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Oprah: When Love Addiction Morphs Into Sex Addiction
Oprah's "Steamy" New Project
Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
Oprah: 25 Years Of Screaming Celebrities' Names
Gabby Sidibe's Emotional Audition For Precious
Oprah's Explanation For Ending Her Show
Amy's Implants Are Leaking; Mariah Is Demanding Kittens
Punch Back In Anger: Palin Supporters Send Pissed-Off Emails
Palin Admits She's A "Quitter," Never Went To Hockey Games
Kristen Meets Rob's Parents; Levi Talks About His "Alaskan Pipeline"

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veronykah
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah: When Love Addiction Morphs Into Sex Addiction
Watching that and reading these posts makes me not feel so great.
I've had relationships with men that I completely obsess about, the last one was a total of 3 months, he broke it off and I still think about him...its been nearly 2 years since I've seen or heard from him. And he was the exact same guy as the first guy I had a relationship with who I also obsessed about for ages after we broke up.
I am COMPLETELY and ABSOLUTELY attracted to men that incapable of having a real relationship. As I tell my friends, if he's a HUGE douche, I'll fall in love with him, matter of fact, I'll pick him out from across the room as the guy I'm attracted to.
I've now not had ANY sort of relationship since that last guy and seeing things like Sex Rehab and reading posts here makes me wonder WTF I can do about it.
I'm completely aware of it but how in the F does one change what they are attracted to?
I meet nice guys but I have ZERO interest in intimacy or sex with them.
Sad.
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Adah
11/23/09

@veronykah: I had the "bad boy" fetish until a couple of years ago. What finally worked for me in breaking it was to bite the bullet and get into a relationship with a guy I was mildly attracted to and really good friends with. All of a sudden, being in this long term, caring relationship made him a lot more attractive to me. I guess I started to learn that the relationship is the beginning of your interaction with this person, not the end result you are striving towards. It taught me to open up my eyes to different types of men. Try to start dating a variety of different men, and think of the "boyfriend goal" as not a goal, but a learning experience. If you don't like a guy after dating him for a month, give it up. But don't rule someone out when they first ask you on a first date.
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rmric0.wedding.photographer.and.manny
11/23/09

@veronykah: I think that recognizing that there is a pattern is a good first step.

I'm not sure if it rises to the level of requiring some kind of therapy, but if you think that it's unhealthy or hurtful it certainly could help to talk to a professional about the issue and see if there is something that you can do.

Don't feel too badly, it's normal to want what you can't have and want something grand and powerful (and to hope that your love will be returned if you just do the right thing or say the right words). I mean I could be off base.
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veronykah
11/23/09

@#c17059814:31 @whoneedslight: The weird part is I had a relationship that wasn't with a bad boy or someone I obsessed over, I lived with a boyfriend for 4 years, but when we finlly broke up [I wouldn't marry him] I went straight for Mr. SO Wrong and fell in love with him instantly. It made me realize I didn't even really like the guy I was "sort of" attracted to and lived with for 4 years. I could care less about that dude to this day. I broke off everything with him and consider that relationship the only regret of my life.
Whenever I've tried to get into a relationship with someone who doesn't knock me on my ass when I first meet them I get disgusted with them and pretty much cut everything off and almost hate them after the fact. Its like trying to drink wine when you haven't acquired the taste for it, no matter what you do its never good.
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Edited by veronykah at 11/23/09 10:26 PM veronykah was starred veronykah was unstarred

Vivi21
11/24/09

@Adah: This. I had the same problem, and then I started dating a guy that I wasn't initially extremely attracted to (although I have always thought he's cute in a non-conventional way). I've been seeing him for a few months now, and he treats me like gold. The fact that he is so good to me makes him that much more attractive, and I value him more and more every day. There's something to be said for dating a nice guy :)
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MissN
11/24/09

@veronykah: Fake it til you make it. That's what my mother did to break her habit of being in relationships with abusive men. She had to recondition herself to be not only demand to be treated well, but to be ATTRACTED to it as well. That said, she had the help of a therapist. Perhaps it's something you should think about too.
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Giao Nguyễn
11/24/09

@veronykah: Have you considered that you may not want a relationship at all? That maybe the whole relationship is just a social construct you talked yourself into having because er … of some … reason?

