Seriously. Check the math. (DON'T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage—which was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to…

One million packages of birth control pills have been voluntarily recalled after their manufacturer has announced that the drugs might not contain enough hormones to prevent pregnancy. So instead of calling them "birth control pills," it might be more accurate to refer to them as "one-a-day useless hormone candy."

• A man in New York is being sued by Pfizer for towing a large fake missile around Manhattan "for fun" on September 8 with the words "Viva Viagra" printed on the side. • Oh, and apparently authorities at the Lincoln Tunnel never checked to see if the missile was real or not when he drove by them on September 8. • The…

Here is a story that is all shades of "Yes, capitalism, it does breed evil": Alan Hesketh of Connecticut was just arrested at JFK airport for trafficking hundreds of images of child porn. He is 61 years old. His job was directing patents for Pfizer, so basically his purpose in life was to make sure his company made as…