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Perfume

I am generally ashamed of my weakness for those "what's in your bag" features, since they sort of represent the basest forms of useless information purveying/commodity fetishism, but. Sometimes they offer exotic little ripples of texture — sort of like Bumble & Bumble Surf Spray, only without the ensuing dreadlocks — as the July Marie Claire's exploration into the contents of Kristen Bell's beach tote demonstrates. Click the pic for more worldly possessions, and be sure not to miss #8.

Afghanistan is known for its heroin production, and the weak post-Taliban government does little to stop the growing, illegal industry. However, a group of foreign and Afghan businessmen are hoping to influence poppy farmers to grow flowers for perfume instead of drugs. The men are met with resistance, both from the poppy farmers and the corrupt Afghan government, which asks for bribes and stalls production during peak harvesting times. The lack of enthusiasm from the farmers could reflect the difficulties of dealing with a legal business in a weak government, especially when they can grow illegal poppy flowers with more ease. Sure, the beauty industry isn't so great, but is it so wrong to want to have a legal business, and make people smell good in the process? [NPR]

something stinks

How Do You Describe Something You Can't See, Feel, or Hear?

So there's a story by Jim Lewis on Slate about perfume. Not just about perfume, though — about writing about perfume. The story is linked to a book called Perfumes: The Guide, by husband and wife team Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez. I used to write about music, which I always thought was really tough; somehow the vocabulary ("upbeat, sing-along, power-pop" or "the songs meandered, looped, tinkled out or built to a dramatic orchestral crescendo") always seemed forced and limited. But describing a scent seems even more challenging. Lewis points out that the words perfumers use: amber, citrus, floral — are pretty vague. But! Luca Turin describes Fracas thusly: "A friend once explained to me how Ferrari achieves that gorgeous red: first paint the car silver, then six coats of red, then a coat of transparent pink varnish..." Can you smell it? Glossy, bright and sharp.
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Smell Ya Later Do you have a few bottles of overwhelmingly musty perfume lying around? Now you can use them as weapons! A woman in Corpus Christi, Texas warded off a captor by spraying him with Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume. The captor tricked the woman into stopping her car by lying down in the middle of the road and then forced her at knife point to "drive him around the city" before stealing $80 and a cell phone and getting doused in flowery amber water. Apparently the man had no problem risking his life by lying down in front of a moving vehicle, but smelling like a member of the Golden Girls was enough to make him flee. [UPI]

news roundup

Dark Matter, Light Reading!

  • "'Please leave me alone. ... This is a very hard time for me,'" he said as he threw his arms up and wept. WSJ]
  • Dark Matter, a Meryl Streep movie about an Asian campus shooter delayed following the Virginia Tech killings, is finally set to be released. [WSJ]
  • We have 11-year-old sex offenders in this country now. [MyFoxDFW]
  • And Kimora Lee Simmons Barbies. [NY Mag]
  • What happens when a pharmaceutical sales rep copies and pastes the Match.com profile of a Harper's writer? A somewhat awkward date! [WSJ]
  • Too. Fucking. Sad. [LA Times]
  • Oh my GOD and if you think that is bad you won't BELIEVE what's happening to this critical American industry. [NYT]
  • Hillary and John McCain had a vodka drinking contest with Hillary when the two were in Estonia a few years back but Barry Hussein asked for his shot glasses to be filled with water. Islamofascist! [NY Times]
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something stinks

Drowning In Perfume? You Might Be Depressed

Researchers from Tel Aviv University recently discovered a link between depression and the olfactory glands. "Our scientific findings suggest that women who are depressed are also losing their sense of smell, and may overcompensate by using more perfume," explains Professor Yehuda Shoenfeld. The good news? "People who are depressed seem to respond well to aromatherapy. Certain smells seem to help them overcome the effects of the biological factors, suggesting that depression may have a biological cause." Dr. Shoenfeld suggests that a standardized "smell test" cold be developed so that doctors could diagnose depression and other autoimmune diseases. Haven't you always suspected the aroma of fresh-baked brownies was a miracle cure? More »

Get A Whiff Of This John Brady, a columnist for Folio: magazine, has declared that magazine scent strips stink. He writes that the perfume or cologne ads in magazines "all smell alike" and make the entire publication smell "like the men's bathroom between innings at Fenway Park." His way of dealing with them is to rip them out, put them in a trash bag and then "seal the trash bag tightly so that the scents don't contaminate the room." He also warns, "Whatever you do, don't run these strips through your shredder," claiming you'll be stuck with the scent for at least three years. Here's a question: Have you ever rubbed a scent strip on your wrist or hand and liked the way it smelled? And has any one ever purchased a fragrance because they sniffed it in a magazine? [Folio:]

something stinks

Celebrity Scents: Cold Hard Cash With A Top Note Of Shamelessness

Worldwide sales of the top ten celebrity scent lines totaled $353.6 million last year, reports Forbes. Heading the pack as top-seller was Sean John Unforgivable, the signature scent of Sean "Diddy" Combs — with a $74.9 million in sales. Celebs, writes Lauren Sherman, team up with cosmetics companies who produce the fragrance and then "slap the star's name on the bottle." But Diddy was personally involved with his deal with Estée Lauder, stresses Diana Espino, general manager of Sean John Fragrances. He came up with a concept, tested different scents and eventually began starring in print and online ads. The deals pay off: Celebrities give the scents attention, and stars get a cut of the sales, between 5% and 10%. Jennifer Lopez's last CD and last few movies were flops, but sales of her different fragrances totaled $77 million in 2006. (She has a fifth scent set for release in February.) And even though Britney's personal life is a mess, her perfumes, Curious and Fantasy, made $84 million last year. More »

clips

Are Women Really Going To Want M By Mariah Carey?


