My Dad Wrote a Porno Is the Thanksgiving Conversation Topic You've Been Waiting For

If your family Thanksgiving dinner fills you with dread and your relatives don’t like Adele enough to turn off their racist ranting to sing along to “Hello,” there’s a new and exciting thing to discuss with them over your Butterball—a podcast entitled My Dad Wrote a Porno, which is, as you might have guessed, about a… »Tuesday 4:05pm11/24/15 4:05pm


An Excellent Argument for Cutting Toxic Parents Out of Your Wedding

It is a truth universally acknowledged that choosing who to invite to your wedding is about as pleasant as having your teeth drilled into dust by a sadistic dentist with a dull and rusty bit. But while deciding whether the cousins you haven’t seen for 15 years should get a save-the-date is difficult, it’s even more… »10/02/15 11:50am10/02/15 11:50am

Tell Us About the Most Mortifying Thing Your Parents Have Ever Done 

When you’re a kid and teenager, it often feels like your parents—those annoying, uncool jerks who put their blood, sweat, and tears into raising you and giving you a happy life—have but one singular goal: to embarrass you as much as possible. In this week’s Pissing Contest, we’re talking about the times when our folks… »8/21/15 6:00pm8/21/15 6:00pm

I Went to a Simulated Teen Drinking Party and It Freaked Me the Fuck Out

I’m far from the target audience for the simulated teen drinking party I attended last weekend—that audience being freaked-out parents who want to see what really goes on at the hormone-fueled ragers their children are just starting to attend—but let me start by saying that the whole thing was very effective. I was… »5/04/15 3:45pm5/04/15 3:45pm

Nightmare Parents Write Letter About Baby's Nightmare Birthday Party

There are lots of things to put into a baby’s memory book: Their first smile, their first step, their first time throwing up all over your back. And now, thanks to the magic of the internet, one baby will have something extra special to remind them how wonderful their parents were: A batshit birthday invite that… »4/17/15 1:10pm4/17/15 1:10pm

How Do You Discipline a Child in the Post-Hitting Era?

American children are a bunch of spoiled brats. You've likely heard the refrain repeated for years now, and new verses are always being added. A couple years ago Elizabeth Kolbert's widely shared New Yorker article "Spoiled Rotten" remarked that, "With the exception of the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty and… »3/06/15 12:10pm3/06/15 12:10pm

Bride Gets Back at Awful Parents With Brilliant Burn of a Wedding Invite

Say you're getting married and don't want to invite your parents due to the abuse they visited upon you as a child. And say those same parents are now bullying you for an invitation. What do you do? If you're this bride, you send them an invitation that's so acid-dipped that you can feel the burn from here. »2/16/15 9:45pm2/16/15 9:45pm