This topic is not for the faint of heart. The debate to come will tear apart families and turn friends into enemies. Rivers will run red with the blood of 1,000 tomatoes. Cheese will be everywhere and dough — oh, God, so much dough. We are about to talk about pizza. Specifically (and dangerously), we are talking about …
What are the United States' best regional foodstuffs? Its worst? These are the questions that bedevil the mind of man—but no longer! For here, we have ranked them. Rigorously scientific (not), ardently researched (nope), and scrupulously fair (not even a little bit): this is the Great American Menu!
This roughly 3,000 calorie pizza features ten mini burgers topped with mozzarella embedded around the crust. It is then topped with all the toppings in the world and served with fat-filled dipping sauce (ketchup?). Thankfully, it's only available in the Middle East and UK, but it's rumored to be heading west. Pizza…
I don't know how to break this to you gently, so I'm just going to come out and say it: there are taste receptors on every pair of testicles. To be more specific, there are taste receptors for the flavors of sweet and umami ("pleasant savory taste") sitting atop the undercarriage of the male anatomy. So don't even…
Oh, your parents: Teh Olds. They're always needing technical assistance with the most rudimentary computer tasks. Worse, you can't begrudge them the tech support since they're always helping you out with rides to the movie theater and money for ice cream. You can't deny them service, but goshdarnit, you should demand…
When a woman ordered a pizza from her local Domino's last week, she expected cheesy deliciousness, not cheesy unsolicited come-ons/harassment. But that's what she got.
I can't explain exactly why George Clooney's face on the body of a pizza chef fills me with so much joy, but it does. This pizza box is from Haslach, Germany, and so either Clooney has a pizza flipping twin in Haslach, or this is just another thing the man excels at. When he's not pulling pranks, he's pulling dough!
By the time the season finale of 30 Rock aired last night, there had been a lot of changes in Liz Lemon's life—she bought a second apartment, got married, adopted two children—but one thing remained the same through all seven years since the show started: eating. A huge part of the character was her relationship to …
New Zealand's Hell Pizza offers a regular "confessional" competition in which customers try and best each other with their most scandalous stories. Last week, the company's Facebook page posted a douchey bro version of a trigger warning before the winning confession — "Don't read below if you're easily offended" — and…
Last fall, our trusty Congress officially declared that pizza was a vegetable because it has tomato sauce on it. Yeah, that was definitely a high point for democracy. Anyway, that led to us all making tired cracks about how we were at least getting our vegetable when we ate pizza, but in some small way, it did make it…
Mystic Pizza, the movie that introduced America to Julia Roberts's cackle, was in fact based on a real place of the same name, a place in Connecticut where mystical pizzas were made in roaring ovens throughout the bountiful 90s, but that has now become a poster child for the economic recession. Or tax fraud. The U.S.…
Hey, dude, your kid is flying out of control down the hill. Maybe you should stop screaming, "PIZZA! PIZZA! Do a Pizza!" at him and, you know, actually explain what a "pizza" is. Or, better yet, put the camera away, and ski over to help him. Just a totally chill thought for you, man. Also, after he has wiped out and is…
This ought to set your heart into overdrive: Hope Trott, a 3-year-old from Maine, woke up in the middle of the night on Wednesday and left her house all by herself. She then proceeded to walk a mile in fresh snow to a grocery store, because apparently she thought her mother was inside buying a pizza. It's not clear…
Asking someone to marry you is one of life's most amazing events; so what better place to do it than at Pizza Hut, one of the most amazing places on the planet. For the bargain price of just $10,010, you can get a complete Pizza Hut proposal package. That may seem a bit pricey for what is not necessarily the most…
Seven-year-old Floridian Rita Lawlor was given an award by the Sarasota County Fire Department for her bravery and composure in the face of what would be a terrifying situation for anyone— her mother wouldn't wake up, even when slapped across the face with a piece of pizza. Master Shredder would be so pleased.
Papa John's Pizza promises you "Better Ingredients. Better Pizza," but they may now also have to worry about offering up "Less Racism." Yesterday, Minhee Cho posted a Papa John's receipt on Twitter where they'd put her name down as "lady chinky eyes." Stay classy, Papa John's employees! Obviously the minute this hit the…
Congress has taken on a long-neglected injustice in the food pyramid and will push to ensure that pizza, once derided as little more than a triangular delivery system for sodium and saturated fats, be finally recognized as the wholesome vegetable that it is. Our tax dollars, God's work.
The woman who accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment while he was President of the National Restaurant Association (the more delicious NRA) has said, through her attorney, that she doesn't want to publicly reveal her identity or discuss details of the alleged inappropriate actions because she doesn't want to be…
Herman Cain, a pizza-making businessman who has never held any political office, is running for President. He peppers his speech with inscrutable metaphors and has terrible ideas, and yet, he's still among the GOP frontrunners. This guy can't be serious. Can he? We try to get to the bottom of what's really behind…
Apparently Dominos executives in Japan have a lot of time on their hands, because they've come up with an elaborate plan for opening a store on the moon. After consulting with a construction firm, they determined that transporting 70 tons of concrete, along with pizza making equipment, will cost $22 billion. They were…
The Wisconsin State Capitol is still flooded with protesters demanding Governor Walker and State Senate Republicans reconsider measures that would remove almost all bargaining rights from public employees' unions. Tea Partiers who bussed in yesterday are still trying to antagonize them, and various news trucks are…
A study supposedly shows that college students would rather have a self-esteem boost than sex or a slice of pizza. If that's true, would it be such a bad thing?
A restaurant in Burnley, England is the first in the U.K. to sell pizzas with zebra meat topping. Yummy Yummy Italia already sells buffalo, kangaroo and crocodile pizzas, but protesters complain zebras are a rare (though not endangered) species. [News.com.au]
