:00pm 9/15/13 3:00pm

Skinny People's Poop May Hold the Disgusting Key to Weight Loss

"Are you obese? Have you tried everything to lose weight (black and white footage of a person accidentally springing a thighmaster into a flatscreen TV. TV falls down on top of person/ footage of person running in sweatbands and wristbands and kneebands and looking miserable/ footage of a heavy person forlornly… » 9/06/13 6:20pm 9/06/13 6:20pm