Downtown mainstay, (excellent) actress and sartorial pioneer Chloë Sevigny hates to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but she really wants you to pull your tiny denim shorts out of your crack and study for your SATs.

• Comeback kid (?) Lindsay Lohan has already gone back to her complicated lifestyle of dramarama mixed with rich-people acquisitions. We could talk about her for hours—she just never stops! All that Red Bull, maybe. Here we go.

• Nicole Kidman is on the February cover of Harper's Bazaar, and inside, she is interviewed by Jennifer Aniston. (They're both in that new Adam Sandler flick.) Nic tells Jen how she felt when she first met Keith Urban.

• Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling are not dating.

• In an upcoming MTV documentary about her, Nicki Minaj discusses how The Showbiz's double-standardism discourages women artists from being more assertive. "When I am assertive, I'm a bitch," she says. "When a man is assertive, he's a boss."

• Apparently Dina Lohan has forgotten that Lindsay Lohan is in court-ordered rehab in lieu of jail. Dina says she's, "trying to get her to New York to be with us for Thanksgiving," and the judge isn't pleased.

• The Dancing With the Stars production office intercepted a "threatening letter containing white powder" (it was talcum) that forced a building evacuation. The FBI is investigating! Could the perps be those "haters" who Bristol Palin's been talking about lately?

• Scarlett Johansson, GQ's Babe Of The Year, and Ryan Reynolds, People's Sexiest Man Alive, may be having relationship "troubles."

• Dina Lohan would like to take legal action against Glee for mocking Lindsay Lohan.

• Prince William popped the question! He asked Kate Middleton to marry him! The press can no longer call her Waity Katie!