The Hero We Need: Woman Risks Life and Limb to Save Pizza

What do you do when your pizza is assaulted in a freak food fight that erupts out of nowhere? Do you stand idly by watching your 3.14 of perfection be marred by errant glasses of water and angrily launched seasonings or do you run into the fray headfirst to protect your honor, your dignity, your pizza no matter the… » 8/07/14 11:30pm 8/07/14 11:30pm

Pizza Wars: Will No One Defend the Deep Dish?

This topic is not for the faint of heart. The debate to come will tear apart families and turn friends into enemies. Rivers will run red with the blood of 1,000 tomatoes. Cheese will be everywhere and dough — oh, God, so much dough. We are about to talk about pizza. Specifically (and dangerously), we are talking about » 11/14/13 3:30pm 11/14/13 3:30pm

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

What are the United States' best regional foodstuffs? Its worst? These are the questions that bedevil the mind of man—but no longer! For here, we have ranked them. Rigorously scientific (not), ardently researched (nope), and scrupulously fair (not even a little bit): this is the Great American Menu! » 10/17/13 3:39pm 10/17/13 3:39pm

Pizza Hut's Cheeseburger Pizza Is Both Extraordinary and Repulsive

This roughly 3,000 calorie pizza features ten mini burgers topped with mozzarella embedded around the crust. It is then topped with all the toppings in the world and served with fat-filled dipping sauce (ketchup?). Thankfully, it's only available in the Middle East and UK, but it's rumored to be heading west. Pizza… » 9/18/13 8:30pm 9/18/13 8:30pm

Testicles Have Taste Receptors. Do With That What You Will.

I don't know how to break this to you gently, so I'm just going to come out and say it: there are taste receptors on every pair of testicles. To be more specific, there are taste receptors for the flavors of sweet and umami ("pleasant savory taste") sitting atop the undercarriage of the male anatomy. So don't even… » 7/02/13 10:40am 7/02/13 10:40am

Adorable Daughter Bills Dad for Home Tech Support

Oh, your parents: Teh Olds. They're always needing technical assistance with the most rudimentary computer tasks. Worse, you can't begrudge them the tech support since they're always helping you out with rides to the movie theater and money for ice cream. You can't deny them service, but goshdarnit, you should demand… » 6/25/13 5:53pm 6/25/13 5:53pm

George Clooney Moonlighting as a Pizza Chef in Germany, Apparently

I can't explain exactly why George Clooney's face on the body of a pizza chef fills me with so much joy, but it does. This pizza box is from Haslach, Germany, and so either Clooney has a pizza flipping twin in Haslach, or this is just another thing the man excels at. When he's not pulling pranks, he's pulling dough! » 2/18/13 11:15pm 2/18/13 11:15pm

Seven Seasons of Liz Lemon Eating

By the time the season finale of 30 Rock aired last night, there had been a lot of changes in Liz Lemon's life—she bought a second apartment, got married, adopted two children—but one thing remained the same through all seven years since the show started: eating. A huge part of the character was her relationship to… » 2/01/13 5:05pm 2/01/13 5:05pm

Pizza Company Tries to Make Everyone Forget it Promoted Sexual Assault…

New Zealand's Hell Pizza offers a regular "confessional" competition in which customers try and best each other with their most scandalous stories. Last week, the company's Facebook page posted a douchey bro version of a trigger warning before the winning confession — "Don't read below if you're easily offended" —… » 8/16/12 10:10am 8/16/12 10:10am

Mean Congressman Tries to Take Away the One Vegetable We All Love: Pizza

Last fall, our trusty Congress officially declared that pizza was a vegetable because it has tomato sauce on it. Yeah, that was definitely a high point for democracy. Anyway, that led to us all making tired cracks about how we were at least getting our vegetable when we ate pizza, but in some small way, it did make it… » 5/23/12 10:00pm 5/23/12 10:00pm

Real-Life Mystic Pizza May Soon Serve Its Last Slice

Mystic Pizza, the movie that introduced America to Julia Roberts's cackle, was in fact based on a real place of the same name, a place in Connecticut where mystical pizzas were made in roaring ovens throughout the bountiful 90s, but that has now become a poster child for the economic recession. Or tax fraud. The U.S.… » 3/08/12 11:15pm 3/08/12 11:15pm

Dad Is World’s Worst Ski Instructor

Hey, dude, your kid is flying out of control down the hill. Maybe you should stop screaming, "PIZZA! PIZZA! Do a Pizza!" at him and, you know, actually explain what a "pizza" is. Or, better yet, put the camera away, and ski over to help him. Just a totally chill thought for you, man. Also, after he has wiped out and… » 3/04/12 11:00pm 3/04/12 11:00pm

3-Year-Old Girl Goes for Mile-Long Walk by Herself in the Middle of…

This ought to set your heart into overdrive: Hope Trott, a 3-year-old from Maine, woke up in the middle of the night on Wednesday and left her house all by herself. She then proceeded to walk a mile in fresh snow to a grocery store, because apparently she thought her mother was inside buying a pizza. It's not clear… » 2/23/12 11:15pm 2/23/12 11:15pm

Make Your Engagement Extra Special by Proposing at Pizza Hut

Asking someone to marry you is one of life's most amazing events; so what better place to do it than at Pizza Hut, one of the most amazing places on the planet. For the bargain price of just $10,010, you can get a complete Pizza Hut proposal package. That may seem a bit pricey for what is not necessarily the most… » 2/09/12 11:55pm 2/09/12 11:55pm

Adorable Little Girl Saves Mother's Life Via Pizza Slap to Face

Seven-year-old Floridian Rita Lawlor was given an award by the Sarasota County Fire Department for her bravery and composure in the face of what would be a terrifying situation for anyone— her mother wouldn't wake up, even when slapped across the face with a piece of pizza. Master Shredder would be so pleased. » 1/26/12 2:20pm 1/26/12 2:20pm