This Old Man Fights Dirtier Than You

There’s a fight brewing in Long Island that would make the stars of Grumpy Old Men guffaw — except this geriatric beef is about softball, tampering with prescriptions and involves a lawsuit. » 4/28/14 4:50pm 4/28/14 4:50pm

White for Fun, Brown for Settling: Interracial Dating's Generation Gap

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I should be dating Sri Lankan men to preserve my Tamil heritage, I wouldn't be rich. But if I had a nickel for every time that sentiment was passive-aggressively indicated to me by various women in my family (better known as "aunties" in my culture), let's just say I'd be… » 2/04/14 5:00pm 2/04/14 5:00pm

Chocolate Is Good for Old Lady Brains

It's been definitively proven on this very site that nothing is better than sex, not even chocolate. But for old people, that might not be the case. A new study has found that chocolate might make them harder, better, faster stronger – at least in the brain. » 8/08/13 12:30pm 8/08/13 12:30pm

Be Patient: Fox News Viewers Have Maybe 15-20 Years Left to Live, Tops

When I was in high school and college, I worked at a nursing home, and when there was no more Boggle to be played or Jello to be eaten, residents loved watching Fox News, hours and hours of men yelling and attractive, smart blonde women pretending to be dumb and concerned. » 7/23/13 12:50pm 7/23/13 12:50pm

Random Elderly Woman In Drum Store Proceeds To Rock The Fuck Out

To paraphrase the Palm d'Or-winning film Shrek, old people are like onions — they have a specific smell, they add necessary flavor and you never know what's under each layer. This woman, reportedly a grandma, walked into the Coalition Drum Shop in La Crosse, Wisconsin, played rock drums like a member of Mötley Crüe… » 7/20/13 1:00pm 7/20/13 1:00pm

105-Year-Old Woman May Have Found the Elixir of Life: Bacon

Pearl Cantrell celebrated her 105th birthday this week. Having outlived three of her seven children as well as her husband, she's lived a long and fruitful life. Her daughter Anno says that even after a 100 years, Pearl is still very active and loves to dance. Though the Texan woman's optimistic outlook on life and… » 5/08/13 2:35pm 5/08/13 2:35pm

America's Oldest Teacher Does It For the Kids

Agnes Zhelesnik started her teaching career when she was 82 years old. She just turned 99, and CNN reports that over the last 17 years, she's had a "huge impact" on her students' lives. Ms Zhelesnik — affectionately called "Granny" at school, teaches cooking, sewing and costume-making. Her daughter, a 69-year-old … » 1/17/13 6:40pm 1/17/13 6:40pm

Speaking a Second Language Could Keep You from Getting Dementia

Wait, speaking multiple languages keeps your brain young? Goddamnit. The closest I ever came to learning a second language is that my mom speaks passable Norwegian when she's drunk (I suppose I'm glad my childhood wasn't one long Drunkmomwegian immersion program), which means that I am impenetrably, painfully… » 1/09/13 2:10pm 1/09/13 2:10pm

Elderly Chinese Parents Can Now Take their Adult Children to Court for…

Today, China's national legislature passed a new law that, once enacted, will require citizens to visit their elderly parents "often," or go to court. This law is so, so ripe for 1980's style stand up jokes about mothers in law, or a very special episode of Married... With Chidren where someone gets bumped on the head… » 12/28/12 7:10pm 12/28/12 7:10pm

People Who 'Age Gracefully' Actually Have Gigantic Super-Brains

Getting older is pretty much the scariest thing. We gain weight, our skin sags, our bones hurt, and our brains get weird. It's totally dumb! I am against it! That's why there are a million billion products (I counted) dedicated to preserving youth, and people do crazy shit like rub butterfly placenta on their faces… » 8/17/12 3:20pm 8/17/12 3:20pm

Want Your Kids to Live a Long Time? Make Sure Their Dad's an Old Guy

New research shows that children of men who fathered them later in life may be able to expect to live longer than those of us whose fathers were young. But don't run into a nursing home with your pants around your ankles and arms outstretched just yet — the "older dad, longer life" principle only seems to apply to… » 6/12/12 6:25pm 6/12/12 6:25pm

Everyone! Stop Giving Old People a Pass Just for Being Old!

French parfumier Jean-Paul Guerlain was fined 6,000 euros this week for making racist comments in a televised interview. When discussing his famous Samsara fragrance (a "heady oriental fragrance featuring main notes of jasmine and sandalwood"), Guerlain said, "And for once I started working like a nigger. I don't know… » 3/29/12 7:00pm 3/29/12 7:00pm

Worth It: Delicious Candy Wine for the Elderly

Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation… » 3/28/12 4:40pm 3/28/12 4:40pm

Malls Being Transformed Into Havens for Old and/or Lazy People

Apparently scientists in Montréal no longer need to put rats in a maze to conduct experiments, because they have shopping malls. Bonnie Swaine and Eva Kehayia, researchers at the Centre de recherche interdisciplinaire en réadaptation du Montréal (CRIR), turned the Alexis Nihon Plaza shopping center into a "living… » 1/06/12 2:50pm 1/06/12 2:50pm

Skydiving Grandma Is Pretty Much The Best

A writer for the Daily News somehow convinced his 82-year-old Grandmother to agree to go skydiving — with cameras along to document the whole thing. After she made her decent from the sky, she had a few words: "Life gets better and better, and even when you think it can't get any better, it gets better!" » 8/03/11 7:15pm 8/03/11 7:15pm

Your Hips Get Bigger As You Get Older

A new study suggests that as people get older, they put on weight in an unexpected place: their pelvic bones. Scientists found that these bones widen with time in both men and women, resulting in extra inches on their frames even if they don't put on fat. Says study author Dr. Laurence Dahners, "We found older people… » 6/07/11 3:18pm 6/07/11 3:18pm

Octogenarian Crack Dealer Headed To Jail

Ola Mae Agee was convicted of selling crack cocaine to an undercover cop last week. The 87-year-old had set up a drug business from her home in Pensacola, Florida. » 11/01/10 3:05pm 11/01/10 3:05pm

Hugh Hefner Has Not Become Desensitized To Seeing Women Naked

Hef also says that fake breasts are not going out of style: "If you come up lacking in that department, one understands that that's what cosmetic surgery exists for." » 7/19/10 11:09am 7/19/10 11:09am