Exhibit A: You aren't interested in guys who wants to have a relationship.

Exhibit B: You are very interested in guys who are incapable of having a relationship.

There ain't nothing wrong with a fling that stays just that.
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veronykah
11/24/09

@Giao Nguyễn: That would be great if it were true. However, I find out these guys have these traits AFTER I've fallen for them hard.
When I meet someone and really like them, I want them to be MINE.
I very rarely find some attractive enough to want to be with them so when I do I definitely want a relationship, the idea of a guy I'm sleeping with being with anyone else is like a knife to the chest.
I WISH I could just have fuck buddies or flings, I think it would be better for me mentally, as I've gotten older I have realized I am not capable of that.
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veronykah
11/24/09

@MissN: I'd love to see a therapist, I'm not sure you can find one that is free or very very cheap. I have no insurance and a very sporadic income. Paying for therapy is but a pipe dream.
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veronykah
11/24/09

@Vivi21: I met that guy, he turned out to be the second one that broke my heart and turned out to be an enormous douchbag.
I remember even saying to friends, "I've NEVER been with a guy that is this nice to me. He is amazing."
He turned out to be a complete dick.
My radar is WAY off, or way ON to the same thing whether it be obvious to me or not.
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Scout
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah: When Love Addiction Morphs Into Sex Addiction
I love Dr. Drew. Always have, always will.

...if only I had him as my therapist growing up le sigh
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mcpm
11/24/09

@Scout: I can't believe he's still around. I used to love listening to him on KROQ in high school...a long time ago.
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Scout
11/24/09

@mcpm: KROQ Love Lines! religiously. back when it was him and The Poorman. I'm old and I'm proud!

#tips
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LaComtesse
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah: When Love Addiction Morphs Into Sex Addiction
I happened to catch a couple episodes of this the other day and I thought about posing a question about it here: this is as good a place as any...

So, on the show, one guy was really putting in the work to get better and overcome sex addiction. However, he kept getting indignant/disgusted when, say, a woman's jeans were too low or one woman went into the bathroom to brush her teeth while another was in the shower. His argument was "I'm a sex addict and you're flaunting this in front of me! I have to picture two women in a shower together?"

Now. I understand he has an illness and they're in a place that's supposed to be safe from all of that, but where do you draw the line in accomodating him? It's like, "Yeah, you're a sex addict and I'll respect that but... dude! You're a sex addict: it doesn't take much to trigger you."

Did anyone else see that or have any thoughts?
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sayah
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: I guess it's a coping mechanism for him to place the blame outward? Not that I think he's right.

I feel like the more you work around him, the worse he would get.
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DudleyHeinsbergen
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: Besides telling her to pull up her pants, they really didn't accommodate him too much. I felt like the girl with her tuckus hanging out, was doing it to mess with the guys. She likes to stir the pot, as my Grandma might say. But the other two women were just doing the normal routine, so he just sort of had to deal with it. Like with having the woman around in the facility, part of it is teaching him to deal with those things and NOT be triggered.
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LaComtesse promoted this comment Edited by DudleyHeinsbergen at 11/23/09 8:14 PM DudleyHeinsbergen was starred

LaComtesse
11/23/09

@sayah: I mean, he's obviously a very self-centered person, even if it doubles as self-loathing. I understand that he doesn't understand how normal sexual interactions work yet so he needs to be "programmed" as it were, but I question what the best way to do that is. It's a conundrum.
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midwesternmom
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: They are not supposed to dress provocatively, and CarrieAnn's buttcrack is just another manifestation of her passive-aggressive behavior in the rehab. They are also supposed to avoid all physical contact, so maybe he thinks the showering is too risky? He seems to be legitimately struggling with his impulses, so I took it as a sincere effort to avoid anything that was triggering to him.
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LaComtesse
11/23/09

@DudleyHeinsbergen: @midwesternmom: The buttcrack I agreed with, but that's even just as a "appropriate/inappropriate behavior" moment for HER less so than for him. As for the showering, he didn't seem concerned for THEM: it seemed he was angry that they were "tempting him."
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Edited by LaComtesse at 11/23/09 8:17 PM LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred

sayah
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: I haven't seen the show so these are just my spontaneous thoughts here.

