Anne Hathaway Confesses To Irrational Hatred For Random New England…
Have you ever wondered if Jennifer Aniston finds you boring, Gwyneth Paltrow thinks you're kind of pretentious, or Kim Kardashian wonders why you even got hired in the first place?
"Picassoesque Face" Our New Least-Favorite Insult
Despite all the joy The Onion has brought us, we occasionally rue the day they became the arbitrators of intelligent satire. Because sometimes, like when the joke can be reduced to lulz ugly women!, it's just not that funny. [TheOnion]
New Orleans Doctors Prescribe Drinking, Sex
I was ready to make a health-conscious life change on the basis of this report until I heard: "New Orleans doctors also strongly advise that young women expose their breasts to screaming crowds at least once a year." [Onion]
"Proving That A Woman Can Rule With An Iron Fist Just As Well As A Man"
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Progress: They has it! Click through to see the Onion's hard-hitting reporting on East Timor's first female dictator and to be "terrified and oppressed by one of our own," who (natch) has a feminine side. [Onion]
Domesticating Women: Funny, Too Close For Comfort
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"A valuable commodity with seemingly endless uses, the woman has played a crucial role throughout human history...disobedience on the part of women was not taken lightly; physical punishments and restrictive harnesses were often employed to curb any independent behavior." [TheOnion]
The Girl Detective
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Nancy Drew's squeaky-clean image has finally been tarnished: it appears that Ms. Drew may have planted evidence, the Onion radio news reports. [Onion]
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Not Ready For Prime Time
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Love the Onion: "Empowered man murders controlling wife in Lifetime For Men original movie." [Onion]