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Obama Will Not Speak at Malia’s Graduation Because He Is ‘Going to Cry’

During a lunch in Detroit on Wednesday, President Obama told guests he refused a request to speak at his daughter Malia’s high school graduation because he’ll be too busy crying. “Malia’s school asked if I wanted to speak at commencement and I said no,” the president explained. “I’m going to be wearing dark glasses…

My Dad Wrote a Porno Is the Thanksgiving Conversation Topic You've Been Waiting For

If your family Thanksgiving dinner fills you with dread and your relatives don’t like Adele enough to turn off their racist ranting to sing along to “Hello,” there’s a new and exciting thing to discuss with them over your Butterball—a podcast entitled My Dad Wrote a Porno, which is, as you might have guessed, about a…

An Excellent Argument for Cutting Toxic Parents Out of Your Wedding

It is a truth universally acknowledged that choosing who to invite to your wedding is about as pleasant as having your teeth drilled into dust by a sadistic dentist with a dull and rusty bit. But while deciding whether the cousins you haven’t seen for 15 years should get a save-the-date is difficult, it’s even more…

Bride Gets Back at Awful Parents With Brilliant Burn of a Wedding Invite

Say you're getting married and don't want to invite your parents due to the abuse they visited upon you as a child. And say those same parents are now bullying you for an invitation. What do you do? If you're this bride, you send them an invitation that's so acid-dipped that you can feel the burn from here.