He lives in sex-rehab with women? I would hope there's a plan behind that. Like: better to get angry in controlled environments than out in the real world. Do the have group therapy and talk about this? If he's just holding his feelings in, he's bound to explode and fall back in to old behaviours.
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DudleyHeinsbergen
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: He did seem to blaming them, but he wasn't himself that day. I think the biggest problem with him is from what I've seen is that he's extremely fixated on Amber. He thinks he's in love with her. More so than no being able to deal with the woman showering or whatever, that'll be his biggest problem. He barely knows Amber and his projecting all that onto her, thinking its healthy.
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Edited by DudleyHeinsbergen at 11/23/09 8:33 PM DudleyHeinsbergen was starred

LaComtesse
11/23/09

@sayah: I would imagine that an integrated environment has its benefits, like, you're beginning to see woman as more than just objects. They become actual people with emotions as profound and wounded as yours.

@DudleyHeinsbergen: Yes, as I recall, he was beginning withdrawal that day.
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sayah
11/23/09

@LaComtesse: God, I feel riveted! Must download.
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ItchykooParker
11/24/09

@sayah: YES. The more you accommodate, the worse they get. That is absolutely true. I know from experience.
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sayah
11/24/09

@ItchykooParker: Would you expand on that? *curious*
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ItchykooParker
11/24/09

@sayah: Well, the best way I can put it without writing a term-paper-length screed is this: I was involved with a man with some moderate/serious mental illnesses, which were at the time untreated. The more I tried to accommodate his "needs" (to control his world, including me, etc.), the worse the situation became. The box we existed in got smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

Instead of it helping him become more sane, all the accommodating of his feelings just encouraged his 'craziness', and made me live in a crazy world constructed by his fears and delusions. It's better to live in a sane world than to follow him down the path to insanity. Pull him up (with treatment combined with a refusal to join him in the delusions created by his mental illness), rather than let yourself be dragged down. Or if he won't get help, extricate yourself.

#tips
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sayah
11/24/09

@ItchykooParker: First of all: thanks for your answer! I can relate. How did it end? Did you get help separately?
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TurtleSpeak
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah's "Steamy" New Project
Sweet. I'll probably watch this.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah's "Steamy" New Project
And so original, too.
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funzette
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah's "Steamy" New Project
In other news, Stedman wept silently when he returned home to find a receipt for a chartered jet to LAX and all his stuff in a box to the left.
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Dodai
11/23/09

@funzette: That's basically what I was thinking.
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funzette
11/23/09

@Dodai: I hope the main character's best friend's name is Shayle and the jilted husband's name is Redman.

I also hope they cast Redman as Redman.
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
11/23/09

@funzette: Do you think Oprah is trying to tell the world something? I've been holding on to the hope that she will come out as queer some time soon, but if she's actually been some sort of dominatrix this whole time, I'll definitely settle for that.
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Jacqueline Landreth
11/23/09

@Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.: Man, now I'm going to be scouring Fetlife, looking for Lady Harpo, who will crush the first 500 people in her audience under her heel like the worms they are...
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ihateyourescalade
11/23/09

In reply to Oprah's "Steamy" New Project
Oh, NOprah.
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la.donna.pietra
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
I always thought Jay-Z was a sensible and intelligent dude, and he just keeps confirming it.
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BAngieB
11/22/09

@la.donna.pietra: And you are basing this on what? His lyrics? Read those and then you might rethink that.
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la.donna.pietra
11/22/09

@BAngieB: I was referring to his decision not to pose with Victoria's Secret models, as mentioned above. His lyrics are a whole 'nother ball of wax.
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Lana Leigh loves Meryl Streep
11/22/09

@BAngieB: Besides from his lyrics Jay-Z does seem like an intelligent man and a good partner. Jay-Z is definitely my favorite rapper.
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BAngieB
11/22/09

@Lana Leigh loves Meryl Streep: His lyrics and sexist and misogynistic.

