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Leftovers
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Leftovers
Octocock V. Boobiverse: Screw Faceless People But Wrap It Up
This is one of two French AIDS-prevention advertisements to win a Bronze medal at the Cannes International Advertising Festival (click the picture to see this and the one with a dude writ, um, large). The tag line: "Explore. Just protect yourself." Although the tongues in the female version are non-gender specific, the advertisement for a man contains a female face that looks like a blow-up doll, several obviously feminine mouths and genitalia that looks way more like a pocket pussy than a woman being as it lacks legs (or hair) for context, but no obvious visual references to anal sex (or non-gendered assholes). I guess a man's exploring is supposed to be limited to women, but since all women are supposedly a little bi and it's less "gross," the tongues don't have to obviously be dudes'. Anyway, we're mostly trying to figure if the pictures are erotic or weird, or both. Vive la France! [Salon]
The Long And The Short Of It
Supposedly, this is a chart that marks women's penis size preference, in girth and length. According to this, some women find dicks 7.5" in circumference enjoyable. 7.5" inches is mad large, yo. Either those women don't have a good grip on measurements or they find something like stumping to be enjoyable. (Click image to view full chart.) [Buzzfeed]
crap blog post from a dude
Ah, Yes, The Boys Club And Their "Humor"
Earlier today, Tracie posted a clip of Barbara Walters talking about Hillary's butt and why, given her body type, she should (and happens to) wear pants. Not only were the comments wrong about what would or would not be most flattering on Hillary (Moe and I are, I believe, on record as stating that Hillary would look nice in a skirt suit or two), it was also not really a nice (or accurate) thing to say. According to the writers at Comedy Central, pointing that out makes us "vaginas." Ha-ha-fucking-ha. Join me in my rage after the jump. More »
clips
Related: Knob [Urban Dictionary]
The Ladies Of The View Gag On Penis Jokes
"I spent the day searching for knobs," Joy Behar explains. "I don't want to go online because I like to feel my knob." "You have to touch the knob, you have to grab the knob," Elisabeth Hasselbeck concurs. Whoopi, always a shit-stirrer, claims, "You must bite the knob." Those gals on the View were giddy about gonads today, right? Or were we just reading into things? Clip above.Related: Knob [Urban Dictionary]
leftovers
Strippers Lose Jobs To The Internet • The Simpsons Are Back on Venezuelan TV
Print journalists aren't the only ones losing jobs, strippers feel the burden of the digital age. • Iranian says Barbies are "destructive" and must be stopped. • Incarcerated 400-pound man loses 100 pounds, sues county for underfeeding. • Six conservative women talk about dating whiny liberal men. • Two teenagers are jailed for life for killing a goth woman. • Mexicans try to quell the anti-emo riots by promoting diversity among teens. • Lourdes basically has the coolest mom hand-me-downs to pick from. • National Lampoon launches website to rate prostitutes. • Scientists just realize that periods are awesome, can repair hearts. • American Family Association attack soap on lackluster gay kiss. • An ironically long article on shorthand text speak, lol grwn ups r so lam3! • The Simpsons are back in Venezuela! • Baseball star Roger Clemens had a relationship with Mindy McCready when she was 15 years old (he was 28 and married). • Easy mistake to make: Woman attacks boyfriend, thinking he is a porn actor. • "Chinese eatery specializes in penis." That is all you need to know.
"I wanted to fit into American culture. When you're circumcised, there's less rejection from women," says one man to the Los Angeles Times. Once again, the topic of adult circumcision is on people's, er, lips and a new study basically concludes that circumcised guys experience just as much sexual satisfaction as uncircumcised ones. But apparently dick status anxiety still abounds. Seriously: Is any lady rejecting a guy because he has a turtleneck? We simply refuse to believe ladies are kicking dudes out of bed when they see that their penises come wrapped up, too. [LATimes]
test drives
Sexual Chocolate: Testing The Clone-A-Willy Kit
Clone-A-Willy kits enable you to make penis-shaped chocolate pops, candles, or soap from a mold you create out of a real-live boner. I've used a DIY dildo kit before, but the dildo it made was so fucking disgusting looking — all pock-marked like Edward James Olmos — and it smelled like it would give me cancer. But it didn't matter because I don't even ever masturbate with dildos anyway. The Clone-a-Willy kits, however, make products that I can at least put to good use. So the other week, I ordered all three of those kits, plus some Clone-a-Pussy kits to make vulva chocolate and last night, invited a friend (and his penis) over to help me out. (Some stuff after the jump NSFW.) More »
size matters
Posh Spice Likes Big Cocks, Small Frocks
The Spice Girls and designer Roberto Cavalli — who created the costumes for the group's reunion tour — were interviewed by Suzy Menkes for the International Herald Tribune yesterday. The girls discussed which of the designs they loved, with Ginger and Baby praising Cavalli for designing clothing for women with curves and Menkes agreeing it was good that there was no size zero in the group. Posh quickly replied, "I am a size zero. I don't mind being a size zero." Then Menkes asked Posh what she thinks about her husband David Beckham's underwear billboard ads. "I'm proud to see his penis about 25 feet tall. It looks great! It's huge." Oh, Posh! Without you, the Spice Girls be kinda bland.
