Apple Will Engrave 'Penis' on Your iPad but Not 'Vagina' or 'Clit'

Today in absolutely fucking absurd and transparent gender bias rooted in the widespread male terror of women's mysterious, swampy genitals, Apple apparently refuses to engrave "vagina" or "clit" on anyone's iPad! You can, however, get "penis" or "dick" permanently etched into your electronics with no trouble… » 7/09/14 7:00pm Wednesday 7:00pm

Here's a Movie About a Detachable Penis That Turns Into a Man

In theaters May 2 but streaming now on Video On Demand for your viewing pleasure is Bad Johnson, a movie that stars Cam Gigandet as a man whose penis magically comes off his body and turns into a walking, talking, real, honest-to-goodness human man. (Feel free to allow a moment for your head to fall off your body from… » 4/21/14 2:46pm 4/21/14 2:46pm

Can Penises Get Stuck Inside Vaginas? MAYBE!

Well, this is terrifying. If you've ever wondered whether (private) parts can get stuck inside each other during sex (I have! Because I am always thinking about scary things: sex mishaps, the eventual heat death of the universe, etc.) then you can safely tell yourself that yes it can happen, but it probably won't.… » 1/04/14 6:45pm 1/04/14 6:45pm

Book Claims JD Salinger's One Ball Drove Him to a Life of Seclusion

You can tell a lot about a man by his balls. If a man has two healthy balls, he's all robust and manly and world-take-over-y. If he has only one, he is a half-man, like the half man on Two and a Half Men. But rather than star on the world's shittiest television show, one famous one balled half man opted to withdraw… » 9/04/13 7:15pm 9/04/13 7:15pm

Female HBO Viewers Demand More Dong

Breast enthusiasts can always rely on HBO's primetime programming to deliver all sorts of boobie shots — top boob. Underboob. Side boob. Areolas of all shapes and sizes. Nip slips. Bouncing boobs. Still boobs. Boobs just, kinda hanging out in the background. One boob, two boobs, red boobs, blue boobs. But male actors… » 8/14/13 5:30pm 8/14/13 5:30pm

Don't Let All Those Dick Pics Go To Waste -- Make a Calendar!

I got another dick pic yesterday. And I have to say, this one wasn’t bad. Usually, the pics I get remind me of scenes from TREMORS, but this one was back lit with some soft afternoon light. Fine. Still, I felt the same way I do when I get a present from my mother. I pretend to act excited, and say things like “Oh!… » 8/01/13 11:50am 8/01/13 11:50am

No Uncircumcised Man Will Ever Know the True Pleasure of a Blow Job

Writing for The Atlantic this week, Shawnee Barton explores the topic that keeps on giving – male circumcision – writing about how she and her husband (SPOILER) came to the decision to not circumcise their son, a boy who will become a man who will surely be very happy to realize one day that a general idea of what… » 7/30/13 2:45pm 7/30/13 2:45pm

Good News: We Finally Know the Real Average Penis Size

As Betty Everett famously sang, "If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his dick. That's where it is." Wait. Those aren't the lyrics. Are they? (Note: I'm kind of hungover.) At any rate, this is a post about cocks. Specifically, a new study that proves forever beyond a mushroom shaped shadow of doubt that men… » 7/12/13 1:30pm 7/12/13 1:30pm

The Latest Penis Thing: Tiny Diapers for the Tip of Your Penis

Penises are hard to take care of. They like, poke around in weird angles and dudes have to constantly adjust them without anyone noticing. I have no idea if this is actually true because I don't possess a penis, but I assume it must be at least a little cumbersome to have a floppy thing coming out of your crotch.… » 7/11/13 1:30pm 7/11/13 1:30pm

Neighbors Really Hate Arizona Man’s Giant Gargoyle Cock Sculpture

A man in Arizona may be forced to take down the nine-foot, hatchet-wielding gargoyle statue standing in his otherwise empty front yard because his neighbors have complained about the gargoyle’s magnificent thighs, buttocks, and penis, all clearly visible to the casual passerby. That’s right, folks — gargoyles can be… » 6/06/13 10:30pm 6/06/13 10:30pm

Jury Convicts Woman for Tossing Husband’s Penis in the Garbage Disposal

Earlier on Monday, a jury in Santa Ana, Calif. convicted Catherine Kieu of torture and aggravated mayhem for severing her estranged husband’s penis and tossing it in the garbage disposal (the pit of cringes, for all those cinephiles who sat through Final Destination 2) back on July 11, 2011. » 4/29/13 8:35pm 4/29/13 8:35pm

Here's Every Single Penis in the American Museum of Natural History

Have you been to the American Museum of Natural History lately? Like, as a grownup? It'll make you feel like a kid again, if only because all the nudity will lower your maturity level significantly. Seriously, the place puts more dick in your face than a glory hole on Christopher Street. It really seems to emphasize… » 1/29/13 5:20pm 1/29/13 5:20pm

Very Phallic Vintage Ads Prove Agencies Were Thinking With Their Dicks

Copyranter posted seven phallic ads in his column on Buzzfeed, and each one is worse than the next. It would be nice to construct some in-depth commentary about visual literacy and subliminal messages, but all I can think is They knew what this looked like, right? And someone still gave it the green light? I mean,… » 11/26/12 6:45pm 11/26/12 6:45pm