#tips
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JinxyMcDeath
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
It's a pretty well-known fact that the celebrities of Scientology get treated like royalty, while the rest are merely peons, Juliette. Celebrities in Scientology have the $$$, so they don't have to quit their job, get one with the Scientologists, and then devote their entire lives to earning enough money to take courses. Then, the regular folks are trapped because they can't leave without a job and money...Thanks for stopping in and ensuring that we know you're just as ignorant as the rest of them.
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heykoukla
11/22/09

@JinxyMcDeath: B-b-b-but she's in the know, because she did courses! She's not allowed to tell you what the courses were about, or what they taught her about life, or how exactly they changed her, - you know, the rules of Scientology and all that. But you should just take her word for it, she's no blind follower.
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Dictator for Life
11/22/09

@JinxyMcDeath: I was walking in the Upper (East? West? I can't actually remember) Side on my first week in New York, and ran across the Scientology Celebrity Center. I had no idea such a place actually existed. I wanted to take a picture of the sign, but I figured they have cameras that tell them who does that, and they'd send someone to my apartment to delete the photo. So I didn't. But I'm still shocked that the place exists. And has a sign.
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bowleserised
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
Jon Gosselin needs to learn that there's a point in every failing relationship when buying a bunch of flowers is actually an insult.
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Santos L Halper
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
Nothing says "Awesome!" like wearing ripped jeans to divorce court. Yipee!
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CynicalPink
11/22/09

@Santos L Halper: Oh he looks downright classy for some of the courtroom attire I've seen. They're lucky everyone in Family Court shows up wearing pants.

Witness at a murder trial showed up with hip hugger jeans showing off her c-section scars and a t-shirt that said "I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch." By comparison, Jon Gosselin is a classy MoFo
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midwesternmom
11/22/09

@CynicalPink: Father showed up in Juvenile Court trying to regain parental rights with a cannibis leaf earring dangling from his ear. I didn't notice it until we were already in front of the bench. Valuable lesson learned--never under-estimate the stupidity of my clients.
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Maritsa
11/22/09

@midwesternmom: Not quite as bad, but a couple months ago my opposing counsel in a products liability case came to court in a super-casual shirtdress and flip-flops.
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midwesternmom
11/22/09

@Maritsa: I just watched a woman argue in our state Supreme Court wearing a flowing ankle-length cotton peasant skirt and a long-sleeved jersey top. I would have snorted in outrage, but I was wearing hose for the first time in over two years and I could not draw a deep breath.
The best part of that day was noticing that one of the female justices lets her curly hair fly free. I may never straighten my curls for an argument again.
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Maritsa
11/22/09

@midwesternmom: Justice Sotomayor doesn't straighten!

#tips
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rmric0.wedding.photographer.and.manny
11/22/09

@CynicalPink: When I was reporting on courts, the obviously intoxicated guy showing up to his DUI hearing.
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MzSeJ
11/23/09

@midwesternmom: were you instructed/advised to straighten your hair? do you only do so when appearing in court?
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midwesternmom
11/23/09

@MzSeJ: Instructed? No, but the other women in my office are very critical of my wild curls. Which are conditioned and styled and under control. When my hair was long the curl was pulled into waves, but now that it is short again, it is very curly. And on a non-court day I don;t see clients, so I go to work in jeans and curls. Of course, these women started practicing when women wore little floppy bow ties to court, so their idea of acceptable might be warped.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
My 4 year old cousin once kicked me in the shins. He then ripped up some of my grandmother's camillias and presented them to me as a token of his apology.