prime cuts
Thai Women Cut Cocks Because Murder "Isn't Enough"
"Penis slashing" — when women cut or sever a penis — is so common in Thailand that surgeons there have actually become world-renowned specialists for penis-reattachment. According to a psychotherapist in Agence France-Presse clip above, Thailand's male-dominated society leaves wronged women few options to assert their rights, so for revenge, they hit men where it hurts. It's a bit difficult to understand what the surgeon is saying, because of his accent, but from what we gather it's this: After a woman cuts off a ween, she often buries it and covers it with sand. But sometimes she'll chop it into little pieces [Jesus Christ. -Ed.], in which case, doctors have to build a new one from scratch... for which they can't guarantee function.
Thai Surgeons Deal With Craze of Cheating-Lover Penis Slashings by Angry Women [Breitbart]
Related: Don't Be Scared to Circumcise Your Baby Boy [U.S. News]
members only
Circumcision: Some Things You Can't (Or Maybe Shouldn't) Put Back
In a follow up to the great snip-or-don't-snip debate last week, I stupidly read an article from Time magazine about the inactivist movement and proceeded to do some follow-up research. My conclusion? The way that men will mutilate themselves for sex is rivaled only by the way women will. Basically, there's a whole political (and otherwise) movement out there to keep wee little babies from having their foreskins removed and to help men rediscover the joys of a foreskin-full life. They claim that involuntary circumcision is a civil rights violation (which, honestly, is one of those hyperboles in political activism that I think does one's cause more harm than good in the public eye, but, whatevs). More »
members only
Would You Like Your Penis Wrapped Or Unwrapped? Circumcision In Crisis!
In his new humorous memoir The Foreskin's Lament, writer/NPR darling Shalom Auslander writes about his torment deciding whether or not to have his son circumcised. Auslander's concerns are both that of a parent and a Jew unsure of the meaning of ritual, especially one that involves bringing a razor blade to a baby's penis. Auslander isn't the only one worried about on penile stylings: Recently, an activist movement has sprung up to help save foreskins everywhere. Folks calling themselves "intactivists" believe that a proper penis is one left untouched by a mohel (or friendly doctor)'s knife. (There are also increasing numbers of adults choosing to undergo the process, but that's a whole other story.) Think of the fiercest pro-choice protester you can imagine — my body, my self, my choice! — only pumped up with a shot of testosterone. More »
the lady bunch
Heidi Klum Tells Oprah About Seal's Giant Black Cock
I've come to realize that there are six basic elements upon which all the lady talk shows are based: food, sex, gay men, crazies, Joy Behar's vagina, and Tyra's weave. Oddly, I'm not deterred by any of these, and in fact, I find them really engaging. This week, Tyra and The View both had Lance Bass on their couches to promote his book Out of Sync, his story about coming out of the closet as a gay man. Tyra was the only one with the balls to ask him if he had a crush on her. It's like, "Duh, Tyra. He said he likes dudes not...drag queens." Heidi Klum and Seal went on Oprah to discuss how perfect their lives are. Oprah asked them when they first knew they were in love and Heidi said she knew the minute she met him—because he was wearing bicycle shorts and she could see how big his dick was. No joke. After the jump, crazy people! More »
mild penis envy
How To Pee Standing Up
The only time we've felt penis envy is while peeing at, you know, rock festivals or in campgrounds or any place where there are 1) no bathrooms or 2) disgusting PortaPotties. But we've just learned about the existence of the The P-Mate, a simple, ingenious little waxed-paper device designed to allow women to urinate while standing up and while wearing pants, skirts, dresses... whatever. Think of it as a lime-green colored surrogate penis that resembles a paper airplane. Anyway, lucky for us, a blogger named Rachel Walden gave the P-Mate a test drive, and conducted three tests — in zippered jeans, a long skirt, and while drunk! — and had a pretty easy time in each instance. In fact, mastering the point 'n shoot was easier than she thought it would be! More »
penis envy
