Paul Ryan Once Again Sponsors the Bill That Would Make It Possible for …

Well, if Paul Ryan does run in 2016, we know he'll be going full speed with the crazy, making it impossible for him to win, and Hillary will be president, and then everyone will win. Well, except for the American politics, which has been stripped of the effective multiple-party system it needs to evolve and thrive. » 1/11/13 12:25pm 1/11/13 12:25pm

Americans Way More Interested in Paul Ryan's Naked, Heaving Chest Than…

Every computer using human needs another human who has agreed to delete their Google search history in the event of their untimely death. Unfortunately for the American public, however, while we're all still alive, there are analysts busily receiving our collective search engine data and trying to figure out what the… » 10/22/12 7:10pm 10/22/12 7:10pm

Paul Ryan Appeals to Much-Needed Women Voters By Mocking War on Women

The Presidential race is getting pretty horse-racey in the waning days before the election, and both candidates and their running mates are furiously touring Ohio, Florida, and Colorado trying to convince people to vote for them. Today, Paul Ryan included an hilarious new bit of jokemaking in a speech to donors at a… » 10/19/12 7:15pm 10/19/12 7:15pm

New Mitt Romney Ad Just Straight Up Lies About his Position on Abortion

Unprincipled perennial panderer Mitt Romney is really digging in deep in the final weeks before November 6, going after every last vote with the zeal of a Howard Hughes-style crazy billionaire trying to fly an airplane to space. And as time runs out on the election season, his campaign has gotten more desperate — so… » 10/17/12 7:15pm 10/17/12 7:15pm

Friday Night Lights Creator Writes Letter Demanding Mitt Romney Stop…

A newly invigorated Mitt Romney has been springing joyously along the campaign trail in recent days armed with a slight poll bounce and a brand new campaign slogan: "Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose." Which would be a great, fresh take on quixotic optimism if that were an original Romney joint rather than something he … » 10/12/12 3:20pm 10/12/12 3:20pm

10 Reasons You Should Have Watched the Vice Presidential Debate Last…

Pundits are calling it "lively," but what last night's Vice Presidential debate really was — was hilarious. It had everything a political hatewatcher could want from a televised argument between two dudes — Joe Biden's incurable case of the giggleshouts, moderator Martha Raddatz's oh no she DIDN'T scimitar questions,… » 10/12/12 11:30am 10/12/12 11:30am

Whoops, Says Lindsay Lohan—My Mom Totally WASN'T on Cocaine and It's…

It's a classic mistake! I can't tell you the number of times I've accidentally phoned my dad at 4 am to let him know that my mom was the devil and that she'd kidnapped me in a cocaine-fueled rampage and that he should call the police—only to realized later that my mom was actually just catching up on Reader's Digest… » 10/11/12 8:45pm 10/11/12 8:45pm

Get Totally Ripped With Our Vice-Presidential Debate Workout Game For…

If you attempted to play our Presidential Debate Drinking Game for Ladies last week, you ended the 90-minute ordeal both sober and bewildered. Which is probably for the best — alcohol is bad for you and interferes with your ability to run sub-3 hour marathons or curl 25 pound dumbbells while wearing a jauntily inverted … » 10/11/12 6:15pm 10/11/12 6:15pm

Storage Ad Reminds Us That Paul Ryan’s Face Is a Storage Unit for Bad…

Here we have an ad for Manhattan Mini Storage, which seems to really capture the spirit of the age while offering precious little information about how wonderful storing things with Manhattan Mini Storage can be. Maybe it means that we shouldn't store all those Paul Ryan mistakes in our hearts, that, you know, Paul… » 9/30/12 12:30pm 9/30/12 12:30pm

Paul Ryan Promises to Undo Contraception Mandate, Be Awesome at Space…

As part of his ongoing effort to make sure that as few women vote for Mitt Romney as possible, Paul Ryan told the fine people of Orlando who'd spoiled their Saturdays by listening to Paul Ryan brag about how many times he'd ridden Tower of Terror that he would remove the Affordable Care Act's "contraception mandate",… » 9/23/12 12:00pm 9/23/12 12:00pm

Want Welfare in New Mexico? Better Be Ready to Prove You Were 'Forcibly …

Time to woefully set the giant "DAYS SINCE SOMEONE IN THE GOVERNMENT SAID SOMETHING ASININE ABOUT RAPE" sign back to 0. It seems that the state of New Mexico is trying to limit certain state aid to only women who can prove their child is the result of "forcible rape." Not that other, less awful sort of rape that ladies… » 9/20/12 6:15pm 9/20/12 6:15pm

Republican National Convention Attendees Sure Love Sugar Daddy…

The 2012 GOP is a party that promises to return America to the imaginary 1950's white guy wonderland that only ever existed on the teevee, so it's no wonder one might find among its ranks individuals interested in relationships that adhere to, shall we say, antiquated models. Relationships where not only does the man… » 9/04/12 5:20pm 9/04/12 5:20pm

Sarah Palin Ran a Faster Marathon Than Libertarian Macho Man Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan lying about how fast he ran a marathon is kind of pathetic in the way the kid who lies and says his dad's an astronaut who lives on the moon when his dad's really an insurance salesman who lives in Ohio is pathetic. It's sad. It's unbecoming. And I guess it doesn't have much to do with politics — until you… » 9/04/12 4:20pm 9/04/12 4:20pm

Ugh, Fuck This: Lessons of the RNC

I'm sure Tampa, Florida is a lovely city when it isn't flooded with thousands of people in business casual sweating their asses off as they schlep around in 90 degree heat. It must be a pleasant place to be sometimes, when the whole city proper isn't overrun with every cop in Florida outfitted in Ranger Rick khakis and … » 8/31/12 11:30am 8/31/12 11:30am

Why Lying Is Bad: A Primer for Confused Republicans

Yesterday at the Republican National Convention in Florida, vice-presidential nominee Paul Ryan got up and made a rousing speech about democracy and the future and why President Obama is a great big bozo who's pooping in America's mouth and calling it the warmed-up Tootsie Roll of Freedom. Ryan talked all about all the … » 8/30/12 5:00pm 8/30/12 5:00pm