BREAKING: Here's Uncensored Video of Seal-on-Penguin Copulation

Scientists have just returned from studying king penguins and they've learned quite a bit. In fact, they brought you a souvenir video. Please enjoy this lesson about the seals and the penguins. (And how incredibly cruel the animal kingdom can be and also feel inspired to do something different tomorrow; something that… » 11/17/14 9:00pm 11/17/14 9:00pm

Clumsy Penguins Stumble and Fall for Maniacal Human Delight

Oh penguins! They are nature's most adorable clumsy walker. All dressed up in their little tuxedos and stumbling around all over the ice and snow, they look just like a gaggle of old drunk Dudley Moores in Arthur*. All they need is a little martini glass and a spry 80's Liza Minnelli to chase after and the whole… » 12/23/13 10:30pm 12/23/13 10:30pm

Busy Philipps Makes a Penguin Birthday Cake for a Two Year Old and Not…

How much more awesome is Busy Philipps now that you know she's also a professional cake maker? Like, we would probably pay $50 for that cake, it looks better than a lot of Cake Boss' cakes, and he's an actual cake boss! It would be a shame if Philipps left the entertainment business because she's a constant delight,… » 1/28/13 10:15pm 1/28/13 10:15pm

Sunday Sign-Off: Jingle Penguins Are Adorable, Mildly Annoying

Some rough footage of penguins screeching tonelessly has been edited to make it sound as if the penguins are screeching "Jingle Bells." I guess the San Francisco Zoo gets an "A" for effort, but this cacophony would sound very different (read: horrible) in the natural world, which is just God's little reminder to us… » 12/16/12 6:30pm 12/16/12 6:30pm

Adorable Penguin Couple Has Been Holding Wings for 16 Years

Pretty much everyone loves penguins. Scientists love penguins because penguins make for revealing studies about the health of our simmering oceans. Lovers love penguins because penguins remind them of the enduring power of mutually faithful monogamy. Tuxedos love penguins because, with those peculiarly flightless… » 11/18/12 1:00pm 11/18/12 1:00pm

The Sexual Depravity of Adelie Penguins Is One of Science’s Dirtiest…

Anybody who really enjoyed Happy Feet and the Morgan Freeman lullaby March of the Penguins should probably stop reading this post before learning that male Adelie penguins are depraved little sex gremlins and British naturalists have been sitting in their mahogany clubhouses, drinking Scotch and dryly mocking our… » 6/09/12 2:30pm 6/09/12 2:30pm

Newt Gingrich Bitten by Penguin Egged on by the Liberal Media

I'm just going to cut to the chase here: on Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. And just for fun, let's see that sentence again: On Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. Rumor has it, that penguin is now on Mitt… » 4/16/12 7:00pm 4/16/12 7:00pm

Adorable Space Census of Penguins Shows that there Are a Lot of Penguins

While you were flouting your civic duties by letting your census packet languish on your coffee table, Antarctica's dutiful emperor penguins waddled around the ice in a more or less organized group so that a satellite could take their picture and scientists could count them. The results of this new penguin census are… » 4/14/12 11:30am 4/14/12 11:30am

Dachshunds Also Get Really Excited About Penguins

In the long pantheon of things dogs get irrationally excited about, mechanized penguins might be one of the best simply because a mechanized penguin behaves pretty much exactly like a real penguin, i.e. it shuffles around, keeping its useless wings plastered to its body. This video, therefore, either shows that… » 3/17/12 4:30pm 3/17/12 4:30pm