I Don't Want to See This
On Tuesday, Jon Hamm’s penis once again made its parameters known. Can I just say, “No thank you.”
Butt What About Accidental Anal?
Do you have a vagina and a butt? Here’s a thought experiment for you to participate in: Imagine you’re a virgin, unless you are a virgin, in which case imagine you are yourself just as you are.
The All-Caps Words in The Daily Mail's Headlines Have Taught Me to Love LIFE Again
Because life is suffering and joy is where you find it, I want to just take a moment to salute the selective-to-the-point-of-being-nonsensical capitalization that’s been happening in headlines on the website of the UK paper The Daily Mail. While the Mail needs no help achieving ridiculousness, these headlines push the…
After 23 Years, John Bobbitt Is Ready to Talk About His Penis
You remember John Bobbitt: The man whose wife, Lorena, chopped off his penis while he was sleeping and, in a panic, threw it out her car window into a grassy field. That guy!
An Alleged Rapist Is Claiming His Penis Was Too Small to Commit Assault
Jacques “Porkchop” Rouschop is a Canadian man being held on charges of sexual assault in Ottawa. On Thursday, his attorney, Natasha Calvinho, submitted a new defense, claiming his penis was simply too small for him to have committed the crime.
NBA Star Draymond Green Sends Out Dick Pic On Snapchat, Apologizes [NSFW]
Draymond Green’s long summer of cock and balls-related controversy—he kneed Steven Adams in the dick, swiped at LeBron’s dick, and acted like a dick—continues unabated. Earlier today, amidst pictures of Melo sleeping and general Team USA shenanigans, an artfully crafted dick pic showed up on Green’s public Snapchat My…
Hitler's Dick Was All Fucked Up
When my grandfather was a young boy, he fled his home in Vienna to escape the Holocaust and arrived in New York City with not much more than his wood fiber pants, which had comically shrunken after getting soaked with salt water on the trip over. He would learn English, join the U.S. Army, earn his B.A. and Ph.D. in…
Harvard's Marching Band Spells Out 'PENIS' on the Field, Harvard Still Loses Football Game
Nothing pumps up a crowd like a good marching band interlude, and nothing pumps up a marching band like a surreptitious and possibly accidental statement of virility.
Watch The Affair's Pretty Hilarious Full-Frontal Peen Scene
The Affair, an excellent show about the nuances and complications of infidelity and self-identity interspersed with fuckloads of sex scenes, commenced its second season last night, expanding its two-person perspective to four by including the viewpoints of spurned spouses Helen and Cole.
Man Born Without a Dick Says Doctors May 'Build a Penis' Out of His Arm
Don’t call it a comeback. Andrew Wardle of Greater Manchester is 40 years old, has had a girlfriend for the last three years, and was born with an abnormality that left him with an external bladder and a missing penis.
Norway Warns Public About Chlamydia With Giant Glitter-Spraying Dick
The campaign is titled Penis Can Surprise You and can only be described as “modern avant-garde creepy-as-fuck.” But what else can you do to get noticed, asks a Norway sexual health charity, when the people who most need your advertisement about chlamydia aren’t paying attention to more traditional forms of public…
World's First Penis Transplant Has Already Gotten Someone Pregnant
But how was the sex?
Brooklyn Pageant On the Search for Small Dicks
If anyone knows of a micropeen whose dream is to sashay around on a stage, showing off their goods or lack thereof, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is looking for eligible contestants for its third annual competition. In a society where gigantic meat cannons are the ones usually celebrated, the pageant is a…
Yorkshire Poet to Throw Britain's First Teeny Tiny Penis Party
Men who have small penises are prone to anxiety about their body image and their performance. That's why a Yorkshire poet by the name of Ant Smith is throwing a party to celebrate tiny peens of all shapes and sizes. He's charging people admission based on their length—the shorter the dick, the smaller the entry fee.
Florida Teen With Football-Shaped Dick Has World's First Penis Reduction
Being a teen isn't easy; being a teen with a giant penis and unexpected instances of priapism? Well, that's just downright hellacious. For an unnamed teen, every day with a giant penis was a nightmare, preventing him from wearing pants or doing everyday activities. So he got it cut down.
Well, Here's Another Man Who Paints Pictures With His Penis
We've already introduced you to the Danish man who used his dong to create a rather striking imitation of Kim Kardashian's butt-baring Paper cover. Well, here's another man, an Australian who wears a giant pink top hat, calls himself "Pricasso" and yes, also paints with his dick. Gotta say, his style isn't quite so…
Swedes Are Going Nuts For This Kids' Song About Genitals
It goes "snippity, snippity, snippity snop" and you will never be able to get it out of your head. Not even when you learn that the translated lyrics are: "The vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly."
How Will You Keep Your Vagina Young in 2015?
I don't know you, but I have no doubt you've got self-improvement goals on the docket for 2015. One you may have overlooked while busy going off sugar or increasing overall beauty by 12 to 18 percent is the fact that your vagina is aging faster than you can say cascading wizard sleeve. What to do?
Can You Draw an Anatomically Correct Penis? An Experiment
In a recent online experiment, a woman asked a group of men to draw medically accurate vaginas to make a point: If men don't even know basic facts about female anatomy, how can they legislate it? They failed miserably. But how might women do at sketching medically accurate peen? We decided to conduct our own…
Artist Breaks Internet Again With Penis-Drawn Kim Kardashian Portrait
In the words of one editor: "But really, aren't we all just portraits painted by a penis?" #Poignant.