The commercial for M by Mariah Carey, the singer's signature fragrance, debuted on Friday. The same Loch Ness Monster image that appeared in the print ads shows up, which admittedly, we sort of like just because it's so fucking weird and unattractive. The rest of the ad though is erotic in a Harlequin novel sort of way, with flashes of flesh. Also, you walk away with the idea that the scent smells like her cleavage. Are women supposed to wanna buy this stuff?

i need a god damn job

How To Deal With The Wife Of Your Rock Star Crush

We usually try to forget that Paul Westerberg is married, which is why we avoided this CNN story on his wife's apparently great new memoir Petal Pushers even though it has inexplicably been characterized as "popular" for the past 48 hours on, like, the biggest news website and, hello, this shouldn't even be a big deal in Minnesota right now. So anyway, we read it. And were confused. Do we like Laurie Lindeen despite the fact she is married to the frontman of our favorite band (and by "our," we guess we mean the 767 of you who clicked on this). Well, there's this.
Home life with Westerberg, who coaches son Johnny in baseball, is "swell," Lindeen says. "It hasn't always been. There's been a lot of challenges. But we're a family. And we are devoted to our son, and Paul's healthy right now. He quit drinking a couple of years ago — again — which was critical."
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scary bradshaw

Sarah Jessica Parker's 'Covet': Do. Not. Want.

This commercial for Sarah Jessica Parker's new fragrance Covet gives us second-hand embarrassment. Whereas the tagline for her first perfume, 'Lovely', went for "enchanting," Covet's ad aims for "bewitching," but really we just end up with witch, and we can't help but think of her abrasive look in Hocus Pocus. The googly-eyed close up at the end is really creepy, but not as creepy as the fact that digital correction has erased every line on her face. We guess that when it comes to perfume, people don't like the smell of crow's feet.

Sarah Jessica Parker Beauty

scent of a woman

'Vulva': The Perfume Of The Panty-Minded

When we first discovered the fragrance Vulva, the "beguiling vaginal scent," we thought it was some sort of weird German art project. But no! It's a legit business that bottles pussy stank in those '80s Less Than Zero cocaine vials and calls itself not a perfume but a "smelling substance for your own pleasure." The FAQ on its site reminds us that Vulva is not suitable for anyone under 18, and that it should not come in contact with mucous membranes. Watch the video/commercial here. (NSFW) More »

the emanation of mimi

Mariah Carey's Perfume Ad Stinks

The official ad for M by Mariah Carey, Mimi's signature fragrance, was finally released, after fake ads were making the blog rounds last month. Uh, we know this is "official" but it still looks pretty fucking fake. She could be a character from that entirely CGI'd movie Beowulf. Like, has she ever looked like that? Anyway, we totally knew the real ad would involve butterflies somehow. It's available for sale this week at $62.50 for a 3.3 oz bottle. According to the site, the scent "opens with an indulgent creamy accord and blooms into an opulent floral heart [that] will linger in your mind like a timeless melody." We hope the melody is "Breakdown" featuring Bones Thugs-N-Harmony. (Click headline for full-size image.) More »

aroma therapy

We Love The Smell Of Celebrity Baby In The Morning

The Washington Post reports that a jewelry, fashion, and fragrance designer with a background in human-rights law named Symine Salimpour has a new scent called Shiloh. She began developing the fragrance more than a year before Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt bestowed that name upon their daughter. Last year, Jolie filed a legal challenge to block the use of the name, but dropped the charge about a month ago. So, what does Shiloh smell like? "It is a complex fragrance," a writer explains. "The forward notes, the ones that hit your nose first, are cedar wood and patchouli. Rising above that earthy base are delicious whiffs of citrus (thanks to a dab of bergamot oil) and rose petals." More »

perfume,

The Ol' Factor: CK Wants You Inside Him, Er... Fuck, He Texted Wrong, He Meant In 2 U

Once in awhile, by which we mean every Thursday about midway through of the New York Times, a story comes along that is so reedick, on so many levels, its preposterousness reaches a realm of stupidity we'll call metatextual, which is a word we learned (and forgot) back when we were studying for the SATs, which was — yeah, wait for it — the last time we thought about CK One, the apparently revolutionary unisex perfume that captured the zeitgeist and the paradigm shift, the hope and the dreams of a Generation called X: More »