Jon-- you are not 4.
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the glamwich
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: apparently jon gosselin is dennis the menace...and that show would be fascinating.
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DutchessOfDork
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
Natalie Portman, I used to like you, but given the whole Roman Polanski defending thing and calling Jake ugly. You are not a nice person. Eat it.
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taliewalie
11/22/09

@DutchessOfDork: I'm pretty sure she was trying to be funny... I mean who could say that Jake was ugly and actually mean it?
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slowpoke.r
11/22/09

@DutchessOfDork: I think she was joking, as it's patently obvious that no one on the planet thinks he's ugly. And judging by that recent interview he did with her (he was the interviewer, she the subject) they seem to be colleagues who respect one another and get along very well. Can't remember the magazine or I'd post a link.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
Oh, Natalie, speak for yourself.

And I hate it when people judge guys on on their size. As I don't want anyone judging me on the size of my assets, I don't think its fair to judge a guy on his.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart:
Completely agreed on size. I'd slap a guy who commented on the size of my breasts. Same rule for guys.

ETA: misread your Natalie comment. Never mind!
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: No, I definitely got that she was joking. ;P
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: Yeah, I just edited it. I completely misread. I thought you were telling her to look in a mirror (ie calling her ugly). Sorry about that. Where's my coffee??
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: No worries, it is 11-something on a Sunday morning. And both Jake and Natalie are insanely beautiful.
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whats_in_a_name
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: @Sputnik_Sweetheart: This guy thanks you, and promises to continue to return the favor.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

@whats_in_a_name: See how easy compromise can be?

Let's all get elected to Congress and show 'em how it's done ;o).
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AlmostDream
11/22/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: Is it really "judging" though? It's not like judging a girl on something arbitrary, like her cup size. It serves an actual purpose, sensation-wise.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

@AlmostDream: I think guys would argue that the feel of breasts serves a pleasure purpose as well.

I think it's fine to "prefer" something (like green eyes for example). But I get weird just outright judging a person based on a physical attribute beyond their control.
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whats_in_a_name
11/22/09

@AlmostDream: Then I guess you would be ok with being judged on the tightness of your vagina? After all it does make a difference sensation-wise.
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scarletbegonia
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: Yar, if a guy said he cared about breast size, I wouldn't necessarily be offended, but I would definitely drop everything and leave.

I suppose Riri is entitled to care about size just for fun, but I think it's a shallow consideration for serious relationships.
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AlmostDream
11/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: @whats_in_a_name: If it were so loose that he couldn't be sexually satisfied, or so tight that it was uncomfortable, it's understandable that it would be a significant barrier to a relationship. I don't consider that judging (unless he's making other assumptions about me based on tightness). Sex might not be an important part of a relationship to some, but it doesn't make someone "superficial" if sexual compatibility is important to them.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

@AlmostDream: But we were talking about the Rihanna quote, in that making a snap judgment "I would never date a guy smaller than X" is a little unfair.

Of course it makes a difference in the bedroom. And you have to decide if it's something you can work around or not. Sometimes it's not compatible.

#tips
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Maritsa
11/22/09

In reply to Kate Rejects Jon's Flowers, Shakira Is Nun-Approved, And Cougar Town Shuts Down
I'm sure Kate's reaction was "Oh Jon, you've slammed me countless times in the past 6 months, but -- flowers!! All is forgiven!" Everyone knows ladiez like teh flowerz. If only he'd gotten her a cheap Kay Jewelers necklace, she probably would've had sex with him in the courthouse bathroom!
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pantsless economist...access RESTORED
11/22/09

@Maritsa: Mark Heller: Jon, I TOLD you that you should've gone to Jared.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/22/09

@Maritsa: It's so brave of her to face those thunderstorms on her own, too!
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whats_in_a_name
11/22/09

@Maritsa: hell it he'd gone to Jared she probably would've mounted him right there on the courtroom floor.
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