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Wherein Picking a Wedding Caterer Becomes an Expensive Identity Crisis

Last week I officially passed the “one year left” mark on my wedding planning calendar. Between celebrating and freaking out, I realized I had to get to work on the Next Big Thing on my planning to-do list: Finding a caterer. My mother was insistent. My dad, resolute: “There has to be food!” » 7/23/15 10:55am 7/23/15 10:55am

Here Is the World’s Longest Pizza

Pizza lovers, prepare yourselves for a beautiful sight. At Milan’s Expo 2015 World’s Fair, over 60 of Italy’s best pizza chefs joined forces to create the world’s longest pizza. An official Guinness Worlds Records judge was on hand to witness the finished product, which measured out to over 1.5 kilometers, or almost a… » 6/21/15 4:00pm 6/21/15 4:00pm

Let Pizza Become Your Own Personal Oracle

During those times when we find ourselves at a crossroads and cannot solve one of life’s quandaries by our lonesome, it’s typical to call on the guidance of outside forces. After hours of tormenting other humans with our pressing dilemmas, some of us may still not be satisfied. The next step is to seek advice from… » 5/10/15 5:30pm 5/10/15 5:30pm

How Many Pizzas Should You Order? The Pizza Equation Will Tell You

At some point in your life you will be asked to order pizza for a group. When that time comes, don’t be afraid. All the information you need to determine how many pies to order can be found in the pizza itself. Because what is a pizza if not a tool for learning fractions? » 4/27/15 3:25pm 4/27/15 3:25pm

Flavor Savoring in the Boom Boom Room: Pizza Hut Daps My Mouth-Hand

Not until Monday night did it occur to me how badly I wanted to own a shirt that said SAVOR THE FLAVOR. On a free-standing garment rack, wedged between an apron, a black vinyl puffer vest, and several other shirts of sartorial insignificance, there was a bright-red women's v-neck t-shirt demanding that I put a… » 11/14/14 12:27pm 11/14/14 12:27pm

USA, USA: This Pizza Cake Will Give You a Heart Attack and Diabetes

Welcome to America, land of dreams and opportunity and the only place where someone decided that it would be a good idea to make a cake out of pizza. Because just regular pizza isn't enough. It's broken. You need to fix it so that each bite threatens to give you a stroke. Because what good is dinner if it's not… » 9/30/14 9:30pm 9/30/14 9:30pm

DiGiorno Crashes Discussion on Domestic Violence With Pizza Joke

The release of security footage that showed now-ex Baltimore Raven Ray Rice punching his fiancee in the face spurred many female users of Twitter to discuss their own experiences with domestic violence. The ensuing discussion involving women's stories of why they they stayed with or left their abusers was… » 9/09/14 2:20pm 9/09/14 2:20pm

The Hero We Need: Woman Risks Life and Limb to Save Pizza

What do you do when your pizza is assaulted in a freak food fight that erupts out of nowhere? Do you stand idly by watching your 3.14 of perfection be marred by errant glasses of water and angrily launched seasonings or do you run into the fray headfirst to protect your honor, your dignity, your pizza no matter the… » 8/07/14 11:30pm 8/07/14 11:30pm

Pizza Wars: Will No One Defend the Deep Dish?

This topic is not for the faint of heart. The debate to come will tear apart families and turn friends into enemies. Rivers will run red with the blood of 1,000 tomatoes. Cheese will be everywhere and dough — oh, God, so much dough. We are about to talk about pizza. Specifically (and dangerously), we are talking about » 11/14/13 3:30pm 11/14/13 3:30pm

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

What are the United States' best regional foodstuffs? Its worst? These are the questions that bedevil the mind of man—but no longer! For here, we have ranked them. Rigorously scientific (not), ardently researched (nope), and scrupulously fair (not even a little bit): this is the Great American Menu! » 10/17/13 3:39pm 10/17/13 3:39pm

Pizza Hut's Cheeseburger Pizza Is Both Extraordinary and Repulsive

This roughly 3,000 calorie pizza features ten mini burgers topped with mozzarella embedded around the crust. It is then topped with all the toppings in the world and served with fat-filled dipping sauce (ketchup?). Thankfully, it's only available in the Middle East and UK, but it's rumored to be heading west. Pizza… » 9/18/13 8:30pm 9/18/13 8:30pm

Testicles Have Taste Receptors. Do With That What You Will.

I don't know how to break this to you gently, so I'm just going to come out and say it: there are taste receptors on every pair of testicles. To be more specific, there are taste receptors for the flavors of sweet and umami ("pleasant savory taste") sitting atop the undercarriage of the male anatomy. So don't even… » 7/02/13 10:40am 7/02/13 10:40am

Adorable Daughter Bills Dad for Home Tech Support

Oh, your parents: Teh Olds. They're always needing technical assistance with the most rudimentary computer tasks. Worse, you can't begrudge them the tech support since they're always helping you out with rides to the movie theater and money for ice cream. You can't deny them service, but goshdarnit, you should demand… » 6/25/13 5:53pm 6/25/13 5:53pm