Hey, Quick Question: Why Aren't We All Selling Our Poop?

If your answer is "because nobody would want it," you are wrong, because a fecal bank called OpenBiome will buy your poop to the tune of $13,000 a year. » 1/30/15 5:20pm 1/30/15 5:20pm

Piercer Gets a Face Full of Hot Bean Dip After Poking a Relaxed Anus

First of all, we need to get over the fact that anal piercings exist. They exist. Second of all, we all need to understand that in order for a piercing to happen, an anus has to relax. And what happens when you add one traumatic experience to one relaxed anus? Disaster. » 12/22/14 6:00pm 12/22/14 6:00pm

Frustrated Couple Fills Box Full of Poop for Present-Pilfering Thief

As Christmas rushes ever closer, more and more people are getting anxious about their holiday packages. Is it the mail that's slow this year or are presents being stolen, wonders everyone who hasn't received their package from Amazon Prime. And one couple, whose mail woes really was caused by thieves decided to take… » 12/11/14 4:30pm 12/11/14 4:30pm

​Would You Use This Odor-Eating Toilet Seat?

For some reason, we seem to have a problem understanding that feces are, indeed, smelly. We smell millions, possibly billions of dollars trying to hide away a fact of the human body in what I like to refer to as *pushes up glasses* *pulls down overhead screen* *whips out pointer thing* the Poop Industrial Complex. … » 11/22/14 4:18pm 11/22/14 4:18pm

Woman Shits All Over Herself During Hot and Heavy One Night Stand

Here's the truth: One night stands, outside of the sex part, are pretty awful. Especially if you need to use the bathroom or make a quick getaway or accidentally shit yourself because you didn't carefully consider what you were going to eat beforehand. See? Awful. And here's a tale to prove it. » 10/27/14 10:30pm 10/27/14 10:30pm

Little Girl Rewrites “Let It Go” into a Masterpiece About Pooping

I've never seen Frozen, so I am just going to assume the movie was one giant metaphor about bowel movements because this young lady's version of "Let It Go" just spoke to me. Interestingly enough, now that I think it's about poop, I actually want to see Frozen. » 10/04/14 12:45pm 10/04/14 12:45pm

You've Been Pooping All Wrong

You're supposed to squat when you poop. Did you hear me? Squatting. While pooping. Is the way to do it. Not this hunching-over thing you're doing now which takes forever and is not nature's way. Everyone else has figured it out and you are the last person still retro-pooping, so let's get you on the right path. » 9/19/14 4:00pm 9/19/14 4:00pm

Sorority Girls Allegedly Shitting All Over Mississippi State's Campus

End of summer got you down in the dumps? You're not alone. In fact, nowhere in America is it shittier right now than it is on Mississippi State's campus, where a roving band of feral female undergraduates are allegedly shitting all over the place in an attempt to impress their desired sorority with their prolific… » 9/08/14 1:30pm 9/08/14 1:30pm

Woman Forced to Dig Through Her Own Poop to Recover Stolen Ring

Here's a good reminder that your week could be going worse: A Utah woman, arrested for theft, is expected to poke through her own poop to recover a ring she apparently swallowed mid-getaway. Congrats, lady, you're a living cautionary tale. » 9/03/14 10:45am 9/03/14 10:45am

'Logging' Is the Revolting New Poop Craze That Must. Stop. Now.

Poop ruins everything. And at the Holiday Village Red Sea resort in Egypt, it's ruining everyone's vacations. Because British tourists (probably members of One Direction) are finding fun and merriment by relieving themselves of their lunch in the still blue waters of the resort pools. Is it a trend? Well, the hotel is… » 8/12/14 4:30pm 8/12/14 4:30pm

​Why Is There Poop on My Thong? An Investigation

If you are a woman who wears a thong, perhaps you have encountered a moment wherein upon removal of said thong, there is something which appears to be poop-like on the string. You know how to wipe; hygiene is a priority to you. This is no doubt poop-plexing. What is causing this scourge? And how to avoid it? » 8/07/14 1:00pm 8/07/14 1:00pm

New Laxative Ad Features Swirly Poop People Trapped in a Butt Dungeon

The ad world is rumbling about a new print campaign for Dulcolax, in which your constipated colon is represented by a round brown dungeon, and your turds as chocolate soft-serve prisoners. The tagline: "Only you can set them free." » 7/30/14 2:50pm 7/30/14 2:50pm

America Demands Poop Transplants from the FDA

Here at Jezebel dot com, we've been closely following the development of fecal transplants as a treatment for a variety of digestive ailments. Poop as a miracle cure! What's not to like? However, it's turning into a massive headache for the Food and Drug Administration. » 6/26/14 7:00pm 6/26/14 7:00pm

The Environmental Protection Agency Has a Serial Hallway Pooper

A regional office of the Environmental Protection Agency is having a little difficulty protecting its own environment, as someone keeps using their hands or buttholes to leave human shit in the halls. Seriously. » 6/25/14 2:40pm 6/25/14 2:40pm

Awesome Woman Scares Groper So Badly He Craps His Pants

Today's heart(and pants)warming story of sweet payback for someone who really had it coming is brought to you by The Muppet Movie, the internet, and one petite but brave Boston lady who likes to practice making scary monster voices in her spare time. » 6/04/14 4:45pm 6/04/14 4:45pm

Gay Sex Is Like Eight People Taking a Dump in Your Bed, Says GOP Genius

Remember Steve "Your Butt Is a Garbage Alley" Hickey from last week? Well, he's BACK! Already!!! With more butt stuff!!!!! You'd think that being made fun of by the entire nation for being an anus-obsessed weirdo who maybe doesn't know how sex works might cause a person to walk back their poo-themed anti-gay rhetoric,… » 5/07/14 3:15pm 5/07/14 3:15pm

You Are Mostly Made of Bacteria and There's a 'World War' in Your Colon

Today in butt news: Author Mary Roach (of Bonk and Stiff and Spook fame) has a new(ish) book out called Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal. In it, she explores some of the more fantastic and obscure truths about the human digestive system. » 4/25/14 7:50pm 4/25/14 7:50pm

Come On, How Often Do You Really Have to Poop on a Date?

I'm not trying to stir up, er, poo, but I have to ask: How often do you really need to drop a deuce on a date? Isn't this precisely the sort of thing you would do before a date, like, as part of your whole getting ready for the date thing? Shit shower shave is not just for dudes, k? But a book out soon promises to… » 3/21/14 7:00pm 3/21/14 7:00pm

Science Discovers the Key to Healthy Sausage: Baby Poop

One day, scientists were thinking about the sausage, a food item made from shoving bits of ground-up animal meat and bacteria into an intestine casing until it has the consistency and shape of a rather spry semi-erect phallus. The one thing missing from this delicacy, decided scientists, is baby shit. » 2/20/14 2:15pm 2/20/14 2:15pm