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How Much Money Do People in Your City Spend on Pets?

I don't have any pets, because I am allergic (...to having to fucking get up every morning and go outside and stand around waiting for an animal to poop and then touch the poop and then carry the poop around with me), but I do have love for the little buddies. And I understand that, in a lot of people's families,… » 4/30/14 10:40am 4/30/14 10:40am

Hedgehogs Are Quickly Becoming the Most Popular Pets

All ye pet owners searching for that offbeat pet to help you prove to strangers that you aren't some cat or dog yuppie piece of human garbage but a unique individual with FEELS and THOUGHTS — the hedgehog is officially mainstream. That's not a terrible thing, considering that hedgehogs are super cute, relatively easy… » 2/23/14 12:00pm 2/23/14 12:00pm

Squirrel Tries to Stash Its Nut Treasure in a Perplexed Dog

Theoretically, squirrels are cute and it'd be delightful to have a trained squirrel bustling around one's home, piling up nuts and candybars in a cool, dry little corner. Then again, squirrels seem like busybodies, don't they? They're always bustling and storing, finding new places to stuff what they think is… » 2/09/14 1:00pm 2/09/14 1:00pm

Dirty Mudbloods Allowed to Mingle with Purebred Dogs at Westminster

The Westminster Dog Show, a 138-year-old institution dedicated to preserving the once functional deformities produced by humanity's ancient breeding experiments with gray wolves, broke tradition last night and let, for the first time in a century, mixed breed dogs compete next to their purebred counterparts. The… » 2/09/14 12:30pm 2/09/14 12:30pm

America Is Turning into a Nation of Puppy Fetishists

There will have been 10 — TEN — puppy bowls on Animal Planet after this year's Puppy Bowl X, a spectacle of unabashed puppy objectification, is in the books. Last year's Puppy Bowl attracted 12.4 million viewers, and proved itself to be a reliable alternative televised event for people who don't want to watch the… » 2/02/14 3:00pm 2/02/14 3:00pm

All-Puppy Conan Features Puppy Justin Bieber And Puppy Pharrell

Last night, in honor of this Sunday's Big Game (Puppy Bowl, duh), Conan introduced his audience to this year's cast of Puppy Conan, an all-puppy version of his late night show. Puppy Conan's guests included Puppy Pharrell, Puppy Justin Bieber and crew (complete with puppy-sized luxury rental car), and Puppy Toronto… » 1/31/14 2:20pm 1/31/14 2:20pm